2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast

Your bones start to creak, your hearing goes bad, and wrinkles come out everywhere. Just when you think it can't get any worse...a grey pubic hair appears out of nowhwere. Getting old sucks.

The best gift for some can be the worst nightmare for others. After bringing the Tivo in to the house, the TV is now off limits for Virginia as Roxanne works overtime to tape every show ever made, and to make it all fit on only a 40-hour Tivo.

Now you can pee by the side of the road, write your name in the snow or just drain the turtle standing up. They also make great party favors. Order yours today at www.dontsquat.com

It's the beginning of the month. That makes it the perfect time for us to review our monthly horoscopes to see what kind of month we're going to have. Sound like it's shaping up to be a fun-filled one with new partners and a 3.5 week romance for each of us. Don't forget the dental dams.

It used to be that you only had to choose between small, medium, large and x-large. Today these kids have so many new labels that it's hard to keep up. It's a good thing we have Logo, the gay PBS, to help keep us up-to-date.

Just telling someone that it's over is sometimes not enough. Of course, having crazy breakup sex with her right after you tossed her out isn't making the message any easier to understand.

Liz stops by for a chat about what it takes to be a Real Lesbian, and let's us know that it's really not as easy as it looks. Simply owning power tools is not going to be enough to earn you a passing grade as a Real Lesbian. Find out if you have what it takes.

The dating world is a very treacherous place these days. Seemingly nice single girls come with all kinds of baggage, red flags and even girlfriends. Some of them still live with those girlfriends! More reasons not to break up with your current mate.

We run down our lists of who's hot, and talk about the rules of engagement if one of them should suddenly show up at the front door. After all, it's important to know ahead of time what's acceptable if Angelina Jolie accidentaly turns in to your driveway and knocks on the door ready go.

Soap is available almost everwhere in the world, with only one possible exception...a 5-acre farm in the middle of Colorado. Join us for an update on Stinky! If you missed Stinky the first time, you can download or listen here.

The countdown to Roxanne's termination at work begins. If she so much as utters a single word that even sounds like a swear, Roxanne will be standing in the unemployment line for good. Forget the Super Bowl...now is the time to buy your squares in the pool to guess how much longer Roxanne will be able to keep her job. We take PayPal.

Roxanne shares a secret. Late in the evening, when the house goes eerily quiet, Roxanne is at the computer, channeling Dr. Phil, giving advice to teenagers who are just coming out.

All it takes is an acoustic guitar, a credit card and six lessons at the gay and lesbian center with a bunch of 40-something homos...and you, too, can become the next Melissa Etheridge.

It was a miracle from above. After only three weeks in a hot, dark, sweaty lodge with a bunch of other "heterosexual" ministers deep in prayer and spirituality...working hard all day and all night, Ted Haggard is finally cured of his homosexual thoughts and feelings. All I can say is that they must have gone through a lot of condoms.

Lesbians come in all shapes, sizes, colors and varieties of comfortable shoes. We can pick each other out in a crowd or in the grocery store....unless, of course, you're in the Midwest. Then it's just a crapshoot.

When you meet that special person that you know is going to be your one and only, drastic measures may be required to make sure she knows it, too. Stop at nothing to reel her in -- stalk her, invite yourself to friends' weddings that she's attending, pretend you like country western dancing, and use any deceptive ways required to lure her up to your house.

It's the worst kept secret ever. You grow up thinking you're just like everybody else, until one day it finally dawns on you... you're a big 'ol homo! And, all this time everyone knew, except for you.

It was a mic check gone wrong. Listen in as Roxanne recounts her experiences with hairy men.

We head out to the mountains for a day of skiing and relaxation on our day off. Who knew that it was Baby Dyke Discount Day at the slopes? Our invitation must have gotten lost in the mail.

It can happen in the blink of an eye, and always when you least expect it. Stealthily, the predator moves in on their target and closes in for the kill. Before you know it, the bitch has slowly moved all her things into your house, she's wearing your clothes and buying you gifts on YOUR credit card...and you never saw it coming. It's the drive-by move-in.