Minimum Viable Parenting

We all want our children to do well, and when they do not, we look for ways to encourage them. In fact, it is hard not to. When we know that our children can do better, we want them to do better. Sometimes, we are so eager, we jump ahead of ourselves and are not as helpful as we can be. Sometimes we miss the key ingredients in order to be helpful. Even when we come at it with the best of intentions, what matters is how it is received. And whether it will be received well depends on a number of factors, like:   what we already know about our children how willing we are to observe their behavior even closer than we previously have how able we are to step aside and let the child lead the process of change   And some other good things, like wearing the right set of glasses... Listen in to find out more.

When it comes to resolving fears, some strategies are better than others. It all depends on the type of fear and whether it is short-lived and typical for the child's age, or whether it is more persistent and sometimes even hard to define.    Different strategies would be needed for different types of fears. But with so many strategies out there, how would you know which one to try? A fearful child can already be a handful, and so the last thing you need is your own overwhelm.   Today, I walk you through 3 different types of strategies and levels of support. This way you will be able to see what type of strategy may work for what situation. Here is the quick overview of the levels:   Level 1: Direct Strategies for developmental & information-based fears Level 2: Indirect Strategies for vague & perception-based fears Level 3: Assisted Strategies for persistent fears  

Why does parenting style influence the executive functioning of our children? This may come as a surprise, and yet if you think about it, it does make sense. The way we parent is the way we address challenges with children. And the way we manage these challenges is how we inadvertently model what we would like our children to do when faced with a situation that requires their own problem-solving (which means, regulation of thoughts, emotions, and behavior is required).  On today's Episode we get answers to these questions and more:   Can we help children develop Executive Functioning skills? Why does our parenting approach matter? What are the 3 Parenting Styles? How does each style impact the development of Executive Functioning? Which style is the most beneficial for brain development?

What do you think of when you hear, executive functioning? What comes to mind right away? Maybe, in your mind, this word has become associated with disorders and has acquired a negative connotation. Maybe it has become associated with being able to do a specific behavior or skill. Executive functioning has been a buzzword for a number of years now, and yet it is still so confusing.     In this episode, we are getting to the very core of Executive Functioning.   In fact, there is only One Thing you need to know about executive functioning that will ease the overwhelm and will help you see its true primary function. This one job that executive functions are responsible for is also the predictor of our children's success and adjustment, whether we are talking about school performance or life in general.  

Do you ever get scared? Children do. They get scared all the time. It's part of their development, which comes as a hallmark of developing brain and their ever-expanding cognition. Though all the learning that our children do is exciting, the fear of the many unknown things around them is no fun. How do we help them?   Fear is a tough emotion to process. It's not something you want to do alone, especially as a child. At the same time, fear is something you would only talk about with someone you can trust. But, even more importantly, it needs to be someone who can understand.   And that's why this question. Children wonder, if we get scared too.   Do you ever get scared?   What should you say? Would it be helpful to tell them that we are not afraid? Would this help them see that there is nothing to worry about? What would give our children confidence? What tools work?  

What to do if you tend to get so frustrated with your child that you lose your cool? Do you need a solution for those moments when you are just ready to explode? In this episode, find out: ​ why it often feels that anger is too difficult to control what to focus on instead of wishing to stop being angry how to slow down time & ourselves enough space to respond rather than react how to stretch your continuum of feelings to see more opportunities for a re-set   It is important to notice strong emotions as they gradually arise inside us and before they get so big they spill outside. This is usually where things have gone too far. But do not worry, there is a way to use past experiences as an opportunity to practice. We can retrace our steps and learn a new way of handling anger and other challenging emotions.   Share this episode with others!

Staying consistent in parenting is not easy, especially when the child's behavior seems erratic and unpredictable. And yet, the only way to settling testing behaviors is the consistency of our response.   To stay consistent we need to remember why there is a specific expectation and what values will be broken if we do not follow through with our intention. If we break our own word, it is hard to convince the child we are worth listening to.   Although staying consistent may be hard, spotting inconsistent parenting practices is relatively easy. In this episode we are talking about three types of scenarios that inconsistent parenting fits into and how to act instead.

One of the biggest traps of parenting is the double standard parenting. We do not do this intentionally. And yet, we do fall into this trap more often than we would love to admit, perhaps. When we give in and do not hold consistent expectations, we create a double standard. Knowing why that happens and what implications double-standard parenting has on child development as a whole, can help us be more mindful of this trap and be proactive in how we interact with our children.

What do future-ready children look like? And if the future is so unpredictable, how can we prepare our children for it? Yes, thinking about the great unknown can cause a lot of anxiety. But here is the good news: Not only is there a set of skills and abilities that will matter down the road no matter what the future looks like, but these are also the things we can do today. 

  It is not easy to parent a child, and it is certainly not easy to do in this century. With so many changes in how we live today, the pace of these changes, and not knowing what we need to prepare our children for, it can be quite anxiety provoking.   One of the ways we deal with that anxiety is we begin to cling onto what we think we can control -- our children. But what happens when we try to control our children from the place of our own fear is that we become rigid and narrow minded. That kind of mindset eventually leads to biased thinking & missed opportunities. Instead of focusing on what we cannot predict, let us turn to the qualities and skills that will always be relevant for as long as there will be human beings around. What can we teach our children today that they can benefit from today and in the future?

All children have challenging behavior. This is normal. Until it gets to be too much. It is one thing when our children have an occasional tantrum or get stuck with the limits we set for them. This is OK because reacting emotionally is the way children navigate their environment. But when yelling, arguments, tears, and tantrums occur on a daily basis, it rises to a different level of concern.   How do you begin to tackle a persistent problem behavior?   You may have tried setting limits, expanding consequences, and maybe even got frustrated enough to go the punishment route… What do you do if the behavior persist? The answer is in the deeper unmet needs that hide beneath the surface of the child's behavior.

What to do when children misbehave? Do we need to address that behavior? How do we respond? Do we even need to respond? Yes, we do need to respond. It is our responsibility to teach children what can and cannot be done, what is acceptable and what is not. This is the way we teach boundaries and help our children understand how to function among other people, but also what is good for their own development. But what is the best way to teach that? Do punishments work? How are punishment different from consequences? When we implement consequences, we can see much better results and improvement in child behavior, but we do need to keep in mind the following: Is the consequence appropriate? Is the consequence hurting our relationship? Is it teaching the right skills and lessons?

Getting kids to listen and follow our directions is the most common challenge parents face. Ideally, we think about setting limits with children before we run into conflicts. It is so much easier to be proactive. But even if we are finding ourselves stuck, there is a way out. The secret is in the relationship and the approach we take to setting limits.   Before we go ahead and set limits for the child, we need to ask ourselves how well is the child following the limits that are already in place. The answer to this question will depend on three important things:   How reasonable these limits are The quality of our emotional connection with the child How consistent are the limits   Instead of trying to force our children into compliance with our expectations, let's try a more effective way of communicating our limits to them. In this episode we explore the diplomatic approach that is based on the following five principles: 1. Limits are a natural part of life 2. Need for information 3. Quality

Why is it important that our children become emotionally competent? Emotions help us understand what we need and what we don't want. When we understand our emotions, we acquire powerful tools. If we also see how important it is for our children to begin to understand their own emotions, it becomes a priority for us as parents to make sure our children acquire emotional competence. Learn in this episode: where and with whom the child can acquire emotional competence the time it takes to become emotionally competent skills we need as parents to raise emotionally competent children what gets in the way of building emotional competence why we cannot delegate emotional development of the child to someone else Find other details and show notes at www.minimumviableparenting.com  

Do you know that the best way to support the child is to listen to them? And do you know how to listen?  What is the goal of true listening and how do we listen with intention? In this episode, we are exploring why listening to children is not only developmentally important, but how it is also the best tool we can have as parents to working through and solving many challenging situations. Learn three steps to real listening and how to turn this art into practice.

What do you do when you catch your child lying? Have you been perplexed as to why this happens and what to do with this behavior?    To tackle this challenge, we need to understand where the child is at developmentally and be able to tell the difference between intentional deception and other forms of non-truth and storytelling. We also need to embrace the fact that lies, when they happen, do tell us a lot about the child's hidden needs and can show us the way to approach the situation.  

How to raise children who win? So many parents wonder, how to make sure our children succeed? The simple answer is to raise children who are not afraid to fail. Children who know how to face failure, have the kind of skills that all true winners need.   Children who win, are the children who try, again and again. They look for opportunities to give it a shot, and then another shot. Children with a winner's attitude know that they may lose and they still go for it, because going for it increases their chances at getting better and getting to their goal eventually.   In order to raise a child who accomplishes what they set out to do, we need to guide them through emotions that come with failure, which will build on their capacity for emotional control, which will then build their tolerance for failure. This tolerance shapes them into resilient children who persevere through challenges and disappointments, because ultimately they see themselves as the key drivers of getting to their goals.

Our most important role in the child's life is to help the development of identity and the sense of Self. We do that in many ways and by using numerous tools, but it all starts with unconditional regards and acceptance.  The sense of acceptance works like a compass, with its purpose being to guide the child towards those who care deeply, who will protect, and will not reject the child on any level. At a very basic level, before any of this can be articulated in a more mature experience of emotions and the social context in which they may appear, the need for acceptance tells the child to stick around those who will make sure you not only survive, but blossom. 

Setting limits is often the most challenging task when it comes to parenting and it does mean exercising control over the situation and making decisions as a parent. While  we all understand that setting limits is critical, many of us struggle with it. And one of the reasons why, is because parental control is a touchy subject.   In this episode, we talk about setting limits and, more specifically, I frame this conversation around the parents' right and responsibility to exercise control. So if setting limits is a necessity and parental control is not only a right, but a responsibility, why is it so hard to have the confidence to do that as a parent? So the question is really not whether parental control is needed or whether the parent has to have the power of decision, but what kind of control and how to implement it. This is the art of the parenting practice that takes into consideration the power to help the child and prepare them for the future.

We've all done it. At one time or another, we have compared our children to someone else's. How many times have we said, "Look at so-and-so, why can't you be like them?" Certainly never said with a malicious intent, comparing children does lead to poor self-esteem. But why is it such a bad thing? Sometimes we use this trick as a means of getting the child to listen to us or to motivate them, but it is a costly strategy.Comparison sets children up for competitions they are not ready for. Comparing children creates winners and losers, when there can be none. Both sides of this competition cary unhealthy perceptions of their abilities and skills, and live the consequences of these early and illogical wins and losses that come when we compare one child to another. Ultimately, comparing children to one another hurts both sides and impacts their self-esteem.