2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast

Good friends are always there when you need them, but it's your best friends that you can really count on to tell you all about the best sex toys to use with your new girlfriend. When you make that new purchase, just try not to leave it at your parent's house when you spend the night. Even if they don't use it...just the thought that they touch it is enough to throw it right into the trash.

Today's parents think they're internet savvy and that they know where their kids are going on the internet. Well...it turns out your kids really are smarter than you. They know how to log on to your computer, they know how to erase their browsing history and they know all your passwords, too. Maybe next time you'll choose a password that's not the name of your favorite pet.

In a time before Lesbian bars, before there were Lesbian go-go dancers and before we knew more than a handful of Gay people each....that time was called, high school. Now we have domestic partnerships, we're on our way to a time in the future when Gay marriage will be legal, LGBT people won't feel like second class citizens, and Olivia Cruises will be selling tickets for a trip to the moon.

Here's more proof that what happens in Vegas certainly does not stay in Vegas...especially when two Homos are on the trip. Now the secret is out that you'll find dancers with stripper poles in furry boots at the Hard Rock, there are valets parking cars who are older than 50, you can score less than 80 in bowling and still have a really good game, and it is possible to find bad bread pudding on the Strip.

There's nothing wrong with dressing up for Halloween, handing out candy and having a little fun. It's when you start offering candy to everyone in the neighborhood, including the parents, that you're starting to cross the line. Thinking that you may decorate the entire house and the whole backyard to become a haunted house for everyone to walk through is really going too far.

Today's Lesbians are entirely too busy to be wasting time. We need to make every minute count. As long as you've got a doctor's appointment you may as well have them check your blood pressure, do a full physical and get that pap smear out of the way all at the some time. Don't forget a pair of tassels so that you can make a little extra money on the side while you have your mammogram done.

It's not that Lesbians don't like manicures and pedicures, it's just that not everyone wants to get it done in the middle of a straight chick fest. It might be more comfortable to get it done in the Lesbian nail salon where they have a refrigerator full of beer, the game is being shown on a giant flat-screen TV, the latest issue of Curve is available to flip through, and the ladies from Clinique have a booth to show young Femmes how to apply the latest colors for Fall.

It may not be immediately obvious, but "help" really is a four-letter word. "Help" should not cost you extra money, require more of your time than if you were to do something yourself, or aggravate you to the point where you need pills to keep you calm. Next time someone tries to help you...help yourself instead and just say, "no".

It's creepy enough when you pets are in the same room with you watching while you're having sex, but to have a family member walk in while your ass is up in the air is really embarrassing. It's a good thing your parents don't know how to upload videos to You Tube. Otherwise, you might just be an overnight Internet sensation.

Sometimes you just need that little kick start to get yourself motivated to start on a big project such as cleaning up the house. Now there's an answer. Simply tune in to "Hoarders" on A&E Network and you will be filled with the fear, motivation and neuroses to make sure that you clean out every closet, organize every drawer and take all your old clothes and unused household items to the nearest charitable drop off location.

In tough times it's good to have an entrepreneurial spirit to help kick start the economy once again. The key to success is to find that one unique idea that has a good chance of success. Sponsoring drug dealers near high schools or using condom companies to sponsor school sports teams may not be examples of winning formulas.

There's nothing like a lazy Sunday afternoon watching football, throwing back a few beers and maybe winning a few dollars in the football pool with your friends. That was until we found Friday night football courtesy of the Lingerie Football League. Make sure you take your heart medication before you tune in.

Before you go camping, it's a good idea to make a list of the things you'll need. First, make sure you drive your Porsche to the camp ground. Don't forget the beer cups that you can write your name on, the portable Uno game, the travel stripper pole and a couple of Lesbians to take pictures of your camp site when the bear comes to visit.

You know you're an old married Lesbian when to have "fun" you head to the nearest Sears and fantasize about buying new appliances for your home. It might be time to break up and start dating someone 20 years younger who wants to party all night and have sex all day. One thing is for sure...she'll be more expensive than the shopping trip to Sears.

Sitting through an entire wedding can be a long, drawn out and painful experience...even if it's your best friend getting married. To help make the time go by quicker, why not give yourself a sense of purpose and come prepared with a special mission of your own. Chat up every hot girl at the wedding reception and try to find single lady to hook up with your neurologist.

This Fall, Lesbians all over the world will be making a striking fashion statement as they dig deep into their closets to pull out those old fanny packs we all used to wear back in the 80's. Now you can be both fashionable and sensible as you discretely carry all those Lesbian necessities - your wallet, your hairbrush, your lip balm and your car keys. Don't forget to tuck in a few cherry dental dams for good measure.

The LA County Fair is not any different from a country fair you'd find anywhere in the U.S. We have animals, carnival rides, cotton candy, silly games and crappy fried food. We also have half naked women walking around in tank tops that are too small for them and daisy dukes that go half way up their asses. The only difference is that in LA you might have to question whether their boobs are real or plastic.

In this economy it's important to make sure you come to a job interview with your "A" game. You might only get one shot at landing that important job, so make sure you're ready. A few tips to keep in mind - take a shower before you go, don't show up in your sweatpants, wear some deodorant, and tits out is optional...although not always recommended.

If you don't kiss someone that is standing under mistletoe, it means you will have bad luck for the rest of your life. Whether you believe that superstition or not, it's probably worth taking a chance by walking away if an ugly Lesbian with halitosis is standing under that mistletoe. Having bad luck for the rest of your life just has to be a better outcome.

It's never easy to ask for help when you're not able to take care of yourself as well as you used to, but if that time ever comes, you may as well do it in the best possible style you can think of. Get the wheelchair with the spinning hubcaps and gold plated rims. Deck it out with Italian leather seats with temperature controlled seat warmers. And, make sure it has a cup holder on the side to hold your diamond encrusted Pimp Cup.