Minimum Viable Parenting

As gadgets become part of our children's lives, we get to hear many opinions on what is appropriate use and how much screen time is OK. Where do you get your advice from? How much do you trust the media? How many of your decisions you question based on what you read or hear? How to know what source is reputable and how to judge for yourself? In this episode, I share the guidelines I recommend and follow in my personal life and professional practice. I also offer 6 tools of critical inquiry you can apply to evaluate what you read and make informed decisions.

Limits that we set for our children will be more effective when they are set in a generally positive home atmosphere. The kind of atmosphere that conveys respect towards the child and acknowledgement of them as an individual. The way we interact with our children in general, outside of times when we need to set limits, influences our relationship with them. And this relationship will not only support our efforts when we do need to set limits around what is allowed, but also -- and more importantly -- help the child develop a healthy and balanced sense of self-esteem.

Do you protect your own boundaries? If yes, then you know the value of teaching the same skills and awareness to your children. For these essential life lessons, it is never too late to start but the earlier we start the better off our children are. Where would you even begin? How to teach boundaries to children? Isn't it such an abstract concept? In today's episode, not only are we talking about modeling the right boundaries, but also about explicitly bringing the child's attention to it with clear and direct language. You will also learn what do boundaries have to do with parent burnout, and how good boundaries can help us be proactive in building a sustainable and viable parenting life.

Knowing how important it is to maintain our well-being as parents, what would you do to prevent parent burnout? You could probably quit your job if it were driving you crazy, but you can't quit your children, no matter how much they exhaust you. Typical suggestions given to people that experience job stress (take a vacation, set boundaries on your time, switch teams, etc.) do not quite work for parents. While setting boundaries is definitely a must, it can only can be done to a certain extent because you cannot close the door on your children and "go home" -- they are your home.   Even though some of these things are not really possible for parents, there are practical suggestions that you can benefit from right away, as long as you implement them consistently. Also, let's keep  in mind that often times it is a matter of degree rather than kind, when it comes to strategies. For example, even though you cannot take a leave of absence from your parenting job, like you potentially could from a job that

Parent burnout is a real phenomenon that can have serious consequences for our well-being. You either heard about or experienced some form of burnout in your life, so perhaps you have some idea of what parent burnout is. But did you know that parent burnout is different from other forms of burnout?   It is really important to differentiate between physical or mental burnout from parent burnout. That is why, this episode is all about better understanding parent burnout.   Do you know whether you are at risk for parent burnout and need to take proactive steps to prevent it from happening? Use the Parent Burnout Screener to identify your burnout quotient. It only takes a few minutes, but could make a huge difference in how you view your role as a parent.

We all have feelings. Children do too. What what do you do when feelings are bad? What do we usually think of when we say, "bad" emotions? Typically, these are the kinds of emotions that may be very intense and, as parents, we may not know how to deal with them. Some of the highlights of this episode: how the child's expression of emotion is different from ours, what 3 emotions tend to be labeled as "bad", the emotional cycle and why it is important, the 3-step process of responding to intense emotions.

Have you ever felt resentful as a parent? Have you ever felt guilty for wanting to do less rather than more? Have you ever wanted to spend a little bit of time on your own?   These and other thoughts and wants can make us feel guilty as parents. But instead of dwelling on guilt, which is an unproductive state of mind, we can learn to understand its nature and let it resolve into things we can actually take care of and do something about.   If we don't understand guilt, we let it guide our parenting, and parenting from this place harms us and the children. Although the feeling of guilt is inevitable, it does not need to be permanent. In this episode we take a look at four aspects of dealing with guilt.

Parents often wonder how to raise the child's self-esteem. When we notice our child not having confidence to do something, we begin to worry that their self-esteem is low and that we need to do something about raising it.   Is there a way to raise the child's self-esteem? There sure is, but it is not as easy as giving the child a compliment or showering them with praise.   Building self-esteem is a process that the child has to complete independently. We cannot raise self-esteem on our child's behalf, it is the inner work of the child. But, our consistent approach and confidence in our children, will create the environment where they are free to be themselves.   In today's episode I invite you to consider a different set of questions around our children's self-esteem and the part we play.

A lot is being said these days about respecting children, and much of what we do as parents we may do in the name of respect.     In the 21st century, we now have a better understanding of the developmental needs of children and have a bigger appreciation of them as little people. We talk about ways of respecting them, their need for freedom, for creativity, for fun and play, and so on.   But how well does it play out for us? Do we hold the right balance? Everything sounds good so far, until one day, we find ourselves frustrated. And this may be because we confuse respect with unlimited freedom.   If we do not have a good perspective on what respecting children means, we may feel like setting limits goes against the child's need for freedom and against showing respect to them for who they are. In this episode, we are looking at the respect as a balance of freedom and limits.

Our children express a range of emotions. Sometimes we are not sure how to deal with them. Sometimes we get afraid of a scared child, or we get angry at an angry child, and we get anxious about an anxious child... Sometimes we may wonder who is on a roller-coaster, right? When we get closer to our child's emotions and learn to be with them, we give priceless lessons to our children about their own inner world. It is not something to run away from, to be mad at, or feel hopeless about. It is a rich environment full of information, because emotions are very telling. Besides serving as clues to the quality of our experience, emotions have social value as well. For children, in particular, emotions is the way they communicate with us, and so dismissing the child's emotions would be equivalent to ignoring what the child is communicating. But when we try to understand the message behind their emotions, the children are being seen and heard.

Staying connected with our children is important. But what does it even mean? What does connection look like when it's there, and how do we know when it's missing? We may first notice lack of connection when we feel some kind of difficulty to get our children to listen. This is certainly a part of it, but this is not the full perspective that can really help us troubleshoot connection issues. In today's episode, I am offering a shift in perspective that may give you a very clear look as to what connection is and what it is built on. I hope that seeing connection from this perceptive will help you tell how things are going between you and your child, as well as what you may want to do if you feel like improvements may be needed.

The feeling of guilt is all too familiar to parents. It is so deeply rooted, it almost feels unavoidable, and we kind of learn to live with it. But is it really serving us? Let's explore the bigger context of this emotional state.  Understanding where parent guilt may have originated from can help us have a more supportive perspective. Instead of feeling guilt and be paralyzed by everything that worries us as parents, we can become more compassionate towards ourselves. This frees us to carry with intention our newly understood responsibilities of nurturing the childhood.

There is no doubt every parent loves their child. It would be hard not to. But what kind of love do children need? Since so many of us parents think that our job is to love our children, wouldn't it be great to know how that job is done? What does love look like? What kind of love is supportive of our child's development?

What are BOUNDARIES and what do they have to do with parenting? In this episode we explore the Essential Element of BOUNDARIES. In broader terms, we are looking at BOUNDARIES from the perspective of a) something that defines an individual and why that is important, and b) as a process of interacting with others (including our children) to maintain a healthy dynamic between what we need and what other people need.

The VALUES Element is another essential to our parenting practice. In this episode, we will look at values from the standpoint of an internal system of beliefs and attitudes that guide our behavior. Whether we are aware of it or not, we parent from a place of beliefs and expectations, and every choice we make as parents is guided by our values. We explore how VALUES apply to parenting in two ways. One, as our own guide and how it impacts our actions, what we decide to do, who we listen to, what we consider important, and so on. And another, as a guide we want our children to have - how we want our children to act and what we want to teach them.

The NURTURE element is one of the 3 Essential Elements of parenting, and it has many facets. The simplest way to understand it, is to consider it from the point of needs -- the needs of the child on the one hand, and the needs of the parent on the other.

In this episode we are talking about the 3 ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS OF PARENTING that form the foundation of the Minimum Viable Parenting framework. These critical essentials help us calm the overwhelm and focus on what matters most in our journey as parents. 

As parents, we have many questions & just about everywhere we turn -- someone's got the answer! But how do you tease out what really matters? MINIMUM VIABLE PARENTING framework is your guide to parenting essentials. Subscribe for new episodes!