Sex Within Marriage Podcast : Exploring Married Sexuality From A Christian Perspective

SWM 157 — Why Sex Gets Derailed Right Before It Starts. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.When intimacy keeps getting derailed by oddly timed comments about hygiene, illness, or unrelated problems, it’s easy to wonder if you’re losing your mind or being subtly shut down. This question comes up far more often than people realize, and the answer is almost never "you’re crazy" or "your spouse is malicious." What’s actually happening lives in the brain, and once you see it, the pattern makes a lot more sense. Have a question of your own you want answered? Visit our anonymous Have A Question page. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum. Thank you to all our faithful supporters! If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference. Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps other

SWM — Sex as Worship: Pornography, Erotica and AI Companions. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. Pornography and erotica have become ubiquitous and socially normalized, and AI “companions” are increasingly marketed as hyper-sexual substitutes. These offer the appeal of intimacy without risk—no rejection, responsibility or vulnerability—yet they train desire away from real people and covenant relationships. God designed intimacy for embodied, vulnerable union within marriage (Genesis 2:24–25; “to know” as in Genesis 4:1). In the “Sex as Worship” framework, aligning with God’s design is worship; deviations declare that we know better. Scripture shows God’s insistence on real relationships, not images or illusions (Exodus 20:4–6). Marriage pictures Christ and His church (Ephesians 5:31–32), and the incarnation underscores embodied presence (John 1:14). Substitutes like porn, erotica and AI reject that design (Romans 1:25). Practically, these fantasies retrain desire through novelty-driven d

SWM 155 - Hookup Culture - When You Take Relationship Out of Sex. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.We live in a world that has learned to separate what God never divided.Hookup culture is the next stage of sex stripped of meaning - where bodies meet, but no one truly connects.I’m continuing this series exploring how, when we remove aspects of God’s intent for sex, we end up with all the examples of sexual immorality we see in our world.Last time, I tackled what removing covenant from sex gets you: sex before marriage, and the fallout from that choice.Today, we’re going to push that even further and look at hookup culture. At first glance it might seem like sex before marriage taken to the next level - but that expansion comes with new problems.This isn’t just the removal of covenant - it’s the removal of the relationship itself.Links in this podcast episode:Marriage CoachingSpeak at an event or churchFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as t

SWM 154 - Sex before marriage - when you remove covenant from intimacy. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.In my last episode, I talked about how sex is an act of worship because having sex, the way God intended, gives worth to Him. It honours what He created by using it as He intended.However, our society is doing its best to invert that by taking away elements of God’s plan so as to distort sex. To make it not something that’s worship and creative, but rather destructive to ourselves, to each other, and to society as a whole.So, today we’re going to explore sex outside of marriage, or what happens when you remove the covenant from sexual intimacy.And to be clear, the legal status of the relationship is not the big problem here. It’s the intentional lifelong monogamous commitment to each other. Arguably, many marriages in the Bible are considered marriages simply because they had sex. However, sex is meant to seal a covenant, not substitute for one.Links in this podcast episode:Marriage

SWM 153 - Sex as an act of worship. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.The other night, after my wife and I had sex, we were lying there in that sweaty, happy pile you end up in when the oxytocin kicks in. As I often do, I asked her what she was thinking about. She’ll tell you I probably ask that too often, because I’m endlessly curious about what’s going on in her head.Her answer surprised me. She said, “Sex is an act of worship.”I asked her to explain, and she said, “Well, everything we do should be for God. And since you’re the head of the household, just as Christ is the head of the church, then giving myself to you, serving you in this way, is like serving Christ.”That surprised me. I mean, I’ve taught before that sex is about more than physical release - that it’s for procreation, for bonding, for comfort, for recreation, even for warding off temptation. But I don’t think I’ve ever described it quite this way: as an act of worship.So let’s unpack that. What does it mean that sex - s

June - August 2025 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:My wife’s nightclothes are killing my attractionIs using a vibrator wrong?How do I get my husband to initiate sex?Need something to spice up our sex lifeHow does scent factor into spouse selectionRecovery after pregnancyIs using classical conditioning on your spouse wrong?How do I keep myself from becoming distant from my husband? How can I talk to my husband about oral sex?Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:Have a Question (form)Join the supporter's forum (donate)Manual Sex & Masturbation SurveyBecoming More Sexually Engaged (webinar)Why masturbation is a problem whether you're married or single (blog)Sexploration ListMarriage CoachingFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful champions!If you'd like to

Jan - June 2025 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:Do men enjoy cunnilingus after ejaculation?Should I feel bad for refusing oral after anal?My spouse says I should accept substitutes for sexFeeling unloved due to lack of physical affectionGuilt over sexual desires shaped by past porn useWhen one spouse wants BDSM and the other doesn'tSex is loving but not exciting—can it be fixed?Why not have kids in your 40s?Survey requests on mutual masturbation and handjobsHere are the links I mentioned during the podcast:Have a Question (submit form)Sexploration ListTalking Dirty (ebook)Responsive vs Spontaneous Desire (post)Desire vs Willingness (post)Sexual Frequency (post)SWM 125 - Rethinking Duty SexBDSM ForumBDSM Survey ResultsMutual Masturbation Survey ResultsCunnilingus (glossary)Your Definition of Gross Changes (post)SWM 147 - Sexual CompatibilitySWM 150 - Control, Sex, and MarriageBecoming More

SWM 150 - Control, sex and marriage. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Last month, I watched a great video by Gary Thomas and his wife Lisa on how a controlling spirit can harm a marriage. It got me thinking: In Christian circles, we often struggle to define the difference between healthy leadership and damaging control—both in marriage and in our relationship with God.Why is it that surrendering to God is seen as good, but demanding control from a spouse is harmful? The key, I believe, is consent and love. When surrender is freely given and motivated by love, it can bring freedom and joy. But when control is forced, it leads to resentment and broken trust.In this post, I’m sharing some personal stories and lessons we’ve learned about navigating these tricky dynamics in marriage.Links in this podcast episode:Gary Thomas - Substack - A controlling spirit can devestate a marriageSWM 108 - What does the Bible say about hell?Sexual Frequency - Why I don't worry anymoreBecoming More Sexually

 Today we’re going to do something a little bit different. For those who have been listening for more than a year, you know that my kids are in 4H and every year they have to deliver a speech. For the last few years, my eldest daughter has been delivering speeches about transgenderism based on her research and her own personal experiences. Now, these are difficult topics, and in a lot of cases, she gets, angry judges who mark her poorly simply because of the topic and her stance on it. And it’s easy to think that, oh, that’s just her father thinking that she should have scored better, but when a large number of people every year come to her afterwards telling her how impactful her speech was, how they don’t understand how she couldn’t have placed higher or sometimes at all, when the scoring comes back with no notes, only a bad score, and every year people tell her that she should be talking to churches about this, it’s hard to think otherwise. This year we had an elected g

SWM 148 - 14 red flags your marriage is drifting towards divorce, affairs or lifelong unhappiness. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Have you noticed how quickly disagreements turn into demonization these days? Whether it’s politics, religion, or even marriage, we’ve gotten stuck in a cycle of contempt—where the ‘other side’ isn’t just wrong, they’re evil. And it’s destroying relationships.I see this in my marriage coaching practice all the time: spouses who’ve spent years labeling each other as selfish, cruel, or hopeless. They roll their eyes, assign malicious motives, and show up just to prove their partner is the problem. Once that mindset takes root, digging out takes months—sometimes years.But there’s hope. When couples catch it early—before contempt hardens into habit—change can happen fast. Today, I’m sharing 14 warning signs that you’re heading down this dangerous path. Some might surprise you (like sarcasm or ‘harmless’ nicknames), but the last one? It’s the red flag you can’t

SWM 147 - How do you know if you're sexually compatible? Check out the blog post here for more details and links.The most common argument I hear for premarital sex is, "You need to know if you're sexually compatible before getting married. Otherwise, you might end up stuck in a sexless, unfulfilling relationship."And it sounds like sound reasoning.  We test-drive cars before buying them.  We have probation periods for people we hire at work.  We sample foods before purchasing them.  Shouldn't sex, which is one of the most intimate parts of marriage, be tested beforehand to make sure you're a good match?It's a compelling argument that convinces many people to abandon their principles.  It makes you question your morality.  It promises both immediate and long-term gratification.However, it's based on a flawed premise.Links in the episode:Becoming More Sexually Engaged (Course)The Art of Edging (eBook)Legalistic vs Loving Approach to Marriage (podcast)National Longitudinal Lesbian Family StudyLet's talk about se

SWM 146 - Legalistic vs Loving Approach to Marriage - Shifting from Rules to Relationship. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.In my work as a marriage coach, I often see couples transition from one type of marriage to another. There’s no clear line between these states, no set of rules that definitively places someone in one category or the other. Yet, by observing how they handle conflict, express themselves, and interact in small ways, you can often tell which state their marriage is in.A big part of my job as a coach is helping people shift from one type of marriage to another as most issues in marriage are resolved by doing so.Free webinar for Christian wives - Jan 26, 8pm ESTMarriage CoachingFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.

Oct, Nov, Dec 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:Talking about a lack of sexNot drive due to cancer treatmentsWife doesn't want to use lubeOur sex life is routineStrap-on to help with premature ejaculationDo husbands like handjobs?Can a married couple film themselves during sex?Is sex better on a full stomach?How do you start anal sex?Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:SWM 002 - Getting rid of veto power in the bedroom (podcast)Sexual Frequency - Why I don't worry anymore (post)SWM 125 - Rethinking duty sex (podcast)Coaching (service)My wife wants me to tie her up?! (post)BDSM Survey Results (post)Some rough sex statistics (post)The art of edging (ebook)MarriedDance.com - Hollow strap-on (toy)Where did my sex drive go? (ebook)Do Christians make sex tapes?The way to her heart? Response to romantic cues is dependent on hunger state and dieting history: An fMRI pilot study (

SWM 144 - Why wives have a complicated relationship with sex and what to do about it. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.One of our supporters posted a question in our forum which led to a bit of a discussion on what men perceive as sexy, and it shook the questioner a bit, because it was radically different from what she had been led to believe her whole life.This led into a larger discussion about why women tend to have more hangups about sex than men do.  I shared my thoughts in the forum in a bit of a rant and then realized that I don’t know if I’ve really tackled this a whole lot on the blog and podcast.  If I have, it’s been a few years, so it’s time for a refresher for the new people.So, I’m going to try and make it a little less ranty and a little more coherent and see if maybe I can teach some other wives and women out there a bit about what many men think regarding sex in the hopes that it might help some marriages, present or future.What does the Bible say about hell (and our so

I feel like I have some explaining to do.  A couple of weeks ago, I shared that lately, Christina and I have started having sex a lot more than usual.  We had more sexual encounters last month than there were days in the month.  We’re at about 30 for this month already.  This has led to some questions by some people.  I wrote a large thread in our supporter’s forum to try and answer them all and thought it might be helpful here.  Because it goes beyond just an “ask me anything” sort of post.  It’s really about how we’ve adapted sex to deal with sexual dysfunction in a way that’s not only positive but actually ends up being more fun and connecting than I think most people’s sex lives are.I’m going to try to adapt a forum thread into a post and see how it goes.  If you want to read the original, then you have to become a supporter, and you can search for the thread called “Sex with erectile dysfunction and delayed ejaculation” because there’s more to the thread than

August 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:ExhibitionismNo sex in 4 monthsShould I disclose previous porn struggles to fianceeOther resourcesWhat qualifies as mutual masturbationNeed rougher sex to orgasmHere are the links I mentioned during the podcast:Dealing with differing sex drives in marriage (page)MarriedDance.com (store)RomanticBlessings.com (store - US only)LoveHopeAdventure.com (blog)HotHolyHumorous.com (blog)Gary Thomas (substack)BDSM for ChristiansThe art of edging (ebook)BDSM survery results (post)Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful champions!If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us

Agust 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:Wife trades chores for sexHow to handle no sex due to birthWater-based lube that doesn’t cause UTIsGuy’s relationships always end in affairsPost-childbirth and penis size preferencesWife is a gatekeeperHere are the links I mentioned during the podcast:Sliquid H20 Lube (product)How does breast or penis size affect sex (survey)Responsive desire is a blessing (post)Desire vs willingness (post)Where did my sex drive go (ebook)Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful champions!If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review.  They help others know this is a good

July 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:Wife’s love dependent on moodWhy don’t you direct people to God?Can’t seem to manage other positionsWife rejects exploration and being seenNervous about sex outdoorsCrossdressing rehashHere are the links I mentioned during the podcast:Responsive vs Spontaneous Desire - The Lion Within Us (podcast)Your definition of gross changes when you're arousedSWM 068 (podcast)SWM 070 (podcast)SWM 099 (podcast)Is it wrong for Christians to crossdress? (post)Healing from crossdressingFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful champions!If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us

SWM 139 - Why won't my spouse do x? I would do it for them. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Recently, I’ve noticed a question popping up all over the place. It’s come up in our supporter forum, coaching sessions, emails, comments in our latest survey, and more. This question points to a fundamental tension in many marriages - at the root of it is a self-centric desire. The desire for our spouse to serve our own needs and expectations. Whether it's about sex or more subtle emotional needs, this recurring question often revolves around a common theme: a wish for partners to be more like ourselves.For men, this question frequently focuses on sexual matters. Some men wonder why their spouses don’t engage in sex as often as they would like or why they don’t fulfill certain specific desires. On the other hand, when women voice similar concerns, the issues are often more nuanced. Many women express frustration with their partner's inability to intuitively understand their needs without expl