Listen, Learn & Love Hosted By Richard Ostler

My friend Suzanne Stott (mother to ten adopted children, in her 70’s, active Latter-day Saints) shares her lifelong service to marginalized groups of people (homeless, incarcerated, refugees, queer, etc) as an active Latter-day Saint. Suzanne was the Grand Marshall of the Utah Pride Parade in 2022. Suzanne talks about following her heart to reach out to those walking a more difficult road and work to improve their lives. He also talks about her testimony of our restored gospel and her prayers for changes in our Church. She talks about her has navigated multiple faith crisis over the years. If you are looking for a season and mature voice navigating complicated issues in our Church around social issues (race, women, queer), please listen to Suzanne’s story. And if you feel drawn to make a difference in our community, please listen to Suzanne’s story—she will give you gospel principles to figure out how best to do this in your unique way. It is an honor to have you on the podcast Suzanne. Thank

My friend Clare Dalton joins us to bravely share her story. Clare grew up and lives in Arizona, served as a missionary in the Spain Barcelona Mission, earned a Linguistics degree from the University of Arizona, and now teaches high school seminary as a CES employee. Clare talks about her decision to come out in this public Facebook post in October of 2021: https://www.facebook.com/clare.dalton.71/posts/pfbid02QKAncqLVxmKc4fWAfiZkYc86pdzZMJoykaU2FZH94qkvNMBbKL1ej1SofXMgYoa6l Clare talks about her testimony of the love of our Heavenly Parents and the role of the Savior in our lives. Clare talks about principles to better support LGBTQ Latter-day Saints and create belonging. Some of the subjects Clare discusses are how silence sends a loud message, making choices out of faith vs. fear, creating Zion, caring more about truth than gossip, and creating safe spaces. This is a powerful podcast. Clare is a pioneer in a space that hasn’t been walked. If you are a queer Latter-day Saint or someone who wants to bett

My friend Sister Nancy Smith, who is in her 7th year serving in the California Anaheim Mission, shares her story. Nancy (married mother of 4 children, 13 grandchildren, and 4 great-grand children) talks about her own mental health journey during her early years of marriage and her path to healing. Nancy talks about her work to help and support full-time missionaries in her mission with their emotional health. It is a wonderful insight into the vast network of seasoned Latter-day Saints working to support full-time Latter-day Saint missionaries. If you are working to solve mental illness or help others, Nancy's podcast will help you. Thank you, Nancy for your much needed work. Links referenced in the podcast: https://nimh.nih.gov (National Institute of Mental Health) National Institute of Mental Health Resource Center (866-615-6464) (Monday through Friday 8:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. ET) Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services National Helpline (800-662-4357) https://medlineplus.gov Suicide

My friend Char Ahlstrom (active LDS, Married Mother of 6, Grandmother of 6, Convert) shares her story of having three of her six children leave the church. Char and her husband Tom raised their six children teaching the gospel and serving in their Long Beach Ward and Stake—with hope their children would stay active members of the church and raise their children in the Church. But things turned out differently as Char shares having her 4th child (Kyle) come out as gay. Then her 6th child (Keith) also came out as gay. Both Kyle and Keith have stepped away from the Church and are in long-term relationships with men. Char also had another son and daughter-in-law out of the Church. Char, who has been on this road for many years, has helpful insights for parents new to this road. She shares going from fear to peace—and from loving to accepting to action. Char talks about how prayer, scripture study, being open to learning, temple attendance and the atonement of Jesus Christ has given her personal

This is a solo podcast for my friend wanting to repent and for parents/local leaders/friends looking to better help them. It is based on Chapter 5 called “Hope-Filled Repentance” from my book “Listen, Learn and Love: Improving Latter-day Saint Culture”. I hope and pray this podcast is helpful to you. All my love, Richard Links mentioned in the podcast: Richard Ostler Book: Deseret Book: https://deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-love and Amazon: amazon.com/dp/1462139566 Richard Ostler Ensign Article: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/08/young-adults/how-the-saviors-healing-power-applies-to-repenting-from-sexual-sin?lang=eng

My friend Dr. Ryan Gottfredson (active LDS, married father of two, leadership and management professor at the College of Business and Economics at California State University-Fullerton) joins us to talk about his Leading Saints article called “The Root Cause for Why Members Leave the Church and What Leaders Can Do About It”. In this article Ryan shares facts about why people leave the Church and what ministering tools we can use to help people who want to find a way to stay be able to stay. Ryan brings his professional work into this space discussing adults development stages and how a “faith crisis” should be framed in a positive way as growth and “vertical development”. Ryan opens up about some of his difficult experiences and how he has able to move forward. This is a powerful podcast. I learned so much. If you are in a “faith crisis” please listen to his podcast. If you are a Latter-day Saint and want better ministering tools to help you fellow Latter-day Saints with honest questions and to be

My friend Crystal Bowman (active LDS, Mother of six, Marriage and Family Therapist) joins us to share some thoughts on how to talk to our kids about sex from a shame-free approach. The podcast provides new perspectives and helpful tools to begin to talk about sex in an age-appropriate way to be intentional and normalize these conversations in our homes. Crystal teaches this is not a one-time conversation—but an ongoing dialogue with our children that continues as they age up into adulthood. If you are looking for better tools to teach sex education in your home, please listen to Crystal’s insights. It will help you. If you are a local leader wanting to improve your ability to talk about and teach on this subject, this podcast will help you. I wish I had listened to a podcast like this 30 years ago. When we know better, we do better. Thank you, Crystal, for your needed voice and work in our community. I encourage everyone to listen and share this podcast. Links mentioned in the podcast:

My friend Amberly June Bean (gay, active LDS, lo married mother of one; late 20’s) joins us to bravely share her story. Amberly, who grew up in Idaho Falls, talks about knowing she was gay and eventually coming out to her mother (good experience). She talks about the shame and suicidal ideation she felt during this time and not wanting to disappoint her Heavenly Parents by being gay. Amberly talks about the good experience of serving a mission (Nashville, Tennessee) which included coming out to her Mission President. Amberly talks about not participating in the Church for a time and dating women after her mission—but then returning to the church. Amberly, in an unexpected turn, talks about falling in love and marrying her husband, Kendall. Amberly talks about why she decided to come out more broadly via this podcast and her work with Lift and Love to help with support groups for queer youth. Thank you Amberly for being on the podcast. You are brave and awesome. Your story will help so many.

My friend Liz Kazandzhy (married mother of 3, active LDS, podcaster) joins us to talk about her new book focused on helping us better unlock the power of the Holy Ghost to have more spiritual experiences, make better decisions, and feel more hope. Liz (taking each letter of the alphabet) shares how the Holy Ghost can help and guide us. She also shares some personal stories, including working through depression, anxiety, and self-doubt. If you are looking for better tools to unwrap the power of the Holy Ghost, I encourage you to listen to this episode and check out her book. Thank you, Liz, for your wonderful work in our community! Links mentioned in the podcast: The Holy Ghost from A to Z: https://www.amazon.com/Holy-Ghost-What-Spirit-Can/dp/1462142745/ or https://deseretbook.com/p/the-holy-ghost-from-a-to-z Liz’s Podcast: https://ldsbooknook.com/ Liz’s Website: https://lizkazandzhy.com/ Liz’s Podcast Interview on The Cultural Hall: https://www.theculturalhallpodcast.com/2022/09/11/liz-kazandh

My friend Cassidy Lundgren (married mother of four, active LDS) joins us to talk about her three-decade journey dealing with OCD (especially scrupulosity subset) and depression. Cassidy starts with her high school and college years never feeling good enough and being sad all the time—and incorrectly believing that more religious commitment was the key to solve her challenges. Cassidy’s shares how this continued into her college and married years until she was diagnosed with scrupulosity which helped her understand her challenges were not a spiritual weakness but a mental health issue. This was a compete paradigm shift for Cassidy. She gave herself permission to do Church on her terms and develop boundaries on how best to move forward as a committed Latter-day Saint. Cassidy also shares her journey with depression and how she continues to deal with that challenge. Cassidy is very open and brave about her sadness, fears, manifestations of her scrupulosity. It is her hope that her vulnerability will

My friend Nathan McLaughlin joins us to share his story as a gay Latter-day Saint and recent returned missionary (returned home in August of 2022). Nathan starts the podcast with his years leading up to his mission, why he decided to stay in the church, organize a rally at BYU-I to support LGBTQ students, and then his decision to serve a mission. Nathan then talks about his mission which including coming out to individual people at times during his mission. Nathan then shares his spirit-led decision to come out as gay publicly on Facebook. I believe Nathan is the first Latter-day Saint missionary to come out publicly while serving. Here is a link to Nathan’s Facebook post. https://www.facebook.com/natemaklocklin/posts/187097709829160 Nathan talks about reactions from members, missionaries, and investigators to his Facebook post (mostly positive) and how it allowed him to be more authentic and a more effective missionary. If you are queer and thinking about a mission, Nathan’s podcast will help

My friend Kory Koontz (married father of 5) joins us to share his story in the hopes that his journey in life will help others. Kory bravely talks about figuring out his sexuality (he is bisexual), serving a mission, getting married and divorced, feeling suicidal, staying active in the Church, dealing with pornography, getting remarried, working through bipolar 2 and using God-given talents. Kory is very brave and vulnerable in sharing his story—which he is doing in hopes that is will help others. Thank you, Kory, for being on the podcast and your gospel insights to bring hope and healing.

My friend Jaci Wightman (married mother of 7, certified wellness coach) joins us to talk about her new book “Aren’t You Tired: Embracing the Lord’s Call to Enter His Rest”. Jaci write how this book focuses “on how worldly worries, juggling Church responsibilities, and managing societal expectations, many Latter-day Saints are tired. They are weary from constantly striving to work hard enough, be good enough, feel worthy enough. But it is important to remember that the Lord has promised us His rest, not only in the next life, but in this one. All we have to do is stop striving alone for a moment and reach for our Savior's outstretched hand.” Further, Jaci talks about “how we need to leave behind our performance-based paradigm and embrace a grace-filled, new covenant mentality.” She also talks about the love of our Heavenly Parents and Their desire to be involved in our lives on our worst days and our best days. And how that love is not earned—but given to us by grace as Their children. This is a wond

Jeralee Renshaw and David Ostler join us to talk about a Facebook support group for LDS parents who have adult children not participating in the Church. Jeralee and David share their own experience with some of their children leaving the church, the need to community for parents walking this road, what they have learned from other parents, what is helpful, and their goals for their families. If you are an LDS parent with adult children not participating in the Church, this podcast will help you find peace, hope, healing, and a way forward. I encourage you to listen to this podcast and share it with others. I was deeply moved by the insights shared by Jeralee and David—and I believe you will too. Thank you, Jeralee and David, for you much needed work in our community. Links mentioned in the podcast: Bridges Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1139458306236720 David Ostler Bridges Book: https://www.amazon.com/Bridges-Ministering-Those-Who-Question/dp/1589587596/ LDS Living Article:

My friend, Elder Shane Carpenter, joins us as a full-time missionary from the California, Anaheim Mission of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to share his story as an openly gay missionary. Elder Carpenter states he wanted to be "my authentic self so I could become something better,” and be in a better position to help people come unto Christ. His podcast episode, with approval from his Mission Leaders, was recorded in the final days of his successful mission. Elder Carpenter talks about coming out to and receiving support from his parents (Diane and Scott Carpenter), Bishop, and Stake President before leaving to serve as well as during his mission experience. He then shares about his supportive Mission Leaders who asked Elder Carpenter to conduct 2 mission trainings surrounding his experience as a gay Latter-day Saint—including 2 unprecedented mission--wide Q&As focused on teaching and loving our LGBTQ+ friends. Elder Carpenter talks about his supportive companions, becoming a trainer, and

My friend Anne Easton (active LDS mother of four) and Malcolm Easton (age 29, web development, same-sex relationship) join us to share their story. The podcast starts with Anne’s talk in her Latter-day Saint congregation about her gay son Malcolm and what we can do to better support our LGBTQ family members. It is a powerful and needed talk. Anne also talks about all the subsequent needed conversations that resulted from her talk. It is a beautiful example of better creating Zion. Malcolm talks about deciding to attend church that day and the healing experience it was for him to hear his mother talk about him in such a positive way and the kind responses from ward members. Malcolm then shares his story including dealing with the anger and pain he felt towards the Church and how he got over that anger and is now in a place of greater peace. He talks about his loving and supportive family and how that has helped him move forward. He also shares his hope for more peace and understanding in the world and hi

My friends Aubrey and Tim Chaves join us to talk about “Restore: A Faith Matters Gathering” on October 7-8 in Salt Lake City. In this episode they talk about the purpose of the conference, who is speaking, who is performing, and who is invited to this groundbreaking inaugural event. For more information and to register, please go to https://faithmatters.regfox.com/restore Also, Faith Matters is offering a discount to Listen, Learn and Love listeners. Please enter LISTEN when registering. Thank you to everyone at Faith Matters for your efforts to make this conference possible and all the good you are doing in our community. I encourage everyone to check out this event, consider attending, and share it with others. I plan to be there with you.

Our long-time family friend Ben Delmoe (married father of three, active LDS, age 31) joins us to share his story with OCD. Ben starts with how undiagnosed OCD ended his MTC experience causing him to return home. After 13 months, Ben returned and completed his mission pushing through OCD without full understanding of his mental illness. Ben shares several examples of how he coped with OCD—without having the tools (exposure response therapy)—to fully learn how to live with OCD. Ben, who has been married for over 7 years, talks about how he realized a couple of years ago that he needed to fully address his OCD (instead of pushing through) and how that led him on a path of understanding and healing. It’s a brave and remarkable story. And a beautiful love story with his dear wife Anny. If you feel you might have OCD and dealing with it by seeking reassurance, please listen to Ben’s story. It is ERP—not constant reassurance—that is the path to healing and moving forward. And if you are working to

This is a solo podcast for my younger unmarried LGBTQ Latter-day Saints friends—including a segment for transgender Latter-day Saints. This recaps the general principles and advice I give to younger unmarried LGBTQ Latter-day Saints. I hope and pray this is helpful. Much love, Richard Links mentioned in the podcast: Facebook Group to Minster to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 Elder Rasband quote on doctine: https://www.thechurchnews.com/2021/9/1/23218781/elder-rasband-finding-answers-to-questions-california-institute-devotional Richard Ostler’s LGBTQ Book: deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints and amazon.com/dp/1462135773 Free download of Chapter 7 about Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saint from Richard Ostler's LGBTQ book: https://www.dropbox.com/s/0tpa24d5exiabd5/Chapter%207%2C%20Ministering%20To%20LGBTQ%20Latter-Day%20Saints.pdf?dl=0

My friend Suzette Ward Halterman (relationship and couples coach specializing in LDS mixed-faith marriages) joins us to talk about how to keep marriages and families strong and together when different perspectives and beliefs enter the relationship. Suzette shares how those differences can be a good thing as it deepens emotional connection to create a better relationship. If you are in relationships which started out with sameness, but now have differences—please listen to this podcast. Suzette (who has a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy) has tools to help you. And if you want to help others, please listen to this podcast. I learned much listening to Suzette and believe you will find nuggets in the podcast to help you. Thank you Suzette for being on the podast and your good work. You can find Suzette on Instagram @suzettehalterman and at suzettehaltermancoaching.com ** Please Check Out My New Book called "Listen, Learn and Love: Improving Latter-day Saint Culture" Chapter 10 is on M