2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast

Lesbians share a deep and rich history that goes way back to the beginning of time. Unfortunately, you won't find too much about the heroines of yesteryear in today's history books. That's why it's important for us as Lesbians to carry on sharing our own oral history so that these larger than life figures of the past will never be forgotten. After all, it's our civic responsibility to make sure we never forget who invented the Mullet.

Let's stand up and be counted! It's that time of the decade when Roxanne tries to find out which zip code...or country...has the largest number of cute Lesbians. She claims it's not a "dating service", but she sure has a lot of questions about you, your exes and your availability for a new relationship. Print out the survey and send your responses to Roxanne@2Homos.com

It's a jungle out there. Before you go out on a hunting expedition for your next future "ex", make sure you take all the necessary precautions. Bring a large rifle, some thigh-high boots and a large bottle of snake repellent. It's always useful to bring a net and a big bag, too, just in case you need to tie up and carry back your prey.

Sometimes it seems that your Gaydar is just not working properly. You encounter Lesbians and nothing happens, you see Gay men and there are no bells...something is just not right. If that's happening to you, it might just mean that it's time to replace the batteries in your Gaydar. Just to be safe, you may as well replace the batteries in the Crazy Meter, too. You just never know...

Scientists have very specific techniques they use when examining foreign substances for the first time. They never stick their nose in it and take a direct whiff and they never touch it to take a taste of it until they know wether or not the substance is safe. You never know if what you're examining might be what the dog excreted from its anal glands earlier that day.

The Sims has always been a Gay friendly game. You can create same sex couples, have them kiss and be affectionate with each other, and even live together. If you've ever played the game, you're familiar with the unique brand of mumble-speak Sims use to communicate with each other. What you may not have known is that some of the Sims have left the game and are now working at CVS Pharmacy. There's a reason some people never leave the house.

Learning institutions should be safe and protected environments where everyone is free to learn. Within those austere walls it's completely inappropriate for a teacher to even consider having sex with a student. The rules, however, may not be so clear for the teachers when it comes to having sex with each other. Either way, you'd at least think they would have enough common sense to lock the classroom door before taking their clothes off.

First time jitters are natural the first time you're with a woman. You may be confused about what to do once you get into that situation, you may be nervous that you won't know how to please her, and you definitely don't want to look stupid once her clothes come off. As usual we've got some good advice for you that includes not shaving her entire body in the bathtub on the first date.

If your lady has been cranky for no reason lately, your first reaction may be that she is PMS'ing...again. Maybe she's not getting enough sleep, maybe she's not getting enough sex or maybe she's just a plain old bitch. Once you get beyond all of that, there may actually be a medical reason for her short temper. It could be that she is low on electrolytes or possibly her iron levels are deficient. Time for a doctor check-up.

Young Lesbians everywhere need to beware. There are straight women on the prowl looking to prey on susceptible young Lesbians by luring them into hot, smokin' extramarital affairs and relationships without disclosing the whole truth - that they have a husband at home! Add straight women to the list of predators that nice young ladies need to watch out for.

It's the time of year for giving, so why not give something to yourself? It's OK if you take gift cards from needy children, smoke crack with funds from the city you work for, or buy prostitutes by using your government spending account. It's only when you get a blow job at your place of work that it becomes an issue...even if you're multi-tasking and getting work done at the same time.

There's more than one way to stuff your stocking this holiday season, but we'd be remiss if we didn't give you our rundown of great gift ideas for friends, loved ones and even those you hate. We've got something for everyone on your list whether they've been naughty, nice or just plain nasty. Break out that credit card and get ready to revive the economy.

It's not that Lesbians don't want attractive bras to wear. We just need them to be attractive, yet still functional. Sports bras are functional, but not necessarily attractive. 18-hour bras are functional, but not necessarily attractive. Worst of all, you don't want to pick up a woman you think is "double D" who happens to really be a "nearly A" when you get her home.

Good fences make good neighbors. It also helps to have a fence that's six-feet tall so you don't ever have to talk to your neighbors or interact with them. Best of all, it also helps maintain the mystery about who your neighbors really are. That way you'll never have to know that the Steppford Wife next door sells Botox for a living and has man-voice.

The secret to a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship is to make sure that both partners get their needs fulfilled on a regular basis. Next time your partner wants to do something that you hate doing, simply send them on a play date with a friend and you won't have to deal with it. Then you can stay home and fall in love with fake characters in a video game all by yourself.

December 1, 1988 marked the first official World AIDS Day, but it's a pandemic that we have all been living with for more than 25 years. We may have drugs and cocktails that help slow down and even reverse the effects, but they're not accessible, affordable or tolerable for everyone that needs them world-wide. The long-term affects are also unclear. This fight is far from over, so speak up, speak out, communicate with your partner and make sure you're protected.

Adults are not that much different from babies. When you want to get a baby to stop crying, you try to divert their attention to something else. Maybe it's food, a different toy or a funny face that you make. When Lesbians start getting into a heated conversation, simply try pointing out a nice looking lady with big boobs. That should do the trick and get everyone into a happier place.

As a parent it's important to keep track of who your kids are hanging out with, what kind of music they're into and what bad things they might be getting up to. Adults should be good role models for their children by exhibiting appropriate behavior at all times. Encouraging 10-year olds to share ring tones with bad words and sexual references might not be a good example of being a mature adult role model.

Next time you're online looking for your new ex-wife at one of the Lesbian dating sites, you may want to update your profile about what you're looking for in a lady. Add that you're looking for someone who is a breast technician at a mammogram center. This is someone that fondles breasts for a living, they understand the importance of warm hands, and they've got a lot of experience picking up and fondling all kinds of breasts. That's what they do for a living....so they get a lot of practice.

Once the relationship has ended and it's time to dispose of all those fun sex toys you acquired over the week that your latest long-term relationship lasted, it's important to know how to dispose of your toys properly. If you can't donate your used toys to the local Goodwill, you can always spread some good will of your own by depositing them in your neighbors' mailboxes. Just make sure they don't have a dog that likes to chew things.