Sex Within Marriage Podcast : Exploring Married Sexuality From A Christian Perspective

SWM 138 - BDSM Survey Results. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.During July and a bit of August, we ran a survey about people’s BDSM experiences. Depending on who you ask, it was either extensive or just dipping our toes into the topic. In the end, we received over 1,000 complete responses from a wide range of couples, some for whom BDSM is part of their daily life, others who were engaging in BDSM activities didn’t think what they were doing qualified, others who wished they were doing such things but didn’t know how to start, and those who thought it was disgusting that I even considered asking questions about such a topic.or the last three weeks, I’ve spent evenings and weekends digging through the data, coding it, doing pivot tables, building charts, running correlation formulas, and more, trying to get what I can out of it. It’s aptly called data mining because often it feels like sifting through a lot of rocks and dirt just to try and find a nugget of something valuable contained.

SWM 137 - Why we don't spank our children. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Last week, Gary Thomas posted an article on his substack on the topic of discipline vs. punishment—not taking a stance but rather offering it up as a controversial conversation starter. Reading it made me curious about something—does your view of hell change your parenting approach? After all, if God is our example, and you believe that hell is eternal punishment, does that then lend to a more heavy-handed approach to parenting versus someone who believes that hell is an act of mercy?I posted that question in our forum, and it then led to a discussion on using physical punishment on children.  I spent a fair bit of time in the last week or two writing on that thread, and so I thought I’d repurpose it here for those who might be curious about how we raised our children.We, Christina and I, don’t believe hell is eternal torture.  We don’t believe such a view is in keeping with the Bible.  We grew up in a denominat

June 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:Wife thinks she has to be mean to our childrenGolden showers (again)Wife can’t decide if she loves me or notJust because you’re experienced, doesn’t mean you’re qualifiedHere are the links I mentioned during the podcast:SWM 029 - Fantasy affairs, anal sex, golden showers, work during sex and low drivesBDSM SurveyFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful champions!If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review.  They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage.  You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same

SWM 135 - It's good to try new things. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Most kids, when growing up, enter a picky stage at some point.  Some when they’re toddlers, some when they’re young children, some when they become teenagers.  When our 3rd or 4th kid entered this phase, everyone knew the response when they didn’t want to eat something new that we’d made.  “It’s good to try new things.”  They didn’t have to eat it all but had to try it—a decent try, not a touch to the tongue followed by an exaggerated exclamation of disgust.Teaching children to at least give something new a fair shot, I think, has applications later on in life as well. I often talk to husbands and wives whose spouses simply will not try anything new in the bedroom. One will bring up an idea, and it’s immediately shot down by the “picky” spouse—the one who is perfectly happy with the flavour of vanilla every night.Today, I want to talk about why I think it’s good to try new things - not only when it comes to food, bu

May 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:How often should a healthy man need sex?Clitoral piercingHow do we start talking about sex without hurt feelings?Is it good to masturbate to stay in a sexless marriageProfessional nude photos with a male photographerNewly married wife only interested in the same sexual routineBecoming a Christian didn't fix my same-sex attractionNude beachesHow to get better at rejectionStruggling with orgasmHere are the links I mentioned during the podcast:Where did my sex drive go? (free ebook)Marriage CoachingBDSM SurveyFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful champions!If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!Lastly, if you like our podcast, click her

SWM 133 - Loving your spouse where they are. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.I often give beginner homework to my coaching clients. A few of them will likely read this and think, “He was talking about me.” You’re not wrong, but you’re also not alone.I give it out frequently because it helps combat some fundamental problems I see in many marriages: resentment, unmet expectations, and continued disappointment. Whatever caused the resentment doesn’t matter. If you want to improve the marriage, you must get rid of that attitude first. Resentment leads to contempt, and once you hit that point, the marriage is on life support, and it becomes challenging to resurrect.Some come to coaching and realize that they have this issue.  They recognize that resentment is an attitude, and attitudes can be changed.  They know they can fix it; they just don’t know how or need some support, some accountability, or encouragement to keep up the hard work of changing that mindset.And it is hard work. Reversin

SWM 132 - Breast implants and body image issues. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.This episode I'm answer a question I received back in February that I forgot to answer. Here's the question:Hi! To start, I just wanted to say thank you so much for what you do! Your podcast has been immensely eye-opening and helpful! Now, to my question.I am in my 30s, and my husband and I have been together for 15 years. There was porn use by my husband that nearly tore us apart, but after therapy, support groups and endless prayer, I am so thankful to say we are stronger than ever, and he has been porn free for over a year now. It has made a profound difference in our sex life, we feel more connected than ever.That being said, internally, I am still struggling with body image issues. It is not all-consuming but it’s enough to bring me to this point. I have been considering breast augmentation for years now but kept putting it on the back burner due to pregnancy and breastfeeding (we have 3 children).

SWM 131 - Tips to fight more effectively in your marriage. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Last week, I shared a list of ideas our Couple’s Night group had that helped build a resilient marriage. At the end of the call, we still had some time and started discussing fighting more effectively. Again, the group came up with some excellent ideas I want to share today.Because fights will happen, I might even say they should happen.  When I come across a couple that doesn’t fight in any way - that’s a red flag.  It means one or both don’t feel safe in the marriage.  They aren’t able to express their views and opinions. Because if you put two people together for long enough, they will eventually find something to disagree about.Ideally, a fight won’t involve yelling, screaming, hitting, throwing, or anything else like that, but it’s okay to quarrel.So, today, we will discuss how to fight more effectively in your marriage so that your arguments can be a source of growth instead of damage.For m

SWM 130 - Building Resiliency in Marriage. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.On the first Tuesday of every month, Chris from TheLionWithin.us and I co-host "Couple's Night."  Couples from our communities get together to talk about marriage. We discuss struggles, share ideas, tips, and a lot of funny stories. It's an absolute blastThis Tuesday, we got together and talked about resiliency in marriage. There were about six couples in the Zoom call, and I thought they all had a lot of wisdom to share, so I tried to quickly take some notes and thought I'd relay them to you.Because marriages need resiliency, we're going to face struggles. They might be external, like events happening with your job, your family, your friends, and more. They might be internal, such as the type of struggles two individuals face when you put them together for long periods of time for years on end.Challenges are normal, but we need to learn how to face them and not only survive them but, ideally, thrive and grow th

April 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:Can Christians be swingers?Chastity devicesSex and orgasm headachesWife only wants one oral sex position, which he hatesWorried about staminaTrying to spice things upHere are the links I mentioned during the podcast:Becoming more sexually engaged (course)System Jo flavoured lube (shop)Our Sexploration List (resource)Our Sexploration List (sample)Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful champions!If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review.  They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage.  You managed to find us, help someone el

SWM 128 - Marriages require recalibration. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.There’s an old quip about how men get married expecting their wives to stay the same, and women get married expecting to be able to change their men, and neither gets what they want. It’s funny because often, there’s an element of truth to this, which frustrates both spouses.Of course, it doesn’t apply to every marriage, and sometimes the dynamic is reversed, but what is expected of every marriage is that something in the marriage will change.  It may be the wife, it may be the husband, it’s likely going to be both in some ways, and it’s also going to be your surroundings and context.  You’ll get pets, you’ll have kids, you’ll move, you’ll change jobs, change churches, experience illness or injury, suffer losses or experience big wins - whatever it is, things will change.Those changes require a recalibration of the marriage, communication, and a discussion about what it means, what needs to change, and what shou

March 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:Why am I not interested in sexy any more after having a baby?How do I get my wife to rest without guilt?Why does my wife dismiss my advice when she asks for it?How do I get my wife engaged in sexual growth?Are men infatuated with their ejaculate?Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:Where did my sex drive go?Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful champions!If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review.  They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage.  You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive

SWM 126 - Unspoken nuances of understanding. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Marriage is a cosmic tapestry, a constellation of souls woven into the fabric of time, where vows echo in the heart's language, shaping a journey of shared whispers and laughter. It's a dance of compromise and compassion, a symphony where individual melodies blend into a shared harmony, with time sculpting the narrative of a joint odyssey. Amidst life's tempests, love's resilience is tested, forging a bond that transcends the ephemeral, painting a portrait of unity where intimacy bridges solitude, and shared dreams color the canvas of existence.Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, click he

SWM 125 - Rethinking Duty Sex. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.I've had a lot of conversations with couples as well as husbands and wives individually lately about what often gets called "duty sex" or "pity sex." For those who don't know, duty/pity sex is when one spouse gives in to sex, not because they desire it themselves, but because their spouse does. They might have sex for many reasons, including feeling obligated, pressured, guilty, to keep the peace or to "get them off their back."The problem is that these negative reasons are often the only ones considered, and so any situation in which one spouse wants sex and the other agrees to it without having an internal desire of their own is seen as unfavourable.But there are some excellent reasons to have what's commonly considered "duty sex" or "pity sex," and often, the conflicts I see in marriages are not that it's because of those reasons I mentioned above but instead about something positive and loving.So, in this podcast episod

SWM 124 - My daughter's speech - A vaccine against the epidemic of transgenderism. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Today I've got something a bit different than the usual fare. Last year, for our 100th episode, I had my eldest daughter present her 4H speech as I felt it fit the scope of this blog. This year, she wrote a part 2. She won at her local club, and placed second at districts. So, we thought we'd record a version for the podcast again. Rather than give away any of the speech, I'll just let you read it. If you do want to go back you can read the first speech here.Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others kno

January and February 2023 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:The monthly masturbation challengeHow do I make anal sex enjoyable for her?Periods and vacations and sexAging and orgasm strugglesHow do I know if I’m in right?Does fantasizing about my husband make it a shared experience?Condoms for handjobsResources for newlywed virginsHere are the links I mentioned during the podcast:FullyLiving.com Marital Mastery Virtual WebinarBecoming more sexually engaged Webinar (for wives)Is it okay to engage in pegging in marriage?Do Christians have sex during their period?Can you have sex during your period?Christians, anal sex and anal playThe DivaCup and why I love it (by my wife Christina)Our Sexploration ListThe Limon by MinnaLife (sex toy - bullet, rumbly and quiet - on a rediculous sale and the last of their stock)SWM 082SWM 085Intended for pleasure - Ed and Gaye Wheat (book)Married Sex - Gary Tho

SWM 122 - How to make your spouse more attractive to you. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.If you look online, you can find tons of videos, articles, podcasts, products and more about how to make yourself more attractive to your spouse or potential partners. I mean, it's everywhere. You can also find resources to help you make your spouse more attractive by changing them. What you don't see much of, though, are resources to help you change your mindset to make them seem more attractive to you without changing them.We all know the phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," but rarely, if ever, is it used to recognize that you, as the beholder, can change what you're attracted to.Upcoming Events:Marriage Mastery Virtual Summit - I'm speaking at 3pm EST on March 9th, 2024 about why you should have a varied sexual repertoireBecoming more sexually engaged webinar - for Christian wivesResources:37 Questions for spouses to ask each other about sexOur Sexploration List - SampleFollow us on

SWM 121 - Why marriage should be hard work. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.I made a post on social media some time ago saying, “Marriage is hard, divorce is hard, choose your hard,” and someone asked me if I then disagreed with some other bloggers and podcasters who say that marriage is and should be easy.  This post expands on what I wrote in response to that question.There is a trend these days to water down Christianity and make it easy.  In the times of the early church, being a Christian meant persecution, possibly even death, and they still willingly took on that challenge.  These days, people want Christianity to be comfortable and easy. We see many churches that are more social clubs than ministries, many pastors who are eloquent speakers but not doers of the faith, and many teachers who scratch those itching ears by telling you that being a Christian should be easy and comfortable.For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desi

SWM 120 - How you may be making your birth control methods ineffective. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.A few years ago, I was talking to a client during a coaching call, and we got off on a bit of a tangent about condom use. I explained a few ways that people tend to lower the protection of condoms when they use them. He was, well, shocked because he'd done many of them and had no idea that every time he did that, he was increasing the chance of conception.And so, I've had this post idea on the back burner for quite a while until last week, when I mentioned in response to an anonymous question that if you don't want kids, you shouldn't have sex because even condoms and birth control are not perfectly effective when used correctly - and most people don't know they're not using them correctly.When I posted that, one of our supporters asked if I could write that post, so here we go, because, well, my supporters do so much for me, I'm happy to help them out.In this post, I'm only talking

Topics include: How do you use a vibrator? Is roleplaying marriage a sin? Will a dildo make me unsatisfied with my husband? Wife makes excuses about everything When to start talking to your kids about sex? Wife caught me watching porn Is masturbation without porn a sin?