Mindfulness Classes With Oli Doyle

How can we deal with pain mindfully? It seems so all consuming, so awful and so hard to cope with, so how can we stay present and peaceful in the midst of that? Last week, Muriel, one of our lovely listeners, asked this:  "I totally get that experiencing the present moment gives you the real chance to be happy and to live life.  I am making progress into not getting caught up in stories that built up from my thinking. But how do you deal with pain?" Today, I invite you to explore the worst physical situation possible, and to get curious about whether peace is possible in the middle of that.

The answer to this question might seem obvious... until someone questions your beliefs or actions. It might appear crystal clear that happines is what you want, until you find yourself angrily defending a mental position. As it turns out, lots of us humans pick being right (or fighting for it anyway) much of the time, and it always costs us our happiness. What would your life be like if you never needed to change anyone's mind or control how they see you, ever again?

The Integrated Mindful Relationship: After yesterday's class on the end of approval seeking, a friend of mine emailed me a brilliant question: "Im scared of the consequences of 'just listening' to someone, because it is not this 'seeking approval' that has allowed me to be well-liked and have a wide circle of friends? Isn't it my charm, humour, mannerisms, personality traits that have allowed me to nourish and create new relationships?   I fear that if I follow your instructions to just listen, without interacting as I have in the past, it is a negation of me and could compromise relationships. Am I just interpreting the podcast too literally, and ideally one should try and seek approval less but at the same time, not give up one's personality traits?   Im a medical student and have many interactions with patients. I wholeheartedly agree that adopting an approach to just listen and be with the patient, and opposed to trying to 'gain' from patient is worthwhile and will actually lead to greater compassion and

I remember a time when I thought that what you thought about me was VERY importent. In fact, it was life or death. I spent every moment checking on you, making you laugh, wondering what you thought about what I just said or did, and if I thought you liked it, I was excited, but if I thought you didn't, I felt depressed. One day, when I sat still for long enough (I'm rather a slow learner), I realised that you don't exist, at least not in the way I thought. I also figured out that I can never know what you think, and I don't so much care anymore either. Amazingly, when I stopped caring what you thought, I was free to care about you. And when I realised that I can never know your inner world, I turned my interest to mine. And this is what led me to the happiness I thought I wanted YOU to provide. Delightful. 

I had a big realisation a little while back, one that is taking some digesting. I was watching a talk by Eckhart Tolle, who said that, in essence, my whole life is happening inside my head. As he put it, "We believe there is something going on outside, but maybe that's just our imagination!" Now, I had heard this idea before, but I never really grasped it as anything more than an intellectual concept. But this time it hit me right between the eyes; everything I call 'my life', every so called experience, every posession, even every person I only experience in my own head. This is mind-blowing, and I wanted to spend some time on it today, I hope you enjoy...

Why are relationships so difficult? Every ounce of pain in your life arises not because life is misbehaving, but because your mind is misbehaving! You see, minds love nothing more than putting conditions on our happiness, telling the world what it 'should' be doing and pointing out the flaws of those around us. When it comes to our children, these expectations can be particularly strong, and if you're not careful, those thoughts will bring frustration, then trick you into believing that your children caused it!   Today, I want to introduce you to the wonderful world without expectations of anyone else.

If you want to really connect with your children, your parents or anybody close to you, you must do one important thing: Leave the future alone!

Warning! Today's class may be controversial as I explore the question: Is your child's behaviour any of your business?

If you're a parent, you have tantrums, (sorry but it's true)! Here is a simple guide to dealing with them!

Welcome to week of mindful parenting this week at A Little Peace and Quiet! If you don't have kids, this week is still for you, because our thoughts are our children too, right? They infuriate us, make us feel all warm and fuzzy, distract us and talk us into spending our money on things we shouldn't but. What's the difference really? All this week we will explore how we deal with these children, and ourselves, with compassion, mindfulness and good humour. I hope you find these simple classes useful. Today, I invite you to make a simple, radical attitude shift that brings instant relief from frustration at other people.

Once upon a time I thought I could cling to moments of peace, that passing joy could be made to last forever. But true peace doesn't come from anything that's passing, it's in you, now and forever. Today, come find it.

Once I thought mindfulness meant blocking all thought, silencing the mind, and this led to predictable consequences. I felt sluggish and strained and when thought came back it came hard! Luckily, someone told me the secret - just watch those thoughts, don't block, don't get lost, just watch! Learn this, and life is a breeze.

There was a time when I hid from life in books about meditation, in silent contemplation and by sitting staring at the wall. I wasn't really connecting with the present moment, but I thought I was progressing. In truth, I was opting out, and my practice lacked a connection with my day to day life. I was hiding in a cave, without bringing that practice back to the world. True practice is ordinary, grounded and deeply connected with daily life, but if you have ever used it as an escape, you might enjoy today's exploration of this common trap, and of how to untangle yourself.

I'm sitting here listening to you, watching you, but mostly I'm judging you. I can see by the faraway look in your eyes that you're lost in the future, and I can hear from your voice that you don't get it, that you need my help... Welcome to the mind of the judge, the character I became when I memorised some Hindu quotes, digested the ideas of the Dalai Lama and learned to talk about meditation. I thought I had it figured out, and that was the problem... You see, figuring it out has nothing to do with mindfulness, in fact it gets in the way! But when I was on my early journey, I believed that I had it all figured out and now I was going to tell you all about it!  The lesson I learned from this was simple: forget about everyone else, and focus on your practice this instant. I hope this simple shift helps you tap into peace right now.

Welcome to another week here at A Little Peace and Quiet.com! All this week I am sharing some of my biggest struggles, hurdles and challenges when I was learning how to meditate. I hope that by sharing these, I might make your path a little smoother! When I first sat down to meditate, I had already set up massive expectations for the future, like "When I'm enlightened, my life will be like this..." I had goals, I had ways to measure progress and I completely ruined it! The result? I felt like a failure, I wanted to quit (I did several times actually) and the story that I wasn't good enough found its way into meditation too. If I had realised what to do with all those expectations, beliefs and goals, things might have been a little simpler, and so I offer you today's class. I hope it brings out a little more of the peace that's already inside, right now. Enjoy! Oli Doyle

"Throw away holiness and wisdom, and people will be a hundred times happier." Lao Tzu When I set out on the path of mindfulness, feeling that I was a good person was very important to me.  Now, I don't much care about holiness nor wisdom, but my actions are much kinder and wiser. Today I would like to share how this transformation came about.

Today I was inspired by Byron Katie's work over at www.thework.com, and I wanted to share something profoundly simple (or simply profound): Your relationship with us mirrors your relationship with your thoughts. Make peace with thought, and world peace is inevitable. Have fun!

A mindful stop is a powerful way to step out of anxious, stressful stories and into peace and tranquility. Thinking is a choice, and today I will show you how to stop.

Come for an adventure in the present moment today, as we journey into that quiet place within. Over the next 13 minutes, I invite you to change the way you see the entire world.

Most of us prioritise instants. It sounds a bit funny written down like that, but the job interview is more important than brushing your teeth, your wedding day is more important than last Wednesday. Certain instants matter more than others, which leads to two things: 1) Important moments become anxious, stressful and nerve wracking and 2) Other moments you can stay on autopilot, just awake enough to avoid accidental death. So we stress, and we daydream, neither of which is much fun. What is a lot of fun, as it turns out, is treating every instant with respect, paying careful attention no matter what you are doing. Treasure every instant, and you will be able to relax through the important ones and thoroughly enjoy the rest!