2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast

As Lesbians, we feel that it's our birthright to demand...and get...good, hard-rocking Melissa Etheridge songs. We'll do whatever it takes to get Melissa into that angry, depressed place that all those good songs come from. We'll even take the time to slip some lacy g-string underwear laced with perfume into Tammy's car if that's what's required.

A special hand-picked card from the grocery store, $2.95. Gas to drive home early from work, $4.00. A romantic dinner at the pizza place down the street, $16. The sincere look of love and appreciation in my soul-mate's eyes when she unwraps a video game for Valentine's day...priceless. Ad on Craig's List to get a new girlfriend, free.

It's election time in the States. This year, get out and make your vote count (unlike Roxanne's). It gives you the right to go out and bitch about everything you don't like.

The days of using Chapstick as lipstick and hanging around the Rite-Aid counter waiting for someone to help you learn how to apply makeup are over. Roxanne tells all as she explains how she learned to put on makeup and primp like a girl. So, tuck in that t-shirt, put on a belt and find out how to become an instant femme.

When you go out on a little shopping excursion, the last thing you expect to see is a minefield of dog crap throughout the store. It's the quickest way to turn a delightful afternoon into a skid mark hazard with the potential for a deadly slip and fall.

People are dirty, filthy pigs. They go to the bathroom to take a crap, they don't wash their hands, they bake cakes and make food for potlucks, and then they bring it in to work to share with their co-workers. All the while they're busy spreading around infectious diseases and handing out viruses like it's candy.

We take a departure from our normal routine to save the world from from tripping out at work and growing ox balls because you bought the wrong energy drink. We've done all the hard work for you and wound up staying up all night as a result, so that you don't have to waste your hard-earned two dollars and fifty cents on something that looks, tastes and smells like piss.

A little nip here... a little tuck there. With the miracle of modern medicine we'll soon be able to live in a time where you can pick out a picture from a book in a doctor's office and leave with Lindsay Lohan's va-jay-jay as your very own.

With the Hollywood writers stike in full effect, there's no better way to fill up all that dead TV air time than to take a bunch of D-list celebrities, throw them into rehab and point a camera at them. Don't forget the gallon sized Ziploc bags.

After a double dose of PMS, we're back with something we're really good at...advice! If there is one thing that is absolutely certain in this life, it's that we have an opinion about everything. We're also happy to share it...whether you asked for it or not.

Going to the post office is not that complicated. You only have a few different options of things you can do there. You can send a letter, pick up some mail or buy some stamps. You would think that most people probably know what they're going there before they even get to the post office. Yet people still get up to the window and stand there staring at the post office clerk wondering what to do, while the line gets longer and longer and people get angrier and angrier...including the post office workers.

It's almost tax time. That means that you need to start pulling out all your receipts and paperwork, desperately trying to find enough deductions and tax credits so that you don't go bankrupt on April 15. This year, rather than giving all your hard-earned money to the tax man, why not start you own "church" instead?

Red flags dot the hillside, blowing and flapping madly in the wind. Still, we pay no heed and rush right into relationships with all kinds of psychos. If only we had someone to show us the warning signs to look for before we make bad dating choices.... Well, now you do. We've already made all those bad choices and lived to tell about it.

Flirting makes you smarter. Or, at least you'll seem smarter all of a sudden next to the person you're flirting with. After all, there's really not enough room for too many brain cells in that little head that they're doing the thinking with now.

It could just be an ordinary trip to the doctor's office for a checkup, or it could be your ultimate Penthouse Forum fantasy. Either way, don't forget to schedule your annual mammogram this year.

Welcome to a brand new year. As we ring out the old and bring in the new, it's the perfect time to make a whole bunch of New Year's resolutions that you'll never be able to keep. Well...it was a good thought anyway.

As the year 2007 winds down, everyone will have a list of the best movies, the best books, the best music, the best things they ate...and hundreds of other things they liked and diskliked about this year. We'll take you through a much more practical list instead. It's our list of the biggest pet peeves of all time.

It may be hard to believe that Lesbian couples would break up at all, especially since you knew you would marry her and be together forever after the second date...or maybe the third date for the committment phobic. Stranger things have certainly happened, so it's best to be prepared in advance...just in case. You want to be ready if you decide to break into her house to get back all the gifts you ever gave her, or if you just simply want to drain the joint bank account ahead of time.

Straight Men: 1, Lesbians: 0. We just can't help ourselves in doing one more show about Tila Tequila and "Shot at Love" after the season finale. If there's one thing we learned after wasting that much of our lives in front of the TV, it's....ladies, please, no white shoes after Labor Day. No good can come of it.

This year when the boss asks you to complete a self-evaluation for your annual performance review so that they can figure out what you've been doing all year, make sure you let them know that you've been the Employee of the Year. Be sure to rate yourself "excellent" in every category. Who cares if you've been late to work almost every day, you leave early, you don't get anything done on time and you're generally a pain in the ass to everyone in the office. Make sure that that the hour you spend completing your review is worth the hour of your life you'll never get back by wasting your time on this crap.