Desks & Dayjobs

It’s lunchtime, dear listeners! Our heroes have left Chimera Software with READMEs in hand, and can now confidently take a little time to eat. Or, maybe a sudden barrage will of well-timed phone calls will distract them away from life-giving food and send them down a spiral of sudden shopping trips, mentor/mentee meet ups, and secret stairwell swaps. Will our heroes ever get to take their lunch breaks? Who is calling our heroes, and do they mean them well? Find out in this exciting episode where DM Hobert is suddenly asked to fantasy-up some brands he never thought would be mentioned, and also something transpires that will change the tone of this workday forever… In this episode Tory just has to go to Bop Topic Agnes wears cool black pants and a cool black shirt Stuart wants to privatize the fire department And Gerbbi and Maxwell share a moment in the stairwell Featuring music by Liz Getty

Our heroes continue their quest to “get over” hump day, dear listener! The Special Projects crew has ventured down to Chimera Software to find guidance on how best to teach their older co-workers and Tory is continuing to struggle to lead her team while battling nicotine withdrawals. Perhaps help will come to our heroes in the forms of a helpful assistant, a strangely involved security guard, and a little goblin that just keeps disappearing. Pick your favorite savory flavor of La Crouch and step into the smoking library, it’s time for another chapter of Desks & Dayjobs! In this episode Agnes finds some secret phallic symbols Gerbbi stealths his way out of existence Stuart wishes you a Happy Solstice Maxwell takes the cake And Tory becomes Vice Manager

Greetings dear listeners! Our heroes wake to greet a new day at NPC Inc. and there’s excitement on the horizon. With plans for date/Boyz nights ahead of them and pockets full of Gundam models, our heroes arrive - only slightly hungover and going through nicotine withdrawal - to face a day of secret software lessons, new faces, and a dreaded disruption in the mystical Work Flow. Can our heroes put their noses to the grindstone and get through their workday so they can enjoy their Wednesday night plans? Or will a quest for knowledge lead them to a world (and floor!) like they’ve never seen before? In this episode Gerbbi chalks up a couple of “whoopsies” Maxwell pulls off a bare-minimum lie Agnes gets emails IRL now Tory gets some bad news about smoothies And Stuart gets some emails from Hunter’s Mark(et)

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes are once again scattered across their office finishing up Tuesday business and celebrating their victories over a day watering plants, making speeches, and…stealing cakes from old people. Will the end of the day turn their triumphs against them? Will prolonged exposure to Hobe Shadetree cause Maxwell to reveal his secrets? Will Tory’s decision to lead the Marketing department make a riff between her and her twin? Will series of unfortunate rolls lead to a mess for Agnes and Gerbbi? And who the hell is this strange new employee that’s watching everyone and who do they report to? Find out in this exciting episode that’s also a pitch for a savory version of La Croix! In this episode Maxwell pitches “Boy Day” and “Nat 2” Agnes makes a cake mistake Gerbbi avoids being a cake tracker Tory takes a look into the Portal of Time Stuart Little meets Dennis the Menace And everyone can take a handful from the Pickle Bucket

Our heroes have eaten and rested, dear listeners, but there’s still some work to do before their Tuesdays concludes! As most of the Special Projects group heads to the Sales floor to finish watering plants, Agnes goes to visit Mama Storybrook and Tory confers with her brother and the Marketing team about her impending speech. Are you ready for an end of day heist, dear listeners? Are you ready for a motivational speech that breaks all the rules? Are you ready for a lot of jokes about angels shitting on shoulders? Well if you are, go ahead and press play on this exciting episode! In this episode Maxwell gets really, really focused Tory excepts Jesus as her anti-smoking savior Stuart takes a big whiff of Sales floor Gerbbi have book? Or Gerbbi no have book? And Agnes does some coven shit

Greetings, dear listeners! The heroes of NPC Inc. are back, and happy birthday? It might not be your birthday, but for some reason the cast really wanted to wish you one anyway. To catch you up, our heroes triumphed over some of the accounting department’s meanest employees only to watch in horror as their manager Hobe Shadetree was pulled deeper into the foul-smelling, brutally cold accounting department. Can our heroes come up with a plan to pull Hobe from the “stink zone”? Or will they spend so much time experimenting with holding their breath, hacking the AC, and using plants to purify the air that Hobe is lost forever? Also when are they ever going to have time for lunch?? In this episode Agnes drops some Danny Devito based lore Maxwell becomes Static Shock Gerbbi makes a confession Tory learns what a fob is And Stuart bets it all on a coin toss

I hope you’re ready to get rowdy, dear listeners! Because in this all-battle episode, our players, much like the tides of battle, get pretty “turnt.” With Stuart and Tory already lured into the stinky hallway of the Accounting department, the others quickly scramble to fend off the aggressively singing receptionists, Ada and Brady, and a host of damp-looking clerks. Insults will be hurled! Commands will be commanded! A party member will experience a moment of bliss while looking at a painting! Gwen will misremember the plot of Jumanji! And a dreaded Natural 1 will lead to a shocking conclusion that might change the Special Projects division forever… In this episode We get some max-damage from the Gerbster Agnes discourages dreaming while driving Tory won’t grapple till marriage Maxwell is chaotic-horny Stuart gets pressured into saying “Bozo” And we “stink” Hobe is going to be ok

It’s off to the Accounting floor for our heroes, dear listeners! With Tory in tow, they take a dive to the first floor of NPC Inc. to water some plants and hopefully glimpse the noble King of Numbers. But it’s a perilous journey two floors down, and danger may or may not lurk around every corner in the coastal-themed lobby of the newly renovated floor. Can our heroes water and prune all the plants in time for lunch? Or will a pair of fashionable receptionists lure them to their overpoweringly-scented graves?? And yes, listener, the sounds you’ll occasionally hear in the background are the sounds of record-setting rainfall in Chicago and a room full of birds. Enjoy this episode that also doubles as a relaxing “sounds of nature” meditation podcast! In this episode Agnes rustles up some trouble Maxwell has a Gundam model in his pocket (and he’s happy to see you) Gerbbi rolls so high he ceases to exist Stuart defends natural numbers DM Hobert shows off his stamps and says “Pottycast” And Tory trades smoking for

Our heroes are off on a safari, dear listeners! Well, really they’re just watering the plants around the office, but playing make-believe makes everything more fun! It’s whimsical! As most of the party tends to the offices’ many plants, courtesy of Hobe Shadetree, Tory takes some time to continue her quest to become the leader the marketing department needs and feels the first symptoms of her decision to quit smoking. Can Tory resist the urge and still remain her normal knife-sharp self? Can the others successfully pour water onto plants without damaging them or themselves with pruning shears? Will Luke Goodboy ever get to check his email?? Who is the mean intern who looks great in jeans, and why is he leading an incursion onto the third floor??? IS THE KING OF NUMBERS SANTA CLAUS??? Find out in this exciting episode! In this episode Agnes finally says her guitar’s name aloud Stuart goes to jail for time theft Fleena is declared Fan Favorite Maxwell fills out a backstory like an ass filling out jeans And Tor

Tuesday dawns, dear listener, and our heroes are heading in for a bright new day at NPC Inc. Probably too bright if you’re hungover like several of our adventurers are! As the works day begins anew, new challenges quick amass on our heroes’ to-do lists. There’s rallying speeches to give, new email systems to figure out, plants to care for and whispers of a strange darkness gathering on the Sales floor to investigate. Lots of chores, right, dear listener? Isn’t this show, in a way, like the hit video game “Animal Crossing: New Horizons?” And don’t forget, the secret D&D word of the day is “Vampire” so scream when you hear it! In this episode Stuart celebrates DonuTuesday Maxwell mulls selling his soul a second time DM Hobert refuses to learn about Animal Crossing Agnes does a little drunken reading And Tory needs you to back up

Whew, dear listeners! It’s been a long Monday at NPC Inc. and the special projects department is ready for happy hour at The Bone Zone. While they wait for a special DJ set to begin, our heroes take time to heal, drink and menace handsome orcs. As the masked DJ takes the stage and the music beckons our heroes to feel the beat drop and the jams get pumped up, is the dance floor a respite from the day’s work, or yet another trap?? In this episode Gerbbi reveals a dancer’s secret Tory echoes the real Gwen Stuart tries the “regular” whisky Agnes crosses something off her “to-doodledoodle” list And Maxwell becomes Dancewell Featuring music by Michael Scipioni

Stuart and Gerbbi are on a mission, dear listeners! They have five files to file to fulfill their final task of the day, and Mama Storybrook and her bored-to-death staff are all too willing to help. Can Agnes guide them via walkie-talkie as they fight their way through the interns? What is up with Dean, the Filing Machine? Can Maxwell keep Thaddeus and the hobgoblin headhunters from finding the last H&H book? Does Tory own her own walkie-talkie? I know you have a lot of questions, but I assure you the answers to most of them are in this exciting installment! In this episode Maxwell says “rats!” just like Garfield Tory talks walkie-talkies Gerbbi reveals his unpopular Jim Carrey opinions Agnes tries some radio telekinesis Stuart considers a wall and makes a mess And DM Hobert becomes a human Roll20.com “Battle Theme” by Komiku

Stuart is trapped in the HR dungeon, dear listeners! But at least he’s trapped with the strangely warm and gentle accountant, Dave. Dave seems great, right? And Stuart’s going to need all the help he can get as Dr. Gregsteen stages an uncomfortable meet ’n’ greet for Ted, the Perfect Employee. From the HR copier room, Agnes and Gerbbi plan a jail break for their IT friend, while Maxwell takes a trip to the basement storage with Jill Tan, the hobgoblin contractor, and Tory takes a well deserved smoke break. Can our heroes escape with their sanity intact? Will Maxwell fulfill his promise to bring Thaddeus the box of H & H Business manuals? What’s the deal with this Dave guy? Why is he so chill? In this episode Gerbbi keeps changes sizes Agnes rushes in and turns off the lights Tory experiences an ass-related time paradox Maxwell struggle to remember any other employees’ names And Stuart learns a valuable lesson about not making friends

I hope you like improv, dear listeners! Because the Mercita twins are ready to spread the gospel of “Yes, And” and the employees of the marketing department are…sort of ready to receive it. As the terrible twosome teach, the rest of our heroes find themselves wrestling with the consequences of their various actions. Stuart struggles against the clutches of Dr. Gregsteen and the HR monsters, Maxwell reluctantly offers his service to Thaddeus Warman, and Agnes tries to embrace her dark side by bullying the salesman with a bad haircut. Will our heroes ever see each other again? Where the heck has Gerbbi been? Are you, the listener, ready to hear a mandatory improv workshop that somehow, against the laws of nature, goes well? It’s all here in this probability-defying episode! In this episode Maxwell teams up with the hobgoblins Stuart is in bondage and loving it Gerbbi desires a chicken parm Agnes consults “Bullying for Dumb Dummies” And Tory sees herself through the eyes of others

Greetings, dear listeners! Our heroes have completed their quest to tame Trevor the Troll and successfully passed out the new catalogs, so now it’s time for a little side business while they have lunch. While Maxwell, Stuart, and Agnes set out to check out their official offices, Tory and her twin plot to punish the marketing department employees for…not figuring out what Tory is supposed to have them do, I guess? But as our heroes spread out to take a break, choose desks, take some ominous phone calls, eat some toast, and play some games of “Tabaxi, Tabaxi, career,” one of them might be wandering into a trap… In this episode Maxwell posts some Gundam cringe Stuart looks out at city that will one day be his Agnes seeks some bullying advice Luke Goodboy makes his annual good joke And Tory plots an improv/torture class

The adventure continues, dear listeners! Our heroes have their marching orders from the increasingly militant new sales co-manager, Thaddeus Warman, and are off to pass out the new catalog/brochure/pamphlet/post-it note. Whatever it is, they’re on the case! But as our heroes draw closer to the desk of Trevor the Troll, danger looms and the grumpy, messy employee might be a challenge our heroes can’t “Queer Eye” their way out of. Will they get the terrible Trevor to try tidying? Will they all officially make plans for Wednesday night? Will they have any spell slots left after they start using them purely to mess with each other? Find out in this exciting episode! In this episode: Stuart is M Bison DM Hobert’s brain is broken by brochures Tory engages in some aggressive Post-it-noting Maxwell puts the “cat” in “alog” Agnes takes the wrong path and finds her new path And Gerbbi goes down

Hey, Listener? Did you roll a Nat 20? Because you doubled your Bonus Episode damage! It’s…It’s a double bonus episode, ok? In our first half, DM Hobert recaps the previous seasons of Desks & Dayjobs to catch you up for our brand new season: “The Hoffman Chronicles, Vol 2.”**** In the second half (Start 52:30), we have a special one-shot episode, live from the floor of C2E2! Our heroes have passes to F1C2E2, and they set off in their best BatGoblin cosplay to seek a chance to meet George Clooney (who is canonically built into our game’s universe, somehow)! Will they navigate a line full of eager nerds in The Choker (BatGoblin’s popular nemesis) cosplay? Or will they come short of the ultimate treasure: shaking a celebrity’s hand! Thanks to C2E2 and Podcast Central for having us! ***If you are new to Desks & Dayjobs, and would like to learn more about our show, this is a great place to start! The first part is rich in spoilers, so feel free to skip ahead after the show introduction (End 04:45). Otherwise, en

Greetings, dear listener! Monday dawns for our heroes, and the dust is still settling from the events of Friday’s concert. As the Special Projects team arrives back at NPC Inc. refreshed, they’re quickly reminded that, yes, they do need to occasionally do some work. Can our heroes manage a task as simple as passing out some new catalogs? Can Tory, interim manager of Marketing, lead her department into their poorly defined next task? Will this mundane start build into an adventure?? You know it will, dear listener!!! WELCOME TO A NEW SEASON OF DESKS & DAYJOBS!!!!!! In this episode: Maxwell makes some pants related skill checks Gerbbi winks Agnes is followed by DevilBaby666 Stuart speaks in tongues And Tory manages her employees

It’s the weekend, and at NPC Inc. romance is in the air. Honestly, it smells sort of like brandy and vomit! Agnes has gathered her four favorite coworkers and a selection of her most charming friends (and Reagan Longsocks, who grows on you) to do a little speed dating in their favorite dive bar, The Bone Zone. Will our heroes find romance? Platonic friendship? Someone they can at least stand to sit with for a minute? Find out in this exciting interlude to our NPC Inc adventures! In this episode Gerbbi debunks magic Stuart winks ’n’ drinks Tory just wants to meet someone who makes her throw up Maxwell unveils his Season 2 catchphrase Agnes engages in a shot for shot vomit off And an old friend reveals a new career path

Kaos Records presents a live EP by Satanic Panic, Live at the Dragon Known as Lincoln Hall Featuring: Reagan Longsocks on Bass/vocals Agnes Hellman on Guitar/Vocals Brant Beardkowski on Drums Hobe Shadetree on Vocals/a mandolin that wasn’t plugged in Sound by Mike Scipioni