Let's Parent On Purpose

This might be more confessional than instructional, but here are my thoughts as the parent of two different special needs kids. I was asked to do a podcast giving advice to parents of special needs kids, that went something beyond “cut yourself some slack”.  After spending 20 minutes talking about my own experiences, maybe I can can offer double the wisdom: You are not alone. Cut yourself some slack. If you’re a special needs parent, or friends with someone who is, I pray this podcast offers some kind of encouragement, even if it’s “at least I’m not as bad as THAT guy!”

  This guest post is from my friend Willow Sander of Protect the Heart Ministries, in conjunction with our podcast discussion on “Talking to your children about sex”. “Hey, it’s time to talk!” Funny how that phrase does not startle us as parents as much as this one: However, eventually the time will come. Unfortunately, in our fast-paced culture the need for that “talk” will come sooner than most of us would like. We do not have to dread it though. Honestly most of us probably have dreaded that time for a few major reasons: It was handled about as awkward as things get for us as children. Times are different and that difference can be a win in our column as parents. There is access to information that just was not available to our parents. We can Google sites and read books that can really make us prepared instead of have us stammering for words. Focus on the family has a great layout in the “God’s Design for Sex” series. We still see them as not ready and do not want to awaken anything before it is time

Thank you Willow Sanders of Protect the Heart Ministries for joining me for a fantastic discussion of safeguards and protections we parents can instill for our children. Below is an incredibly helpful guest post by Willow that goes along with our discussion. Eyes, Ears, Hearts and Souls I don’t know, in my head the preschool song “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” came to mind as I searched for how to slap a title on this. And realistically THOSE are just the areas we are charged with so cautiously guarding as parents, teachers and family members. A job that seems to be getting harder by the mouse click, tv remote and ticket sale! Thankfully there are many organizations rising to meet that challenge head on. I remember attending a conference a few years back on the climate of pornography in our current culture. It was a difficult one for sure. More reality than many of us cared to admit but we also found out in the midst of such darkness, God was directing people to take back the territory we as a ‘civilized’

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1-4 This is one of the most basic, foundational passage in the Bible for parent/child relationships.  But basic doesn’t mean simple.  Check out this week’s podcast as I break down the implications for both parents and children.  

Everyone wants your 100% best.  But it’s impossible for everyone to get your 100% best. During a time in my life when my family was suffering because of my inability to set appropriate boundaries in work, a wise friend recommended this book to me: When Work and Family Collide (by Andy Stanley) made an incredibly complex subject very clear to me. I want to give my best to everyone, but the truth is that I’m replaceable in nearly every context. But not in my home. In the grand scheme, only one environment is going to get the best of you.  Will it be your work or your family?  You’re going to cheat somewhere.  Learn how to work in such a way that you give your very best to your family, and if anything needs to be cheated, it’s the workplace.  Since you know God is most interested in you giving your best first and foremost to your family, ask HIM to make up the difference in your work. It sounds crazy, but it works.  Just know that it doesn’t relieve you from working hard at work. If you struggle with this, or y

I have a question for those who think that sex is primarily a physical act:  why have you never heard of someone going to a counselor for years after smashing their thumb with a hammer?  I’ve done that before.  I’ve also smashed a finger in a barn door, and it was one of the most intensely painful experiences of my life. But aside from having a silly story to tell and being extra carful around the hinges of doors, I’ve really never looked back. One single, violating sexual act, however, can create years of trauma and dysfunction. Because sex is far, far more than just a physical act.  It’s highly relational, highly spiritual.   Each year I spend time trying to figure out different ways of saying the same thing to our students at Covenant Fellowship.  In the realm of sexuality, here are the basics of a recent lesson I did on Guilt Free Relationships (AKA Great Sexpectations).  (Disclaimer, much of the language and principles for this were taken from a combination of Andy Stanley Lessons on sex, especially 7 Ch

If I can think of one word to describe the culture we live in, it’s “Confused”.  Gender identity might be the battle that gets the biggest headlines, but it’s not like the vast majority of males and females are killing it. I believe that a paper understanding of our identity is key to stability, resiliency, purpose, and meaning.  A misunderstanding of identity leads to confusion, anxiety, and… basically the United States in 2017. On this week’s podcast I share a model for understanding our identity.  Here’s a short overview and the visual I described in the podcast.  If you want details, listen to the podcast. The overall premise is that getting our core identity right is essential to understanding all of the other roles in our life.  As parents, we have thousands of opportunity to encourage and reinforce healthy identity.  A vocabulary and a model will help you. Here are four layers of identity, in what I believe is the healthiest order: Starting from the center and working outward: A person made in the im

I want to share with you two simple object lessons you can use with your kids encourage them to think different. And yes, I know it’s “think differently”.  But Apple made a bazillion dollars off of it’s “think different” ad campaign, so I’m sticking with it. Anyway, we know that we live in a culture that is continually pressuring kids to conform to patterns of destruction, all in the name of “not conforming.” Here’s a simple little illustration i did with the teens in our church, using two well know objects that you likely already have in your house.  If your teens are at CFBC and experienced the illustrations, ask them to repeat and explain them for you! Romans 12:2 tells us  “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” There are two important terms in this verse: Conform: to be pressed from the outside into a certain mold or pattern. Transform: to be changed from with

In case you haven’t notices, your children typically have multiple character issues that need addressing.  Also, in case you haven’t noticed, they usually don’t appreciate when you address those issues. They especially don’t like when you bring up multiple issues all at once.  In that way, they’re like the rest of us humans.  But unlike the rest of humanity, children often have no sense of urgency in developing character habits, responsibility or personal industry.  Inside the safety of the home, there’s generally a buffer zone that protects them from some of the natural consequences they will face in the grown-up world.  This is a good thing, but can be frustrating as well. I feel like I have simple desires for my children: I just want them to treat each other kindly, to speak to me and their mother respectfully, to give their best to their homework and chores, to pick up after themselves, and to preemptively notice when things need to be done and help out sometimes. Sounds simple.  But apparently, it’s insa

Have you ever longed to be in a great discipleship relationship, where you get to mentor someone  and watch them grow  into a fully devoted follower of Jesus?  Are you in one of those relationships now?  If you don’t think you are, let me encourage you to go back home and take a peak in your extra bedrooms at the little people who eat all of your food.  You’ve got your disciples.  Now, how are you going to disciple them? Jesus modeled a very clear, understandable way to make and train disciples.  It works in churches, and in my opinion might work even better in the home, because we eat, labor, and live with those in our home.   On this week’s Podcast, two of my good friends and student ministry veterans help explain a concept called 4 Chair Discipling, which was first elaborated by Dann Spader (You should really buy this book and read it).  Curtis Burnham of Reign Ministries and Crisman Koechig from Coastal life church have been trained and now train others in this surprisingly simple pattern that we see live

I had a recent conversation with one of my good friends and partners in local youth ministry, Crisman Koechig.  It was fun for me and I think it will be helpful for you to listen.  We hit these important topics, and you should really listen in! What are the commonalities you see in families who’s children actually spiritually thrive? What kind of families are most challenging for kids to thrive spiritually? Should you force your kid to come to church or youth/kids ministry? What level of involvement in student and children’s ministry is helpful?  Are you going to hurt them by hovering in there space? The concept of Potted Plant Parenting, and giving up being the “cool parent”. That’s it.  A nice, easy, helpful conversation that will give you just enough goodness to help you through your week. But it’s only helpful if you listen!

We are one week into 2018.  Have you radically changed your life yet?  Me neither.  I’ve mostly been trying to convince my body that I’m not still in India.  I love mornings.  But I don’t love 2AM. Many people love New Year’s Resolutions, and others just as passionately hate them.  I mostly stay away from the “resolution” word because it feels like as soon as theirs failure, there’s despair and giving up.  Anything really worth “resolving” at the front of the year should be worth sticking with as the year goes on, even if it takes you most of the year to start sticking.  If you want some help on getting a new habit to stick, I recommend you checking out one of the very early blogs and podcasts I did,  all about how to learn a new habit. I like to take the couple of weeks at the end of one year and beginning of another to evaluate where I’ve been and where I’m heading.  As I do, I always remember a powerful quote by Andy Stanley: “Your Direction, Not Your Intention, Determines Your Destination” This is simp

Helplessness.  Hopelessness.  Darkness.  Lethargy.  Racing thoughts.  Why am I feeling this way? My good friend Jenny Price joins me again this week for a very honest and helpful talk on anxiety and depression.  Jenny is 26 years  into her marriage and is raising 5 children with her husband, Pastor Matt Price.  She gives a very open, honest account of her personal struggle with anxiety and depression over the years. It’s almost an absolute certainty that you either struggle with anxiety & depression or someone you love does.  This talk was incredibly helpful to me, and I know it will be to you as well. https://www.letsparentonpurpose.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/LPOP-49-Depression-and-Anxiety-in-Marriage-and-Parenting.mp3 Itunes I can’t possibly cover all that we talked about.  Listen to the podcast.   Highlights of the show include Jenny tracing her battle with anxiety and depression from childhood through the teenage years, issues of abuse that exacerbated the situation, physical symptoms that revea

Mother of 5, career coach, and pastor’s wife Jenny Price muses on what she would tell her early parenting self if she had a time machine.

Professional Counselor and adoptive father Bradley McCallester joins me again to talk about strategies for using mistakes to train desired behaviors.

Professional Counselor and adoptive father Bradley McCallester joins me to talk about strategies for using mistakes to train desired behaviors.

When families come together for the Holidays, sometimes it’s a clash of worldview and parenting styles. Here are some steps to ease the pain.

This is a sticky subject: should you keep your children home from church as a consequence for bad grades or behavior?

Here are strategies you can use to invest in your child emotionally, making behavior and conflict resolution much easier.

Investing in your spouse will keep your marriage from going bankrupt!