Rhett Smith Podcast

As I mentioned in my podcast last week (Sabbath Rest and Identity), I have been thinking a lot about the topic of Sabbath over the course of the last year. It seems that it comes up in more and more of my conversations, and it's absence in the lives of many people (especially evident in many of the clients I work with), lead to a lot struggles, conflict, and issues with anxiety and depression. And it's absence in my own life is the source (I believe) for much of the anxiety that I have struggled with.   For a period of time (I actually blogged about Sabbath about 5 and half years ago, and here almost 6 years ago). So in reality, I guess I have been thinking about this topic for a long time...but maybe I'm just now starting to take it seriously.   This seriousness began last year when I read Walter Brueggemann's powerful book, Sabbath as Resistance: Saying No to the Culture of Now.   Last week I focused more on how identity relates to Sabbath rest, and though I will talk about that again in this podcast, I foc

I have been thinking a lot about the topic of Sabbath over the course of the last year. It seems that it comes up in more and more of my conversations, and it's absence in the lives of many people (especially evident in many of the clients I work with), lead to a lot struggles, conflict, and issues with anxiety and depression. And it's absence in my own life is the source (I believe) for much of the anxiety that I have struggled with.   For a period of time (I actually blogged about Sabbath about 5 and half years ago, and here almost 6 years ago). So in reality, I guess I have been thinking about this topic for a long time...but maybe I'm just now starting to take it seriously.   This seriousness began last year when I read Walter Brueggemann's powerful book, Sabbath as Resistance: Saying No to the Culture of Now. In the book, Brueggemann writes: "In our own contemporary context of the rat race of anxiety, the celebration of Sabbath is an act of both resistance and alternative. It is resistance because it is

Over the course of the last 3 years I have really been experimenting with my diet. That is to day, I have been adding and subtracting certain foods that I consume, and then I pay attention to see what the results yield. And it's because of this experimentation that I have really been arriving at a place where I have noticed just how drastically the right food can improve my overall healthy, fitness and relationships.   I once heard someone say that change begins with what's on your plate. And without going into other ideas I have about that (especially theologically), I agree that as humans, what we put into our body affects so much of who we are and the experiences we have.   This started several years ago when I decided to just give skim milk up on a whim and switch over to almond milk. I haven't looked back as I noticed immediate changes in how I felt. It soon followed with giving up cheese, and then dairy. And then I started giving up more and more meat, and adding more and more vegetables. Somewhere alon

Running is not new to this blog or podcast. In fact, I've done episodes on various aspects of running before (listen to Episode 20, Episode 25, and Episode 32.)   But a couple of things have changed since I last talked about running on the podcast. First, I am just about to complete my certification as a Level I Running Coach through the RRCA. I've been wanting to do this for a while and was so excited to take the course. I had a great time with the cohort. Second, one of the main reasons I wanted to get certified was so that I could bring that knowledge to some therapy running groups I am working on starting. Even though I have been running through years and feel that I can be helpful to runners when building a program...I really wanted the information and knowledge to do it in a way that just wasn't relying on my experience since every runner is different.   So, in this episode: I talk briefly about my coaching certification process. I share my desire to start therapy running groups in my practice. And I r

I've been thinking a lot recently about the struggle we have of living in the tension of things not coming to fruition as quickly as we would like. We live in a fast-paced culture that expects everything on demand...and quickly. But where the tension comes in is that the life of faith is not a life that can be obtained on demand, or often very quickly. God doesn't seem to concerned about doing things quickly, or on my time frame. God seems to work at a different pace than me...and that can create a lot of anxiety and impatience.   We may want things done in a day, but God has shown that sometimes the journey make take 40 years. Time and time again I'm struck by the fact that the journey for the Israelites from captivity in Egypt into the Promised Land was a essentially a 13 day journey...but it took 40 years. Often people will quote Jeremiah 29:11-12 to me (which is a wonderful passage), but I have to bring to attention that verse 10 reminds them they will spend 70 years in captivity first.   So God isn't in

One of the more tricky aspects of working with adolescents is trying to discern at times what is "typical" teenage behavior, and what is depression. I mean most of us can remember back to our own teenage days where we experienced bouts of moodiness, irritability, and wanted to isolate ourselves from others, or at least our parents. And just because we experienced those things that didn't necessarily make us a candidate for a diagnosis of depression.   I wrote about this issue last year for the Fuller Youth Institute in an article called Naming and Navigating Depression in the Lives of Teenagers. That article got a lot of attention, and it's such a big topic, that I'm currently working on another article for the Fuller Youth Institute on depression and adolescents...hence why I decided to do a podcast episode on this topic.   Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank

Over the course of the last 3 months I have really been wrestling with the question of "how good of a listener am I?" I've always thought I was a good listener...I mean, my vocation is essentially to listen to people all day. But I'm sure my clients....and my wife, would tell you that I'm also a pretty active talker. I am pretty open and share a lot with people. But honestly, how well do I listen?   This question all came about when I started reading Adam McHugh's new book, The Listening Life: Embracing Attentiveness in a World of Distraction. Adam's book really challenged me on this question of my listening ability. Because what I realized after reading his book, is that most of us are not that great of listeners. We may think we are, but at the end of the day there are so many ways we can grow in this area. I interviewed Adam on this topic in Episode 51 of this podcast. And after reading the book and talking with him, I really set out to become a better listener...and to continue to really grow in this area

This last weekend I had one of the greatest experiences I have ever had...and that was being able to co-lead a marriage workshop with my wife Heather. Over the last 10 years I have had the opportunity to lead a lot of marriage retreats, conferences, workshops, give talks, etc...but this was the first time I have teamed up with my wife. And I absolutely loved co-leading with her and am looking forward to other opportunities we will have in the future to do this.   It was out of this context though that I gained some more insight into something that I have been thinking about for a few months. And it was only reaffirmed through the many questions that couples had this weekend.   And it is this. I think that for many of us, especially in relationships...when something doesn't work we scramble to find the next thing that will fix our problem. We look for another counselor that is practicing from a different model. We try a new listening technique. We go on vacation to a new place. But all of these things are real

I have told this story countless times in person, on the podcast, and in my blog...so I will try and keep it brief. But about 6 years ago I had an experience that forever changed my life. I had just returned from sitting in on and observing a marriage intensive at The Hideaway Experience in Amarillo, TX (I write about that 4 day intensive here). And what I learned at that intensive changed the way I thought about myself and relationships.   I went home that weekend and tried using the Pain and Peace Cycle that I learned. And when I did, my wife Heather and I had a new experience in navigating conflict successfully, that I knew I had to learn more. I went on staff as a therapist later that fall and spent the next 4 years flying up to Amarillo to co-lead 4 day marriage intensives while all the while using the model in my therapy practice back in Plano...as well as using it in my marriage and any other relational setting I was in. And the more I practiced it, and the more I learned, I knew that this model was th

Fuller Theological Seminary changed my life, so it's probably not a surprise that you see me talking about the seminary so much. Fuller was and is an amazing community of people who provide a safe place for someone to wrestle with the big questions of faith. Fuller challenged me to think about my faith, rather than just tell me how to think. But they also provided the boundaries to work that out in a loving community who loves Jesus Christ. I tell you all of this because I'm continually astounded by the work that they continue to do, the graduates that come out of there, and the professors and administration that guide them. And Fuller Youth Institute is no exception.   Under the direction of Kara Powell, Brad Griffin, and many others, FYI is the premier place that continues to research and provide resources to families on a large number of topics. I am constantly referring clients and colleagues to their website as it's one of the best places at the intersection of youth, families, faith, justice and technol

"How do you get so much stuff done?"   That's one of the questions that I get quite a bit. Sometimes the comment comes from colleagues who wonder how I have a busy practice and still find time to write, blog, podcast, speak, teach, train for a 50 mile run, etc. And sometimes it comes from family members who wonder how I balance out all the things I do in my work, personal and family life. Though it's encouraging to hear those comments and think that I accomplish a lot, the truth is...I always feel like I'm behind. I always feel like I'm not doing enough. And I always feel like I could be less distracted, more disciplined, and productive.   But maybe that's more of my own issues coming up that I will have to work through with my therapist anyways. But the question is posed to me enough times that I have recently begun to reflect more on it. And I started wondering, "How do I get all the things done that others are seeing." And so for the last couple of weeks I have been reflecting on that question and wanted t

I have been looking forward to having this conversation for a long time with my good friend Adam McHugh. Interestingly enough, Adam and I have known each other online for approximately 10 years, but have only met each other one time in person. But talking with Adam is pretty easy (not only because he's a good listener, he is super thoughtful and reflective in his responses), so I enjoyed this sprawling conversation on the topic of Adam's new book, The Listening Life: Embracing Attentiveness in a World of Distraction. Adam's first book, Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture, was a game changer for me, especially in not only helping me better understand myself (I am a borderline E/I in the Myers Briggs), but how important the role of introversion is in our faith communities.   Adam's new book has also been a game changer for me as well. So much so, that I have been referring it relentlessly to clients in my therapy practice, and quoting passages of it as well in session. It's def

Every year as we turn the calendar from one year to the next, people are strategizing what goals they want to achieve for the year ahead. For years I used to make a list of "New Year's Resolutions" for myself, sometimes 30-60 items deep. But what would inevitably happen is that the moment I started falling behind on one of the resolutions, or I missed a day or two of working on them...I would feel down, like a failure, and I would just stop working on them. Some I would still stick with, but since I felt like a failure I would just wait and push those other resolutions off another year. You may even do this yourself.   So in the last couple of years I have been just focusing on one to two goals for the entire year, rather than this long list of resolutions, and that seems to have shifted things for me. Last year I focused on one main goal which was training for and running my first every 50 mile trail run...which I did accomplish with the support of my family and friends.   And what ultimately shifted things

Anxiety is a topic that I love to talk about. I have written extensively about it on this blog and in my book The Anxious Christian. And the reason I write about it so much is two-fold: 1) I know that everyone struggles with anxiety at some point in their life, or throughout their life. It's part of the human condition. 2) My life has really been transformed when I have had the courage to face my anxiety and grow from it. Ultimately, I see anxiety as an opportunity for growth in our lives if we listen and lean into it.   So this week I wanted to record and post five shorter podcast episodes on the topic of anxiety. I have talked at length about anxiety in earlier podcasts here (where I talk about how to identify anxiety in your life and use it as a catalyst for growth) and here: where I talk about specific tools and exercises to help you with your anxiety, but this week I wanted to keep it short as we head into the transition from the year end holidays and the new year where people often experience a lot of a

Anxiety is a topic that I love to talk about. I have written extensively about it on this blog and in my book The Anxious Christian. And the reason I write about it so much is two-fold: 1) I know that everyone struggles with anxiety at some point in their life, or throughout their life. It's part of the human condition. 2) My life has really been transformed when I have had the courage to face my anxiety and grow from it. Ultimately, I see anxiety as an opportunity for growth in our lives if we listen and lean into it.   So this week I wanted to record and post five shorter podcast episodes on the topic of anxiety. I have talked at length about anxiety in earlier podcasts here (where I talk about how to identify anxiety in your life and use it as a catalyst for growth) and here: where I talk about specific tools and exercises to help you with your anxiety, but this week I wanted to keep it short as we head into the transition from the year end holidays and the new year where people often experience a lot of a

Anxiety is a topic that I love to talk about. I have written extensively about it on this blog and in my book The Anxious Christian. And the reason I write about it so much is two-fold: 1) I know that everyone struggles with anxiety at some point in their life, or throughout their life. It's part of the human condition. 2) My life has really been transformed when I have had the courage to face my anxiety and grow from it. Ultimately, I see anxiety as an opportunity for growth in our lives if we listen and lean into it.   So this week I wanted to record and post five shorter podcast episodes on the topic of anxiety. I have talked at length about anxiety in earlier podcasts here (where I talk about how to identify anxiety in your life and use it as a catalyst for growth) and here: where I talk about specific tools and exercises to help you with your anxiety, but this week I wanted to keep it short as we head into the transition from the year end holidays and the new year where people often experience a lot of a

Anxiety is a topic that I love to talk about. I have written extensively about it on this blog and in my book The Anxious Christian. And the reason I write about it so much is two-fold: 1) I know that everyone struggles with anxiety at some point in their life, or throughout their life. It's part of the human condition. 2) My life has really been transformed when I have had the courage to face my anxiety and grow from it. Ultimately, I see anxiety as an opportunity for growth in our lives if we listen and lean into it.   So this week I wanted to record and post five shorter podcast episodes on the topic of anxiety. I have talked at length about anxiety in earlier podcasts here (where I talk about how to identify anxiety in your life and use it as a catalyst for growth) and here: where I talk about specific tools and exercises to help you with your anxiety, but this week I wanted to keep it short as we head into the transition from the year end holidays and the new year where people often experience a lot of a

Anxiety is a topic that I love to talk about. I have written extensively about it on this blog and in my book The Anxious Christian. And the reason I write about it so much is two-fold: 1) I know that everyone struggles with anxiety at some point in their life, or throughout their life. It's part of the human condition. 2) My life has really been transformed when I have had the courage to face my anxiety and grow from it.Ultimately, I see anxiety as an opportunity for growth in our lives if we listen and lean into it.   So this week I wanted to record and post five shorter podcast episodes on the topic of anxiety. I have talked at length about anxiety in earlier podcasts here (where I talk about how to identify anxiety in your life and use it as a catalyst for growth) and here: where I talk about specific tools and exercises to help you with your anxiety, but this week I wanted to keep it short as we head into the transition from the year end holidays and the new year where people often experience a lot of an

As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Plano, Texas, I get the opportunity to work with a lot of families. And in working with a lot of families I get the chance to see the varying parenting styles that different parents use. So in this episode I want to focus on four different parenting styles that I think are the most common (at least in my experience), and to encourage you to think about whether or not you struggle with any of them. The truth is, none of us are perfect parents...it just doesn't exist. But at least we can become more aware of what styles we use that might be destructive, therefore, helping us make efforts to change some of them.   As I mention in the podcast, none of us are perfect parents, and we all struggle with different styles of destructive parenting (whether or not it's listed below). Sometimes we struggle with all of them. The one I struggle with the most is the "helicopter" parenting style -- which almost seems ludicrous when I think about it. How did I, who was raised with

This last week I have spent some time talking to you about the Pain Cycle and Peace Cycle in Terry Hargrave's Restoration Therapy model. I love the Pain and Peace Cycle because it has transformed my life. It's transformed me as an individual, as well as my marriage, my relationships, vocation and more. But how do you practice the Pain and Peace Cycle in your own life? To do so I recommended 4 steps to practice. As you begin to use these steps and work through the cycles you create a safe emotional connection which also fosters a real strong sense of "usness" in the relationship. And it is out of this place that couple's can really solve problems. Without a safe connection, problem solving is difficult, if not impossible in a relationship.   In today's episode I want to tie all four episodes together by talking about the concept of differentiation, and giving some examples from different perspectives of what it looks like. In this episode I share the concept of differentiation from some literary writings of R