Scummy Mummies - Podcast

**ADULTS ONLY!** This episode features swears! Including the worst one! How is childbirth different the second time around? What's the best way to introduce your older child to the new baby? Why would anyone knit stuff out of a placenta? We answer all these questions and more as we're joined by Clemmie Hooper, midwife, mum and blogger. She gives us some great tips for labour and beyond and manages to be very non-judgemental about the placenta knitting thing.  Unlike Ellie, of course, who is nearly physically sick. Meanwhile, Helen presents her brand new game - Hooray for Fannywood. It's as sophisticated and highbrow as it sounds. Two things to note: 1. This episode is RUDE, with lots of unbleeped swears. Including the c-word. So maybe don't listen to it in the car on the school run... 2. This episode was recorded before Ellie gave birth to her lovely new baby, Joe. As you'll know if you listened to the last podcast, he was two months early. He is doing great and will hopefully be home soon! Clemmie's blog is

In this episode, Ellie discusses the surprise early arrival of her new baby, Joe. He's still in hospital but doing great. (And even better since this show was recorded - we're expecting him home within a few weeks.) Then there's some chat about the highlights of our Scummy year, including best and worst gigs. We round off with some Confessions, and get just a little bit emotional. Thank you so much to everyone who's listened to the podcast and been to our shows this year. The plan is to keep going in 2015, so please keep downloading, sharing, tweeting and leaving us iTunes reviews. Thank you!   We are so grateful for your support and we'd love to hear from you. If you have a scummy story you'd like to share, a topic you'd like us to cover, a guest you think we should feature or just some general feedback, please let us know! We're on Twitter - @scummymummies and on Facebook. You can email scummymummiespodcast@gmail.com or leave a message via scummymummies.com. Lots of love to all our dear listeners. We hope y

Merry Christmas! It's the Scummy Mummies Podcast, with bells on (LITERALLY, thanks to amazing technical wizard Rob Sedgebeer, who made the theme tune all festive for us. Thanks Rob!) This episode was recorded two days before Ellie went into early labour, which is why she still talks about being pregnant in it! Her little boy, Joe, is doing great. Expect a new baby special next year.  We're joined by podcast favourites Nurse Jessie and Steve Hill, the latter being having been dragged away from a Christmas lunch. As such there's even more swearing in this episode and we couldn't be bothered to bleep it, so this isn't one to listen to with the kids around... We talk Christmas presents, ham, round robins and farting. Plus, Steve tells us his Joe Mangle story, and Helen has an interesting suggestion for what to do with a family tub of yoghurt. We also test mince pies and play a festive game. We're on Twitter - @scummymummies - and on the Facebook. Do email your confessions to scummymummiespodcast@gmail.com, and vi

What's the best advice for new dads? Who will win X-Factor? What kind of toilet paper does Nigella use? We attempt to answer all these questions and more in this episode of The Scummy Mummies Podcast.  Our guest is Stuart Heritage, who live blogs The X-Factor for The Guardian and co-hosts his own podcast, Luv and Hat. He tells us how he feels about becoming a dad and why he may name his child after Noel Edmonds. Then there's some daft chat about X-Factor as we reveal our favourite contestants of all time and predict this year's winner. It's Ellie's turn to talk about the state of her sex life, and of course there's a stupid quiz. Stu's Luv and Hat podcast is FREE to download via Audible and you can follow it on Twitter. We're on Twitter too - @scummymummies - and on the Facebook. Do email your confessions to scummymummiespodcast@gmail.com, and visit scummymummies.com to find previous episodes. EXCITING SHOW NEWS: due to popular demand, we have added an EXTRA DATE for our Christmas show! You can come and see u

This episode covers a wide range of topics, from Roald Dahl and chocolate to Catford and Helen's sex life. Our special guest is Guardian columnist Lucy Mangan, who tells us what her husband really thinks about being called Toryboy. We play a stupid quiz and Helen tells her most uninspiring celebrity anecdote to date. Lucy tells us all about her new book, Inside Charlie's Chocolate Factory, and discuss our favourite Wonka. You can follow Lucy on Twitter - @lucymangan. We're @scummymummies, and on the Facebook. Do email your confessions to scummymummiespodcast@gmail.com, and visit scummymummies.com to find previous episodes. If you'd like to see us live, come to one of our stage shows! They're every month at The Hob in Forest Hill, south-east London. Tickets are a fiver from We Got Tickets. Our November show is sold out, but we're also performing on 17 December. Get your tickets now! Thanks for listening!   See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

What are the best apps for entertaining kids? How much screen time is too much? Which exciting gadgets are coming soon? When do we get hoverboards? All these questions and more are answered in this TECH SPECIAL! Our guest is Jemima Kiss, head of technology at The Guardian. She tells us about her favourite gizmos and how she manages tech time in her house. Ellie presents her brand new Retro Audio Quiz and we even have a proper jingle. Most excitingly of all, the Scummy Mummies are coming to you from INSIDE THE GUARDIAN! Specifically, The Guardian's podcast studio, which they let us use to record this episode. So for once, we almost sound professional! Almost. You can follow Jemima on Twitter - @jemimakiss. We're @scummymummies, and on the Facebook. Do email your confessions to scummymummiespodcast@gmail.com, and visit scummymummies.com to find previous episodes. If you'd like to see us live, come to one of our stage shows! They're every month at The Hob in Forest Hill, south-east London. Tickets are a fiver

This episode features Dawn Isaac, award-winning gardener, author and perhaps most excitingly, FRIEND OF MR BLOOM. It's like Scummy Gardener's Question Time as we find out how to get rid of weeds and what to plant if you're lazy. Dawn chats about her book, 101 Things for Kids to do Outside, and we learn an interesting fact about bunting. No, really. Then Dawn tells us about her experience of working on one of CBeebies' most popular shows, Mr Bloom's Nursery. We find out what the man himself is really like, and Helen's voice goes all wibbly. But she recovers enough to present our brand new section, A Walk in the Lady Garden, before we round off with some Scummy Mummy Confessions. This time there's a PRIZE for the best one! Dawn's book, 101 Things for Kids to do Outside, is out now. You can find her blog at littlegreenfingers.com. We're on Facebook and Twitter - @scummymummies. Do email your confessions to scummymummiespodcast@gmail.com, and visit scummymummies.com to find previous episodes. If you'd like to see

Episode 30: Comedy Special with Kerry Godliman The Scummy Mummies are 30! In their dreams. Joining us to celebrate our 30th episode is a very special guest - comedian Kerry Godliman, off the telly. Kerry stars in the Ricky Gervais sitcom Derek. She has also appeared in Michael McIntyre's Roadshow, Miranda and most recently on Kevin Bridges: Live at the Referendum. We talk about comedy, fame and what it's like to go on Just A Minute. Kerry discusses her love of camping and why she wishes they served wine at soft play centres. There's some chat about the joy of making lists, and Ellie talks about the time she nearly married Richard Branson's son. We round off with a debate about hospital versus home births, because that's always such a light topic, and of course Scummy Mummy Confessions. And finally, Helen embarrasses herself in front of our guest with a comedy song to end all comedy songs. Hopefully. It's a very exciting week for the Scummy Mummies as we're also launching our LIVE monthly comedy night at The H

We celebrate all things paternal on this episode with the help of stand-up comedian Kent Valentine, plus a special cameo by Ellie's dad. Kent reveals his strategies for coping with three children under the age of five. There's a chat about meditation, and Helen reveals some strong opinions about Russell Brand. Then it's time for a new section, the pretty self-explanatory Dad Jokes, followed by the return of an old favourite with a new twist - it's Manbag Surprise! And of course we round off with some Scummy Mummy Confessions. Kent probably won't be letting his children listen to this bit. **NEWSFLASH** We're shortly launching a new monthly show at The Hob in Forest Hill! Come and see us live on Wednesday 24 September, then 29 October, 26 November and 17 December. Every show will be different, with brand new songs, sketches and silliness. And each one will feature brilliant stand-up from top comedians who have been on telly and everything. Tickets are just a fiver from We Got Tickets. Our London shows often se

The Scummy Mummies podcast reaches new lows this episode as we insult our guest's children, spend ages talking about poo and debate whether it's OK to show your husband your "bum grapes".   Joining us on the DFS sofa is Tracey Davies, travel writer and mum of three. She gives us her top tips for getting cheap holiday deals, which include having identical twins so you can defraud Premier Inn.  Helen reveals the part she played in solving The Troubles, while Ellie bangs on about Mexican jungle fires, Muhammad Ali and Center Parcs. Do tune in! And if you'd like to see the Scummy Mummies LIVE, we're doing the Camden Fringe - Sat 23 and Sun 24 August at the Hen and Chickens, Islington. The show starts at 3pm and costs £7. Tickets are on sale now via the Fringe website.   Feel free to follow us on Twitter, like us on

It's our birthday! And we have a very special guest joining us to celebrate. One year ago, on the first ever episode of The Scummy Mummies Podcast, we reviewed Viv Groskop's brilliant book I Laughed, I Cried. Now we get to chat with Viv herself, live from the Latitude festival. We talk about what it's like to do a hundred stand-up gigs in a hundred days and find out what Viv's been up to since then. We get some great recommendations for summer reading and answer the age-old question of whether they have badgers in Australia. Plus there is a surprise cameo by another special guest.   Many thanks to the lovely people from the New Statesman who let us record in their backstage area. Sorry the sound quality's not so great - it's festival ambience,  innit. If you'd like to see the Scummy Mummies LIVE, we'll be at Camp Bestival this Friday 1 August, performing in the Guardian Literary...  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This episode covers everything from lesbianism to Leerdammer. Our special guest is Kerry Leigh, comedian, poet and cheese impressionist. She tells us all about her rainbow family and how she got her start in stand-up. Helen gets confused about the correct way to pronounce "labia", and Ellie tries her hand at misogyny.   Plus we have not one but TWO cheese-themed games. Do feel free to play along at home! Send your own cheese impressions and Scummy Mummy Confessions to scummymummiespodcast@gmail.com. Or you can find us on Facebook and Twitter. If you like the podcast, please tell your friends! We're performing LIVE at Camp Bestival on Friday 1 August, and at the Camden Fringe on Sat 23 and Sun 23 August. Tickets are available from the Fringe website.  Handy links: Kerry Leigh Laughing Cows Women in Comedy Festival Follow Kerry on Twitter  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Dancing, shouting, mud baths, raw sewage - in many ways, music festivals are just large-scale children's parties. So we're celebrating the start of the season with DJ Amanda Gettrup, who'll be appearing at Camp Bestival next month. Ellie explains why she thinks all festivals are rubbish actually, and Helen looks forward to attending three with her this summer.  We address important topical questions like how relevant Five Star are today and whether happiness really is the truth. Plus, we find out our DJ names and take part in what must be the first ever rap battle to feature the word "taramasalata". It may be the worst thing we have ever done. Thanks for listening! And if you'd like to see the Scummy Mummies LIVE, come on down to the Caversham Festival near Reading. We'll be performing there on Sunday 13th July. It's FREE!   Or you can see us at Camp Bestival, along with Amanda. And finally there's our Camden Fringe show - Sat 23 and Sun 24 August at the Hen and Chickens, 3pm. Get your tickets now! Amanda's o

WARNING: This episode is for adults only. That's probably true of all of them, to be honest, but definitely don't listen to this while in the vicinity of small children, unless you fancy an afternoon trying to explain what lube is. We're having a full and frank discussion about sex. Joining us to offer expert advice is fanny physio Sarah Lorentzen, otherwise known as the Derren Brown of Vajayjays. She gives us her top tips for keeping your downstairs in shape and having sex after childbirth. Plus she suggests an alternative use for those food bag clips they sell in Ikea.  The rest of the episode is so filthy it cannot be summarised here. We haven't even bleeped out the swears. Let's just say the range of topics covered includes pilates, pelvic floors and Penelope Keith. Thank you for listening! And sorry. If you'd like to see the Scummy Mummies LIVE, we're appearing at various festivals this summer, including the Camden Fringe on 23 and 24 August. Full details are on ScummyMummies.com. We'd love your feedback

Stay-at-home dad Steve Hill returns as our "special" guest this episode. With father's day coming up we talk about what it means to be a dad, but of course it's not long before the whole thing descends into nonsense. Helen and Ellie present Steve with a selection of high quality father's day gifts (total retail value £3.39.) There's some top chat about the price of Lynx, the World Cup and a real-life encounter with Mr. T. Helen explains her sexual preferences using a convoluted metaphor involving picnics and monster trucks, and we round off with Scummy Mummy Confessions. Keep listening right to the end for an exciting announcement about our stage show. Thanks for listening! We'd love to hear from you - do get in touch via Twitter, Facebook, scummymummies.com or email scummymummiespodcast@gmail.com. The card featured in our blog pic is available from Etsy.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The guests on this episode are the ladies behind fab new kids' lolly range Claudi & Fin. Lucy Woodhouse and Meriel Durand discuss the challenges of starting a business while raising small children. Listen in to find out how they juggle meeting the head of Sainsbury's with picking poo off the stairs. Ellie pitches her own brilliant business idea, while Helen insists we play another musical game. And one of our most popular items gets a spin-off in the form of the hugely exciting and disgusting Freezer Surprise. The cold never bothered us anyway.  Claudi & Fin lollies are made from Greek-style yoghurt and fruit, with added vitamin D. They contain nothing artificial yet they taste very nice. Find out more via ClaudiAndFin.co.uk. There is still one more chance to see the Scummy Mummies LIVE at the Brighton Fringe! We're performing on bank holiday Monday 26 May at 1pm, at Upstairs at Three and Ten. Tickets are available via the Brighton Fringe website. Thank you for listening!   See acast.com/pri

On this episode we're joined by Peter Mattessi, scriptwriter for Neighbours and Eastenders. He tells us what goes on behind the scenes, reveals the storyline they won't let him write and explains how soaps have been forced to adapt to viewers' changing attitudes towards bums. Peter also chats about his 15 month-old son, Artie, and his experiences of going through IVF. There's a lot of talk about cubicles and specialist magazines, basically.   Helen introduces her brand new game - Awight Guvnor, Put Another Shrimp on the Barbie. Yes, it's just another excuse for her to attempt some funny foreign accents. And we finish up with some spectacular Scummy Mummy Confessions. Thanks for listening! And if you'd like to see the Scummy Mummies live, there are still some tickets left for our Brighton Fringe show. It's at Upstairs at Three and Ten on Sat 10, Sun 11 and Bank Hol Mon 26 May, at 1pm. Tickets are £8.50 / £7 from the Brighton Fringe website.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

There's some Serious Chat in this episode, as podcast favourite Nurse Jessie returns to talk about the tricky topic of discipline. Does smacking work? Is a bribe better than a threat? Plus Jessie reveals her top tip for swift potty training. (Spoiler: it's not something they teach at nurse school.) We have two stupid new games - Revenge is Sweets, where Ellie gets to punish Jessie for perceived childhood misdemeanours, and Madonna or Mandela?, where Ellie gets to punish Jessie for not being good at a ridiculous quiz. To round everything off we have a Scummy Confessions SPECIAL. We read out some of the best (i.e. most revolting) revelations from audience members at our recent London stage show. If you'd like to come and see us at the Brighton Fringe, we're performing at Upstairs at Three and Ten. The show is on Sat 10, Sun 11 and bank holiday Mon 26 May, all at 1pm. Tickets are £8.50 / £7 from the Brighton Fringe website.   See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Nutritionist and dietitian Jo Travers is our guest on this episode. She covers everything from weaning and getting toddlers to eat vegetables to grown-up subjects, such as: how much wine is too much wine? (Spoiler: less than the amount that was consumed during the recording of this podcast.) We find out why Sainsbury's fish fingers are better than Jamie's, and whether sugar really is going to be the death of us all. Plus we play a brand new game, Did They Really Eat That? (Maybe don't listen to that bit while you're having your tea.) And to round it all off, we have some special food-themed Scummy Mummy Confessions. (As above.) You can find out more about Jo and her work via her website, The London Nutritionist. The Scummy Mummies live show is coming to the Brighton Fringe! We'll be performing on Sat 10, Sun 11 and Bank Hol Mon 26 May at 1pm, at Upstairs at the Three and Ten. Tickets are £8.50 / £7 concessions and are available now from the Brighton Fringe website.   See acast.com/privacy for privac

Comedian, mum and Katy Perry impersonator extraordinaire Abigail Burdess is our guest on this episode. She discusses the challenges of balancing parenthood with being hilarious and writing a hit musical. There's a bit of chat about feminism and that. Then Helen introduces her fabulous new game, Miley or Kylie? (Yes, it involves a recorder.) And we debut our brand new Handbag Surprise spin-off, How Gross is Your Car? (Is your car, how gross is your car, I really need to know, etc.)   To round it all off, we have some fantastic Scummy Mummy Confessions, including a great one from Abigail. You'll never be able to look Smurfette in the face again.  Tickets are nearly sold out for our London show on Thursday 27 March, but there are still a few left. We also have tickets for the Wednesday 2 April left. Please visit We Got Tickets for more details. To find out more about our lovely guest, visit abigailburdess.co.uk. The brilliant baby sketch we mention is on YouTube, and the Katy Perry impression is best enjoyed via