New Life Live With Steve Arterburn

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jim discusses what deconstruction is and how his newest book, When Your Adult Child Strays: Trading Heartache for Hope, explores this difficult topic in greater depth. How do I love my wife when I feel no attraction or emotional connection to her? I also struggle with respect because we seem very different in intelligence and humor. I was sexually abused by my stepfather. Now when I visit my mom, she turns away when I try to give her a kiss on the cheek, so I told her I shouldn’t see her. Any advice?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Chris confesses he can be very obstinate and prideful when it comes to submission. We have to face that submission is not an option; use resistance as a pathway to what needs to be submitted to God. What do you do when an employee doesn’t submit to their boss because they believe the Lord told them to do something else? We are in our sixties; is it normal for my husband to spend significant time with his friends? I found out about an Ireland trip he planned to take and I waited months for him to tell me, but he didn’t. Any advice for sharing finances in a new marriage? My friend is transitioning from a male to female and has been depressed. Since her hope is in surgery, how do I be a supportive friend?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Becky discusses neuroplasticity and how God designed our brains to change and grow. Our brains form neuropathways, and over time, habits become part of who we are. However, real transformation is possible—you can change the way your brain works through doing things like habit stacking. I wanted to talk to my girlfriend’s son about Christ before he died of cancer, but I didn’t feel like I could because her family asked a pastor to leave the hospital room. Did it help to witness to him after he took his last breath? When the last caller spoke about regretting not sharing his faith, I felt led to say that he is experiencing conviction because he is in a sexual relationship with his girlfriend. I grew up in a dysfunctional environment marked by sexual and physical abuse. My father murdered my sister. Is it a sin not to have a relationship with my mother?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jill talks about what relational confirmation bias is—for example, when we’re always looking for what we fear. When we do that, we create algorithms that help to reinforce it. My husband is a farmer, and I have an outside job. It’s getting to be too much, and I’m finding my family is dysfunctional; what can I do? How do I navigate my 4-year-old daughter’s questions about her daddy? My husband and I are separated, and he’s not allowed to see her right now. Our 23-year-old daughter just broke up with her boyfriend and now wants to go to Australia by herself. I don’t want her to go—how should I respond? What can I do if my 33-year-old son and his wife keep cutting me out of their lives? I have complex PTSD.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Marc explains the difference between change and growth. While we can change external circumstances like jobs or relationships, real transformation happens through internal growth—otherwise the same patterns often remain. How do I handle my estranged 28-year-old son? He’s always had a difficult relationship with my husband and cut off most of the family except me. He eloped last year and has now cut me off as well. I’m concerned about my friend’s safety due to her memory loss. Should I step back and give her space because she isn’t open to suggestions? My husband experienced physical and emotional abuse as a child, and he often becomes angry with me and projects his mother’s traits onto me. What should I do in this situation? My friend’s husband is struggling with infidelity and anger and is considering an inpatient program—what type of treatment program would be most appropriate for him?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Chris discusses having a high-maintenance internal world and how showing up well requires intentional effort rather than entitlement, beginning each day by releasing anxiety to God. How do I establish the right boundaries with my 25-year-old daughter? She’s finishing her master’s degree but takes her frustrations out on me. I feel bad when I block my meth-addicted son, but he goes to detox and then starts using meth again. He recently fell in love with a woman who is also a meth addict. How can I pick the right lady to be with? I keep making the same mistakes over and over. My estranged son wants nothing to do with me because of my political views and Christian beliefs. I wasn’t a Christian when he was a child.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Alice shares that over 77 percent of those who work in the sex industry were sexually abused in the past. If we are consuming pornography, are we participating in the abuse of those we are watching? Our daughter is getting married this weekend and it might be the last chance for full family photos because my husband has cancer. Our two sons will be there, but they have not spoken to each other for four years. How do I show up for my sons? Are grief, betrayal, and trauma intertwined? My sister took a lot of money from me through a will and is manipulative by talking to my neighbor about me and calling my doctor. My wife had an affair and gave me an STD; my doctor told me to divorce, but I don’t want to be by myself. How does a single person, who isn’t sexually active, know if they will have a sex drive when they get married? I get really enraged at my husband, sons, and mom, but the root is that my expectations aren’t met. My husband sexually assaulted me and the police

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Sherri explains what a “traumaberg” is and how trauma is like an iceberg. The iceberg shows our behaviors, but underneath the surface is the trauma that happened in our past. I’ve been struggling with lust and masturbation for the last 6 years, and a man from church has asked me to be his girlfriend. Is it okay for me to start a relationship? I used to struggle with sex addiction and my wife is everything I could ever want, but she has no libido or desire for sex. What should I do? My son has a job and a roommate, but he talks about suicide and doesn’t go out. How do I help him?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jill discusses suffering. Pain is God’s megaphone to get our attention. Are you going to allow your suffering to produce character growth? Are you going to be bitter and beaten down about suffering or use it to get better? My close friend’s daughter committed suicide and my son even expressed thoughts of suicide in the past; how do I help my friend and my kids? I’ve been married almost 50 years and my husband clutters and hoards; any tips on how to deal with this? My 11-year-old son was diagnosed with ADHD and defiance disorder, but he lives with his mom; what do I do with his behavior when he’s with me? I’ve been married for 18 months and pay all the bills; my wife works but keeps her money to herself and spends it on whatever she wants. What can I do?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Becky discusses the big lie that “time heals all wounds” and explains why untreated pain can continue to harm us over time. Can you give me guidance? My 25-year-old daughter has Bipolar Disorder and recently moved back home because she’s been unable to maintain employment. Should I tell my adult son he is giving the appearance of evil? He met a woman 20 years younger who claims to be a minister, and he’s now traveling the country with her children. They sleep in the same camper. I’m in a failed marriage to a malignant narcissist, but I don’t believe in divorce. My oldest son has asked me to watch his children because he can’t afford daycare, but my youngest son and husband don’t want me to. If I don’t, my oldest son will have to quit his job.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jill discusses steps toward radical acceptance. While we often want to avoid sitting with difficult emotions or thinking about painful situations, doing so can be an important path toward achieving radical acceptance and emotional healing. I’ve had one session with a therapist, and she used a subconscious imprinting technique in our work. Have you heard of this approach? How do I talk to my 37-year-old son, who becomes defensive when I discuss his bills? My husband has also tried stepping in by paying his rent at times. What advice do you have for my 57-year-old husband who has ADHD and does not like taking his medications? He says his mind never stops racing. You had a caller on Tuesday whose experience with a man in her small group at church giving unwanted hugs reminded me of how men in my life have also behaved inappropriately.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jim explains that when confronting someone—especially an adult child or a family member—we need to remain the calmest person in the room to have healthy, productive conversations. What can I do about my sister, who has guardianship of a child and two seniors, including my mom, but is excluding them from the rest of the family? Should I move my sister back in with me? She was in a car accident and placed in a residential home, but someone may be trying to scam her out of money. This is my second marriage. My wife recently accused me of having something going on with a former employee after looking her up on social media and saying she was attractive—how should I respond? My counselor and husband don’t want me to have a relationship with my family because I have bipolar disorder and they say my family tears me down. How should I handle seeing my brother after I gave him money to keep him out of jail, but he didn’t use it and kept asking for more?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jacqui reminds us that so many people are living stressful lives because they’re confining themselves to a box that God never intended for them to stay in. Live in the space of freedom that Jesus came to allow for us. I have complex PTSD and I’m an introvert; do I need a coach or counselor as we head into retirement and move to another state? When you give it over to God, how do you make peace last? I am the dad of twin adult daughters, and I feel peace momentarily but then it’s gone. My 36-year-old son is an attorney and is considering suicide; this is his third attempt and I am on my way to see him. What can I do?

Caller Questions & Discussion: JJ discusses that if you are experiencing loneliness and isolation, you should ask yourself: “Am I making the effort to reach beyond my comfort circle?” How do I detach—but still support—my 45-year-old daughter and my 2-year-old grandson who may be on the autism spectrum? My daughter and her husband are demanding support, including asking us to let them stay with my brother or give them my house. There is a man in my small group who keeps trying to hug me, and I am not okay with it. I am the youngest in the group, and he seems to target me. How do I love my 25-year-old daughter who struggles with mental health and has drained us financially? My two adult daughters argue, and it is interfering with our family get-togethers. How involved should I be in their ongoing conflict?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Marc shares five practical ways parents can stay connected and set healthy boundaries with their adult children—even when those children are making unhealthy or destructive choices. I have a family member who has no filter, and I feel constantly disrespected and judged. Should I confront them? My husband’s niece stopped talking to him two years ago and is now critically ill. If he’s already tried reaching out, what else can he do to restore the relationship? Should I say anything about my friend being paid under the table? She’s been doing it for 12 years—what’s the right response?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Alice explains how you can choose today to start divorce-proofing your marriage and shares practical tips to strengthen your relationship. Is it acceptable for me to move forward with a divorced woman who is the mother of my kids? I’m a new Christian, reading through the Bible, and wondering what it says about divorce and remarriage. I was an alcoholic, but now I find myself struggling with food addiction, which feels safer than risking harm to others through a DUI. I’m 53 and my husband is 71. He suffered a traumatic brain injury and has ongoing cognitive issues, but he refuses to seek help. How can I face betrayal from extended family I see every day? I feel mentally absent, yet I want to be present for my kids. My brother is dying due to poor choices, and my family is making me feel guilty for not caring. How should I handle this family grief and guilt?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Alice shares the promise that “God sets the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:6).  If you struggle with loneliness or being a people-pleaser, remember to HALT: don’t get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. I’ve been a pastor’s wife for 32 years, and my gift is hosting events. Some people say I’m too much. How can I clear this hurdle? My extended family does everything together, but they gaslight me and often leave me out. How do I cope? My husband and I have three teens, and he always argues with our middle teen daughter. How do I balance being a supportive wife and mom? I have a 58-year-old son who sent me hurtful texts demanding I repent and go to his church, even though I live far away. My therapist thinks he struggles with mental illness. How should I respond?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jacqui discusses the importance of developing a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset. She shares how she used to say, “I don’t play sports because I’m not good at it,” but now approaches challenges with a growth mindset: “Let’s see what went wrong so I can learn from it and try something different.” Why have I replaced drugs and alcohol with emotional eating? Since getting sober, I’ve gained 70 pounds from turning to food for comfort. I discovered my husband was unfaithful. We’ve been in marriage counseling and tried an in-home separation, but not living apart. How do I begin living separately? In the past five years, I’ve experienced significant losses. Am I convincing myself that something is wrong physically? I’ve noticed memory issues and forgetfulness that concern me.

Caller Questions & Discussion: JJ shares about a critical email he recently received that left him feeling disappointed. Those who struggle with an avoidant attachment style must be careful not to let criticism draw them back into unhealthy patterns. What do I do about all the confusing things I’ve been through? My wife had bipolar disorder, and one day she was cleaning a gun and pointed it at me. I left my marriage, but I’ve also had people pass away and now feel very lonely. My husband has been unfaithful with both males and females; I’ve forgiven him but told him he had to stop or I’d leave. Now I find myself choosing not to care; I feel like my heart has hardened. What do I do? I have a lot of regret that I didn’t get married in 1978 after my girlfriend left. I’ve tried to meet someone and talked to four therapists, but I still haven’t met anyone. Any suggestions? I feel sad and only have a couple of friends left who haven’t died. Is it right for me to use cannabis to manage my PTSD and chronic pain?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Marc shares how, during a counseling session, he suddenly experienced intense pain and had to be rushed to the emergency room. In the same way, real growth in life often comes when we’re willing to face painful or difficult situations head-on. I’m 70 and have been struggling with major depression for months after multiple surgeries. I’m in my third marriage and afraid I might lose it. What are my next steps? After 45 years of marriage, I am still a virgin because my wife doesn’t want any sexual intimacy. How do I deal with this unmet need? I’m blind and recently suffered a concussion. I have support, but I’m grieving the loss of my dad and feeling disconnected from my mom. How do I cope? My daughter, a single mom of five, recently married a woman. How do I show her love without condoning?