Listen, Learn & Love Hosted By Richard Ostler

My friend Koji Aoki (Age 27, RM, Married, Grad School) joins us to talk about his 10+ year journey to understand and then solve his porn use. Koji (who is a long-time family friend) talks about how his porn use started, how it became a habit and then how he stopped using porn to serve a mission (Lima, Peru North). Yes, Koji got clean for his mission but lacked the tools to see and solve the root of his porn use. Koji talks about life after his mission and how porn came back into his life as a copying mechanism which led to immense feelings of shame. Those feelings a shame and depression led to an attempted suicide that allowed Koji to fully open up to his parents and get more help. It also led to direct revelation in a powerful moment of “you are enough”. Koji (who has completed two full iron man triathlons including Kona, HI) talks about connecting with Sara Brewer (https://www.sarabrewer.com/) and the added tools and insights that allowed Koji to end porn use. Koji also talks how he is gratefu

My friend Shawn Tucker (Humanities Professor Elon University, Married Father of 4, Active LDS) joins us to talk about his new book about humility. The book explores qualities like devotion to God, meekness, vulnerability, seeing your weakness, respect, modesty, friendship. The book gives practical insights into what it means to be humble in your relationship with God and with others. I learned so much listening to Shawn’s insights about humility. It helps me see some of my blind spots and want to do better. It helps me find more peace in my life to be normal—and finding joy in being normal. Please check out the book at: https://www.amazon.com/Humility-Practical-Approach-Shawn-Tucker-ebook/dp/B09ML7BQNM Thank you, Dr. Tucker, for being on the podcast and your insights and gifts to help us become a more Zion like people.

My friend Autumn Brooke White bravely shares her 20+ year journey with undiagnosed scrupulosity. Autumn (now in her late 30s) shares the intrusive thoughts about worthiness that have been part of her life since her teenage years. Autumn talks about how she best navigated walking this road alone—not feeling safe to open up to others or realizing this was not a spiritual weakness. Autumn then shares, about two years ago, opening up to others (friends, Bishop) which led to a therapist with an understanding of scrupulosity resulting in an accurate diagnosis and a relatively short path to healing. If you are having thoughts of unworthiness, it may not be a spiritual weakness—it may be scrupulosity (or spiritual OCD) which attacks that is most precious to you. Listening to this podcast will help you. And if you want to be prepared to help others in your circle that have undiagnosed scrupulosity, this podcast will give you tools to see it in others and get them help. No one should live 20 years with un

My friend Nicole Herway (LCSW, Mother of Two, Divorced Survivor of Intimate Partner Abuse, Active LDS) bravely shares her own story to help others. She is not doing this to speak poorly of her former spouse, but to increase knowledge and awareness of abusive patterns and debunk myths. In the podcast Nicole debunks 8 myths using her own story, academic knowledge, and front-line clinical experience. If you feel you might be in an abusive relationship, please listen to this podcast. It will help you. If you suspect someone you love is in an abuse relationship, please listen to this podcast. And if you are a local church leader, please listen as it will give you better tools to help others. Thank you, Nicole, for being on the podcast. I learned so much. I encourage everyone to listen to this powerful episode. Links mentioned in the podcast: Nicole’s web site: https://www.herwaycounseling.com/ Power and Control Wheel and Equality Wheel: https://www.theduluthmodel.org/wheel-gallery/ Sis

My friend Lauren Harrigian (early 30s, living in AZ, Mental Health Therapist) share her journey to transition and then later connect with and join the Church. Lauren talks about why transitioning helped her be her ‘full-self’ leading to more happiness and peace. Lauren then talks about why she joined the Church to find more peace and feel God’s love. She also talks about the love and support she is receiving as a member of the Church in her Ward and Relief Society. This is a great podcast to understanding our transgender friends and how to love/support a transgender Latter-day. It also gives us insights on how we are stronger with our transgender members and how they too a part of the “Gathering of Israel” and help us create Zion. Thank you, Lauren for being on the podcast. You are awesome. ** Please Check Out My LGBTQ Book At: ** Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773 ** Want to develop church-supported

**Trigger Warning: Podcast talks about Suicide. If you are suicidal please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255** My friend Troy Gagon (age 52, Married Father of 7, Active LDS) bravely shares his long journey to understand and solve pornography—including the effectiveness of the ACT (Acceptance, Commitment, Therapy) approach. Troy also talks about his 17-year-old son Terik who died by suicide in Feb 2015 (you can read more about Terik at www.terikgagon.com). Troy talks about how his family is healing and finding hope, things we can do to better support families who have lost on to suicide, and hopeful thoughts to those who are suicidal. If you are working to solve pornography, please listen to this podcast. Troy’s insights will help you. And if you have lost a family member to suicide, Troy’s perspective and gospel insights will help you. You can reach Troy at T.s.gagon@gmail.com or 801-836-5733. Thank you, Troy for your courage to share your story. Respect. ** P

**Trigger Warning: Podcast talks about Suicide. If you are suicidal please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255** My friend Michael Finch bravely shares his story. Michael talks about realizing at BYU that he is gay before his mission, resulting in feelings of “my life is over”. At that time, Michael ignored this realization, and he served a successful mission in New York City speaking Mandarin Chinese. Michael talks about returning home and trying to move forward with his life including coming out as gay (positive experience). However, suicidal ideation (which has been part of Michael’s story since before his mission) continued until Michael’s suicide attempt in March 2021. Michael bravely shares more about that experience, what he has learned and why he decided to openly share about his suicide attempt to help others. A year after his suicide attempt, Michael made this Instagram post in March 2022 (www.instagram.com/p/CbgRYONvJMEG2Y9pKxDA2u7r272D-WqoTy-EZk0/). I

My friend Taylor Niebergall (active LDS, Married Mother of Two) joins us to talk about her podcast focus on building bridges between those in the Church and those who have left the Church. Taylor talks about why she started the podcast, the purpose and her hopes to build more understanding between these two groups of people. You can check out Taylor’s podcast at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/building-bridges/id1585596531. The article she wrote can be found here, http://the-after-eden-project.com/ and you can follow the Building bridges Facebook page here https://www.facebook.com/Building-Bridges-podcast-101942785569497/ or Taylor’s personal account here https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100008387117636 You can also check out my brother David Ostler’s book referenced in the podcast at: https://bridgeslds.com/about-author/ Thank you Taylor for being on the your good work to bring us together as the same human family. ** Check out my book on improving Latter-day Saint Culutre **

My friend Sadi Rogers (age 32, EMT, mother of 3) shares her story as a gay Latter-day Saint. Sadi talks about growing up in Arizona, realizing she has romantic feelings for women, being honest with her Bishop and eventually marrying a man. Sadi talks about the goodness of that marriage (lasted 11 years) which eventually ended. Sadi then talks about her desire to be single and fully participate in the Church. That changed when Sadi met and then fell in love with her now wife Quinn Kelly—including personal revelation this was her path. While I invite everyone to follow Church teachings, I share stories of LGBTQ Latter-day Saints on their own unique paths to help us better support others. Neither Sadi or I are inviting others to follow Sadi’s path—but we are inviting us to come together as the same human family to love and support each other and leave judgement to our Savior and His perfect understanding. Thank you for your courage to be on the podcast Sadi and share your story. You are a wonderful

My friend Ashely Smith (Married Mother of Six, Active LDS, Mayor of Cañon City, Colorado) shares the story of raising and supporting their gay son Kyle. This podcast is based on the excellent article that Ashley wrote for LDS Living in June 2022 (https://www.ldsliving.com/what-can-you-say-when-a-family-member-comes-out-as-gay-7-ideas-from-a-latter-day-saint-mom/s/10712). This is a powerful podcast. I encourage everyone to read the LDS Living article and listen to the podcast and then consider what you can do in your circle of influence to improve our understanding of and support for LGBTQ Latter-day Saints. Thank you, Ashley for being on the podcast and writing this LDS Living article. You are doing wonderful work in many areas to bless and help others. ** Please Check Out My LGBTQ Book At: ** Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773 ** Want to develop church-supported LGBTQ activities in your local area

My friend Marie Cook (Active LDS, Age 28, Married Mother, Temple Square RM) bravely shares her story growing up in a home with a narcissistic mother. Marie discusses how she gradually realized her unhealthy upbringing and how these behaviors were becoming part of how she treated others. Following a painful breakup, Marie (with the help of friends) walked into BYU-Idaho counseling center to begin her road to healing and to break the cycle in her future family. It is a remarkable story of courage to change her trajectory and now help others. Marie, who is a certified recovery coach, shares helpful tips on her Instagram account @marieelliscook If you are in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic, this podcast will help you. If you want insights to help others in a narcissistic relationship, this podcast will help you. And if you have narcissistic tendencies, this podcast will help you. Thank you, Marie, for your courage to share your story.

My friend Isabelle Wheeler (age 23, UVU student, RM) bravely shares their journey as a nonbinary Latter-day Saint. Isabelle talks about their early life, college, serving a mission (Fort Lauderdale, FL), and their experiences following their mission. If you are nonbinary or transgender, Isabelle’s insights and experience will help you. If you are a parent or local leader trying to better support nonbinary or transgender Latter-day Saints, Isabelle’s story will help you. Thank you, Isabelle for your courage to be on the podcast. I was deeply moved hearing your experiences and gospel insights. You are remarkable and our Church is better with you as a member. Links mentioned in the podcast: Deseret News Article: https://www.deseret.com/u-s-world/2022/6/7/23157031/1-in-20-young-adults-identify-as-transgender-or-nonbinary-pew-survey-finds-pew-research-lgbtq LGBTQ Workshop Panel with Trans and Nonbinary Students: June 15th, Utah Valley University Institute, 7 pm, 785 College Dr, Orem, UT 84058

My friend Teresa Myers (BYU grad, RM, Recently Married, Active LDS) shares her story as a bisexual Latter-day Saint. Teresa starts with difficult years (including suicidal ideation) that has a component in her sexual orientation. Teresa talks about her decision come out to others, importance of therapy and her decision to share her story to help others. Teresa talks about exploring all possible roads and then feeling personal revelation that her path forward was to marry a man and fully participating in the Church. Teresa talks about opening up to her husband Corbin during the dating process and how that ended up strengthening their relationship and developed a better foundation for honestly, vulnerability and community. Their story is a wonderful love story. If you are a LGBTQ Latter-day Saint, please listen to Teresa’s story. It will help you. If you are a parent of someone wanting to better support LGBTQ Latter-day Saints, Teresa’s insights will help you. Thank you, Teresa for being on t

My friend Taryn Hiatt, Area Director Utah/Nevada American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, joins us to talk about suicide prevention. Taryn (who has been working in this space for over 20 years after her father Terry who died by suicide in 2002) talks about the various organizations available to those considering suicide, those working to prevent suicide, and support for suicide loss survivors. Taryn has great insights into the scope of these organizations and how they all work together for the common goal of suicide prevention. Taryn also shares her own journey as a survivor of being sexually assaulted and suicide attempts. For Taryn this isn’t theoretical—rather since she is walking this road—Taryn has real-life and practical insights to give hope and healing. Taryn talks about the “dark night of the soul” and finding hope that dawn will come. Her story is deeply moving and will help you. She also talks about how to better support our LGBTQ friends. If you are considering suicide or working

My friend Christian Judd shares the story of his brother Bryan who died by suicide in April of 2010. I became aware of Christian and his good work and message around this topic with these tweets: https://twitter.com/christianmjudd/status/1513174782723846145 https://twitter.com/christianmjudd/status/1513583004785917957 Dr. Judd, who is a board certified psychiatric and mental health nurse practitioner, shares insights on how to help individuals navigate when someone close has died by suicide. He also provides insight for those who have considered suicide. Here are three suicide prevention numbers. Please reach out for help if you are having suicidal thoughts: Huntsman Mental Health Institute Crisis line (Utah residents): 1-801-587-3000 National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 The Trevor Project: 1-212-695-8650 Here is a link to the David Archuleta Love Loud video mentioned in the podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ooh6otPKmzE If you are having thoughts of suicide or hav

My friend Craig Jones (active LDS, married to his wife Jodi for 36 years, age 58, parents of three) joins us via Zoom from Edmonton, Canada to talk about his life-changing traumatic brain injury that occurred about ten years ago. Craig talks about being in a coma, rehab and then working to heal and move forward. Craig is full of hope and a positive attitude—even with his life permanently changed. If your mortal life has been forever changed because of medical issue in your life or a loved one, this podcast will help you. Thank you, Craig for being on the podcast. You are your wife Jodi are awesome.

My friend Chandler Rogers (New York City RM, Married, Age 24, BYU Grad) bravely shares his journey with overcoming pornography. Chandler talks about how it came into his life about 10 years ago, opening us to his Bishop and his Mother, leaving on his mission but still having slip-ups and opening up to his mission president, finishing his successful mission, coming home and opening up to his future wife Jade, how they navigated that reality and getting married. Chandler talks about the new app, Relay, he developed to help others working to solve unwanted porn use. The app makes it easy to form a strong support system and find healthy accountability and deeper connection for healing. You learn more about it at www.joinrelay.app. If you are working to end porn use or want to help others, please listen to this podcast. It will give you new insights and tools. And if you are trying to figure out how/when to open up to your significant other about your porn use, please listen to this podcast. Chandler's

My friend Jonathan Decker (active LDS, married father of 5, licensed marriage and family therapist) joins us to share his testimony which includes how he handles complicated aspects of church history and challenging current issues. It is beautiful testimony that includes the realities of difficult issues in our Church. I became aware of Jonathan when I read this testimony that was shared broadly on social media and asked him to be on the podcast. Here is a link to that testimony: https://www.facebook.com/JonoDecker/posts/10159801545877937 If you are in a faith crisis, trying to reconcile complicated issues, or helping others; please read Jonathan’s testimony and listen to this podcast. It will help you. For some, it might be the sustainable framework to remain in the Church—and I’ve learned that many in a faith crisis do want to find an authentic way to stay in the Church. You can read Jonathan's "Ask a Latter-day Saint Therapist" articles for LDS Living here: https://www.ldsliving.com/jonathan-d

My friends Angela Hughey (Co-founder and President, One Community of Arizona, gay) and Michael Soto (Chief Executive Officer of Equality Arizona, transgender man) join us to talk about the LDS supported LGBTQ legislation in Mesa, Arizona that was passed in 2021. Elder Neil L. Anderson, in his April 2022 Conference Talk titled Following Jesus: Being a Peacemaker, mentioned this effort (www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2022/04/15andersen). Thank you to the many Mesa area Church members who worked to get this legislation passed including Mayor John Giles and Councilwomen Julie Spilsbury. Angela and Michael talk about scaling this effort to a become a nationwide law in the “Equality and Fairness For All Americans” effort. They invite you to join this effort by June 24th at www.equalityandfairness.com/. Angela and Michael also talk about being invited and joining senior LDS Church leaders for the open houses for both the Mesa Arizona and Washington DC Temple open houses. They

My friend Ben Lee (Harvard Law Grad, Age 27) shares the story of feeling deep spiritual impressions to write a book during the rigors of law school to address his own journey to look inward to see pride and work to reduce pride to lift the burdens of others and find more long-term peace. Ben talks about the importance of Christ’s own example of humility and showing grace and love to everyone. This remarkable book is called Pride and Paradox: Exploring Christlike Humility and the Struggle to Defeat Pride and can be found at Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09WQVK19X This is a serious book. I am deeply impressed with Ben’s insights and honest reflections to help us create Zion. I encourage everyone to read and share Ben’s book. Thank you, Ben for being on the podcast and your needed voice to help bring us together as the same human family.