Scummy Mummies - Podcast

What is the collective noun for a group of Lindas? How is anal sex like relationship bitcoin? And which Hollywood action star would Sam Pamphilon pleasure orally for £50,000? Yes, it's the Scummy Mummies Christmas Special!As usual, we get too drunk and talk absolute nonsense for too long. The same old Christmas podcast traditions are back, but Ham Review gets a new twist this year, and Nurse Jessie shares some news that leaves our jaws on the floor.Steve Hill literally phones it in, while Sam tells a story that will ensure you never enjoy using chopsticks again. Plus, it's the return of popular filth-themed game Anything for Money! Thank you so much to everyone who has listened to the podcast this year, and indeed for the last ten years. We love doing it, and we are so grateful for your support. Reviews and shares are always appreciated, but most of all, thank you for listening. *WE ARE ON TOUR!* Come and see our live comedy show in 2023! We are on our way to Barking, Chipping Norton, Tewkesbur

Christmas eating is great, but Christmas cooking can be stressful. Joining us with her top tips for creating calm in the kitchen is Sarah Rossi, aka @TamingTwins! She shares easy make-ahead recipes for starters and desserts, and a great idea for what to feed picky eaters on the big day. We talk about how we should all be getting into dump bags, which are nicer than they sound. Ellie reveals how Sarah's 15 minute Baileys cheesecake saved her Christmas last year, along with her theory that organised people are secretly the laziest bastards of all. Helen learns what a Snowball is, and her mind is blown. You can find Sarah's recipes for easy roast potatoes and slow cooker chocolate orange pudding on her blog, along with loads of other fantastic Christmas recipes. Her books, What's for Dinner? and What's for Dinner in One Pot? are out now, and they're bloody brilliant. Many thanks and an extra roast potato to W

Is there a way to argue constructively? What is the best way to help someone in crisis? Should we aim for happiness, or be content with contentment? Answering all these questions is the amazing psychotherapist, author, agony aunt and artist, Philippa Perry! She tells us all about her brilliant new book, The Book You Want Everyone You Love to Read. We learn about the various styles of arguing, and discuss what our spice racks say about our personalities. We also talk about Philippa's work as an advice columnist, and how she deals with difficult topics like suicidal thoughts. For more from Philippa, check out our previous episodes with her - How to Be a Better Parent and Agony Aunt Special. You can follow her on Twitter @philippa_perry.*WE ARE ON TOUR!* Come and see our live comedy show in 2023! We are on our way to Bath, Barnsley, Stroud, Trowbridge, Henley-on-Thames, Barking, Chipping Norton, Tewkesbury, Worcester, Northampton, Sutton Coldfield, Stockport... And new dat

We know it's only November, but we can't help it - we bloody love Christmas! So in our latest podcast episode, we are sharing some of our favourite festive confessions from previous shows - along with some personal stories of Christmas chaos. We discuss our favourite things about Xmas, the worst gifts we've ever received, and what we're planning to wear on the big day. Ellie comes clean about her Elf on the Shelf spreadsheet, and shares her top tips for quick and easy elf pranks for lazy people. Plus we answer big, important questions like whether cranberry sauce is acceptable in the Boxing Day sandwich. Big thanks to White Stuff for teaming up with us for this episode, and for our amazing Christmas competition! You could win a gig from us at your Christmas party, or more excitingly, some vouchers to spend on their fabulous clothes. Just send us YOUR festive confessions - either DM us on Instagram, or email info@scummymummies.com. Make sure you get them in by 22 November. Terms and co

267: From Morrisons to Drag Race with Ella VadayOur guest for this episode is Nick Collier, aka drag superstar Ella Vaday! He tells us how he went from working in Morrisons to wowing us with his Nigella impression on season three of RuPaul's Drag Race UK. We hear about his time performing in the West End, and why he was banned from selling perfume in Harrods. We find out how scripted Drag Race really is, and how Nick feels about the way he was represented in the edit.Then there's some general drag chat - just how bitchy is it backstage? What's Nick's view on the transition of drag into mainstream culture? And what's really behind the complaints about drag queen storytime? We end with Scummy Mummy Confessions, and a cautionary tale about why you should never work with wigs and dogs. For more from the fantastic Nick/Ella, follow @ellavaday on Instagram. **WE ARE ON TOUR!** Come and see our live comedy show in 2023! We are on our way to Cambridge, Banbury, Poole,

Our guest for this episode is the amazing Shareefa J - model, diversity activist, fitness champion, and all round bloody brilliant woman. She tells us what it's like to watch a photographer lighten your skin tone, and to be told you're too fat when you're a size 10. We discuss how far the modelling industry still has to go when it comes to encouraging inclusivity and stamping out racism. We get a bit personal as Shareefa and Helen discuss their experiences of being cheated on. If you're the victim of multiple infidelities, is it helpful or hurtful to know how many other people are involved? And how has Shareefa's experience changed how she feels about monogamy? Then of course it's time to lighten the mood with the Scummy Mummy Confessions. Tune in to find out which one of us once shat on our sister's back.For more from the fantastic Shareefa, follow her on all the things via her linktree. **WE ARE ON TOUR!** Come and see our live comedy show in 2023! We are on our way to Middlesb

What should you say to a friend who has cancer? If you're the one with the diagnosis, how do you tell your kids? And is it really possible to futureproof your body against illness? Answering all these questions is the brilliant Rosamund Dean. She tells us about her journey from finding a lump in her boob to being cancer free, and what she wishes she'd known at the beginning. We discuss clipboard people versus duvet people, and whether early menopause is more like pick'n'mix or a Glastonbury toilet. Rosamund explains how having cancer has affected her perspective, and reveals the biggest change she's made to her lifestyle. Yes, it's a serious subject, but we still manage to have some laughs along the way. And of course we finish with some Scummy Mummy Confessions - this time involving Baileys, sweat, glitter, and lying to children. Rosamund's book is a great read whether you have cancer, you're supporting someone through treatment, or you're interested in looking after your health. Reconstr

Our guest for this episode is the awesome Ayo Akinwolere - Blue Peter presenter, documentary maker, fitness champion, and all-round bloody good bloke. He tells us how he went from not being able to swim to crossing the deepest trench of the ocean in just ten weeks. We talk about the cultural divide that separates swimmers and non-swimmers in Britain, and how Ayo is trying to change things. Will he turn Ellie into an open water wanker?There's some serious chat about Ayo's experience of moving to the UK from Nigeria as a child, and the racism his family faced. We discuss the British class system, and whether meritocracy is a myth. Then it's back to the usual old nonsense as we share confessions involving a language barrier, an email sent to the wrong person, and a child licking a cake. You can follow Ayo and his adventures on Instagram - @ayoakinwolere.**WE ARE ON TOUR!** Come and see our live comedy show in 2023! We are on our way to Southampton, Leamington Spa, Corby, Harrogate, Middlesbor

Do we all need therapy? How do you talk to a partner about sharing the mental load? And what's the first thing you need to do if you feel you're approaching burnout? Answering tricky questions like these is the awesome psychotherapist Karen Hartley! Along with her brilliant wisdom, she shares some practical tips for things like coping with anxiety. We discuss whether there's a generational divide when it comes to therapy and mental health, and how to help teenagers cope with their feelings. Helen talks about the advice she gives to people who are starting the divorce process, and Ellie reveals the most annoying thing her husband and comedy partner have in common. Plus: we discuss when and where we're happiest, the downside of to do lists, and whether Karen ever gets bored listening to people bang on about their feelings. You can find out more about Karen and the workshops she runs over at karenhartley.co.uk. Follow her on Instagram @karen_hartley_.**WE ARE ON TOUR!** Come an

What's the best way to avoid family days out turning into disasters? How do you stop kids asking for snacks all day? And what do mums have in common with combine harvesters? Helping us to survive the last few weeks of the summer holidays is Susie Lodge!She tells us all about the website she founded, wikiplacesforkids.com, which is an excellent resource for anyone looking for ways to entertain the kids. We get some great tips for pleasing children with different ages and interests, saving money at the cinema, and generally making outings more bearable. We discuss the virtues of the pack mentality versus the divide and conquer strategy, and share war stories of our worst days out ever. And Susie tells us about her brilliant network for mums in business, wikimama. The game Ellie bangs on about is called Heads Up! and it's free to download via the Apple and Google Play stores. **WE ARE ON TOUR!** Come and see our live comedy show in 2023! We are on our way to Sout

TRIGGER WARNING: This episode contains two of Ellie's Dad's jokes. He joins us to share some tall tales about a magical dog, the funeral of King George VI, and the time he was at a party with Elton John (or not.)We discuss the tall tales (lies) our parents told us, and come clean about the myths, legends, and big fat whoppers we've told our own children. (NB: There's a bit of Santa chat you might not want to listen to with little ones around.) And we share some brilliantly hilarious tall tale confessions from listeners.This is a special episode of the podcast, because we’ve partnered with Audible to celebrate the release of their brand new original audiobook, The World According to Grandpa.The World According to Grandpa is available to listen to now, only on Audible and you can even sign up to a 30 day free trial to listen now. Subscription required. See Audible.co.uk for terms.**WE ARE ON TOUR!** Come and see our live comedy show in 2023! We are on our way to Southampton, Leamington Spa, Corby, Harrogate, Mi

It's hard to believe it's been a whole decade since we sat down on Ellie's sofa to record the first episode of the Scummy Mummies Podcast. But here we are, having survived premature childbirth, a shitty divorce and a global pandemic, still on the sofa, and better friends than ever. In this special anniversary episode, we reminisce about the good old days, and reflect on whether we should be grateful for the bad times too. We tackle some tricky questions - how bad do the catsuits REALLY smell? What's better to make with lemons than lemonade? And how much longer do we actually think we can get away with this bullshit? Tune in to find out. We play two games - an old favourite returns, and Helen introduces Guess the Guest, which makes Ellie get something in her eye. We finish with Scummy Mummy Confessions, for the 261st time. We have TWO fabulous sponsors for this special podcast! Thank you to Their Nibs and HotSquash - two London based fashion brands we LOVE. "Their Nibs" creates gorgeous pyj

What's hardest part of parenting - the baby bit, toddler tantrums, or teenage rage? What's it like to live with your dad at the age of 40? And what's the best way to cope with an emergency nipple hair situation? Helping us answer all this questions is the hilarious Esther Manito! She tells us all about her experience of starting comedy after having two kids. We discuss sharing domestic chores and balancing out the mental load, and generally have a good old moan. Esther discusses living with her dad, and the influence her Lebanese heritage has had on her own parenting. We round off with some tip top confessions involving theme park rides and hairy nipples, and describe our breasts for the listener. Esther's tour of her new show, Hell Hath No Fury, kicks off at the Soho Theatre on 17 August. Then she's off to Southend, Birmingham, Bristol, Oxford, Newcastle, Brighton, Edinburgh, Glasgow... Follow her on instagram @esthermanito or visit esthermanito.co.uk for dates and tic

How do fighter pilots get their callsigns? What's it like to risk your life every time you go to work? And why should you never eat out-of-date fudge? Answering all these questions is the amazing Mandy Hickson! She tells us how she became one of the UK's first female fighter pilots, despite the best efforts of the Bloody Patriarchy. We talk about her 17 years in the RAF, her time in Iraq, and why she thinks motherhood is much harder than flying planes. Then Mandy discusses her new career as a motivational speaker, and the number one nugget of wisdom she likes to pass on. We round off with some excellent Scummy Mummy Confessions involving an obscene tattoo, a fart in a lift, and a poo in a bush. Sorry, Leeds. Mandy's brilliant book, An Officer, Not a Gentleman, is out now. For more from marvellous Mandy go to mandyhickson.com.**WE ARE ON TOUR!** Come and see our live comedy show in 2023! We are on our way to Horsham, Southampton, Tunbridge Wells,

What's the best way to deal with an angry child? Why should we be saying "thank you" to our kids instead of "please"? And how do you get them to put their bloody shoes away? Answering all these questions is the awesome Marie Gentles! Marie has loads of practical parenting tips, from managing screen use to carving out quality time - and what to do if your children don't want to spend it with you. She tells us why it's not always a good idea to ask kids what's wrong, and where to start with a child who doesn't want to hear what adults have to say. We hear about Marie's time working in schools and pupil referral units with kids who are upset, unresponsive, and even violent. She reveals how her own experience of emotional abuse motivated her to do the work she does today, and why she developed her "No blame, no shame" philosophy. And of course, we finish with some Scummy Mummy Confessions - this time involving socks, shouting, and bannisters. Marie's marvellous book,&n

257: TV's Dr Zoe Williams on teenage girls, healthy farts and being a Gladiator!Our guest for the episode is the fabulous Dr Zoe Williams off of the This Morning and Gladiators. She tells us about how she became a doctor via an epiphany in Ayia Napa, what it's like to be an actual Gladiator, why it's important to get your teens into sports, and she attempts to solve Helen's farting problems.Then we have some brilliant chat about Dr Zoe's new book You Grow Girl: The Complete No Worries Guide to Growing Up. Dr Zoe gives us some tips about how to talk openly to your daughters and sons about their bodies, how to have an effective argument, and the impact of social media. The book is aimed at girls aged 9 - 15, but we will be reading it to our sons, too! It is a brilliantly honest and approachable guide to all the big questions and issues young people face.We finish the episode with some sophisticated confessions involving too much lube, too many balls and why "vulva" was our strangest heckle at a recent gig. We f

Our guest for this episode is the awesome Kate Ferdinand! She tells us about her experience of becoming a stepmum to three kids at the age of 26, and shares what she wishes she'd known at the start of her parenting journey. Kate is brilliantly honest about how she really feels about pregnancy, and the expectations around forming a blended family versus the reality. We discuss some hot topics like when you should introduce a new partner to your kids, whether you should kiss in front of them, and how to deal with discipline. Kate reveals the one thing that's been key for her family, and we hear some wise words from a kid who's been through it themselves. To finish up, Kate shares a superb Scummy Mummy Confession. Helen tells us about the time her vagina turned into a trumpet, and Kate's response leaves our jaws on the floor. Kate's new book, How to Build a Family, is packed with more fantastic advice, and it's out now. Do also check out her lovely children's book, The Family Tree, and y

What's the best food to make for date night? How long should you really cook a fish finger for? And is grapefruit ever acceptable? Answering all these questions is the brilliant Sarah Rossi, aka @tamingtwins! We talk about her fab new book, What's for Dinner?, and how she saved Ellie's Christmas. We share our filthy food secrets including our laziest comfort recipes, and our favourite kitchen gadgets. Ellie has a confession to share about a romantic gesture she made for Pete, and Helen reveals what she likes to do with a pyrex bowl and a cheese slice. There's also some personal chat as Sarah tells us how she went from food blog to cookery book. We talk about how going through IVF affected her parenting in the early years, and she shares the one thing you should never say to a new mum who's having a tough time. The awesome What's for Dinner? is one of the best cookery books we've ever read, and it's out now. The sequel, What's for Dinner in One Pot?, will be re

In this episode we're joined by Nicki Bamford-Bowes, aka @andthentheywentwild, and Wayne Perrey, the TV carpenter! They're here with loads of tips for improving your interiors, whatever your budget. Nicki tells us the number one thing you should do before you start any design or diy project, and Wayne has a great idea for giving kids their own space in a shared room. We talk about whether interior design skills can be learned, and dealing with clients who have their own ideas about what looks good. Nicki has some suggestions for how to let teens express themselves without messing up your whole house, and we reveal what our own teenage bedrooms were like. Ellie launches a furious attack on Wayne for reasons that involve the monarchy, flowers, and Alan Titchmarsh. And we finish with some excellent Scummy Mummy Confessions! You can follow Nicki on Instagram @andthentheywentwild. For more from Wayne, including details of his awesome new House Proud members group, visit thetvcarp

This month marks TEN YEARS together as the Scummy Mummies! So we decided to celebrate in the traditional way - by walking to the foot of Everest to break the world record for the highest ever stand-up comedy gig! Listen in to find out how it all went, and why we decided to go on this nonsensical adventure in the first place. We discuss the joy of hot water bottles, the misery of sleeping in -25 conditions, and the consistency of Helen's farts. We explain what it's really like to spend a fortnight trekking to the world's highest mountain and back, and share our top tips for anyone thinking of giving it a go. You can still sponsor us if you like, via GoFundMe - all donations go direct to the awesome Borne charity, who do lifesaving research into premature birth. Huge thanks to everyone who has given money so far, it means such a lot. Come and see our live show in 2023! We are on our way to Milton Keynes, Winchester, Newcastle, Lichfield, Rotherham, Twickenham, Leeds, Birmingham, Cr