Delight Your Marriage

So... a serious ex-military gent (on his way to becoming a drill sergeant) decided it was time to fix his marriage.  Then as a business leader and a leader in the church, people would come to him for marriage advice. Their connection looked good on the outside, but sadly it was lonely. When he started the program, he began to realize maybe he should stop giving marriage advice.  He shares in his story how hard, but necessary it was to become humble.  Which as, Andrew Murray says, is the chief sin -- all others flow from it. Murray goes on to say, if you think you don't struggle with pride, sadly, you do more than those who are at least aware of it.  We all have to fight against pride. Steve decided to take on that challenge. (Maybe his military background helped?) And he decided to listen and deeply consider if his heart, perceptions, and approach have been wrong in his marriage.  He not only became humble, but he also became teachable and asked the Lord to change him from the inside. And that caused him to l

"Unbelievable." (ie: There's no way that's true.) That's how he felt when he heard the transformation stories. He was in a place of desperation.  Being in the marriage felt like a chore.    But that glimmer of hope that kept him listening to the transformation stories made him wonder if he should take the leap of faith and schedule the free Clarity Call ( delightyourmarriage.com/cc )  Well, he did.  His wife didn't know.   We don’t make these stories up. Maybe your marriage could be next. We invite you to schedule a free, no obligation call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. What do you have to lose? This could permanently change your life.    From a graduate:  “After 36 years of marriage and being ‘settled’ (or maybe complacent?) in the rhythm of our relationship, I figured something along the lines of, ‘Well, for us this must be as good as it’s going to get!’   Now, two months and eight modules later, my feeling is, ‘If it can be this good already, and I still have four modules to go, where are we going from he

There are so many people I wish I could help when I meet them at the playground, park, at a party... so here it is.    Marriage can be tough. VERY tough. And there is a dearth of helpful insight nowadays.  My content is focused towards people who follow the teachings of Jesus. But I really want to give you help because, from one perspective, we may not even be able to ask the hard philosophical questions about "is there a God?" or "what is Truth?" if we're bogged down with so much emotional pain in our marriage.   So, I tried my best in this episode to give you a roadmap at a very high level of how to rescue your relationship. Whether you follow the teachings of Jesus or not. (Yes, all my training is based on that, but I want to HELP you... so I invite you to listen in because I am very practical.)   Maybe you want to stay married because of the kids (good for you!) or you really can't afford a divorce, or you want to keep the commitment you made however many years ago, or you have the slightest bit of hope t

Their marital intimacy never seemed to be right. Early on, they struggled with infertility and then a heartbreaking miscarriage. God did give them a baby (praise God!), and then that was another layer of challenge. But she couldn't seem to get intimacy "right." And she knew he wasn't satisfied. And that was a big dig to her confidence. Consistently. Which impacted their relationship. She decided to take the brave step and schedule the Clarity Call (with wonderful Dana). But even just on that call, she felt so heard and cared for. And had a twinkle of hope.   Now... She sees sex as pure and good. She already knew that. But somehow, through this work, it went from head to heart. She felt so encouraged by the community. And finally had a judgment-free zone to deeply share. Now she has gotten a great sense of freedom that she didn't have previously, and even encourages adventure in intimacy -- why not!? May Rose's story encourage you. There is hope for you, too.   Our team is praying for you and we hope this epis

If you're a wife...this podcast is dynamite! Wow, I just gotta say...thank You, Lord, for giving our dear Belah such wise insight and for her willingness, humility, and surrender to keep sharing the powerful things that You give her to share with all of us! After listening to this podcast, I feel like I just got a feast at a banquet table!  This is a message that empowers our God-given role as wives, breaks it down in simple, yet incredibly insightful and inspiring ways, AND enlarges the vision for the Kingdom of God and how our role as wives plays such a vital role in it all. I truly hope and pray that this podcast speaks to and encourages your heart as it did mine. This will be one of my favorites that gets repeated many times over! Thank you, Belah! Thank You, Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit for Your work in Your people and the incredible love You have for all of us that You show us the way to abundant life...and it is all though an intimate walk with you...a TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP with The King of Kings and

My goal today is to inspire a curious heart.  Could God have really designed men and women differently? Could your differences truly be HIS design? Could it be that "in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female he created them.” Gen 1:27   Could your husband's member be God-designed?   Could it be that sex is God-designed? Could there be a reason God's boundaries around this gift are all over the Bible?  Could loving your husband well (loving your husband the way he receives love) bring God glory?   Love & Blessings, Belah   PS -- This is a free Marital Health Assessment to find out how healthy your marriage is in emotional, physical and spiritual intimacy: delightyourmarriage.com/health PPS -- A recent grad wrote: BEFORE: "Not feeling loved by each other. Disconnected hearts (emotionally, spiritually, and physically). Going to bed feeling hurt almost every night. Fighting a lot, even in front of the kids." AFTER: "Forgiven her. Relearned to appreciate all that she is (and m

So, I think God gives us opportunities to change all the time. Change the way we think, the way we are, the way we understand the world.    And it makes me sad when so many of us choose to assume this is as good as it gets and we're not going to be able to do anything to make it better. Nothing in the world has ever improved with that kind of thinking. Ever.   To me, that's a very negative mindset called "wallowing."   I think it's childish, in fact. (I say that with conviction because I've been there far too often myself!) I think God wants us to take our power back and stand on our own feet and decide to improve what we are discontent about.   Yes, there are sad and bad things going on in the world. And as followers of Jesus, we DO something about it. We link arms with a mission or organization doing the work that needs to be done (like the Good Samaritan picking up the beaten man and paying for him to get better at the inn---he didn't start his own inn---he paid someone else to do the work that needed to b

Hi, dear sisters.   My husband felt inspired to share some thoughts with you.    Actually, I was trying to communicate something to wives that I just kept re-recording and re-recording and I just couldn't get it right.    So I brought in the big guns. Yes... my husband is here to communicate what I couldn't.    I invite you to see how to CATCH what may be most important for you to hear.    May God work in your heart as you listen so that you will remember what He wants you to hear through this.   Love,  Belah   PS - If you are ready to find out how healthy your marriage is, I invite you to find out through this free resource: Marital Health Assessment: delightyourmarriage.com/health   PPS - If you're ready to transform your marriage, join a free Clarity Call (it's such a blessing) at delightyourmarriage.com/cc   Recent Delight Your Marriage program graduate's testimonial: "After listening to the podcasts for a couple of years, I had hope that this might be a source of real change. But now that I have particip

You may be on a journey to get a better marriage...  But do you know where you are right now?    The trouble is when people with a 9/10 marriage give advice to someone with a 2/10 marriage...  It doesn't make sense. AND a left turn at the WRONG TIME could lead to disaster. That is why we developed the Marital Health Assessment, a tool you can use to determine if you're on track in your marriage.    Or if you need a left turn now or to stay straight for another 37 exits :)   I invite you to take this free Marital Health Assessment to determine where you are now so you can wisely choose your next steps! Delightyourmarriage.com/health

Roy was married 25 years with 5 kids. And they had a good marriage. They love the Lord and seek to serve Him with all. Intimacy was tough though. And every time he brought it up, she would get defensive, or feel like she wasn't good enough, or like he'll never be satisfied. Anyone else feel that way?  He had heard about Masculinity Reclaimed for a couple of years and finally decided it was time.  He kept hitting a wall.    And if you're in that place, I want you to know... It's legitimate that issues around intimacy hurt. They hurt deeply.    But Roy got to a place where trying to change her wasn't working.    And so, he decided it was time to look at himself.    He knew going into the program if he let his wife know, in the beginning, she would put many, many more walls up...  So, he decided to go forward without her knowing. Because, as he said, this was a coaching program FOR HIM. He had to talk to someone.  It was either therapy or a coaching program. (And he said she doesn't really like therapy either).

Is what you're doing in your marriage right now working for you?    Do you feel hopeless?   Are you lonely in your marriage?    If you believed that your actions alone could make a difference, if you knew the tools to use to make a difference in your marriage, would you be willing to use them?   Tom's story is inspiring and is not unique to graduates of Delight Your Marriage programs.   Praise God, the tools given to married individuals through our programs have moved so many marriages into places of hope, joy, and a much greater degree of the abundant life that God wants for us to live out as His people.   It is not easy. It requires us to have humility, faith in what God can do with a yielded obedient heart, perseverance, and a desire to please our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.   If any of this resonates with you, we invite you to sign up for a free Clarity Call right here.   We hope that Tom's story gives you hope that marriage could be more and motivates you to a willingness to do the work of building a

Is there dignity in humility?  Is there dignity in humiliation?  Initially, you might think not.    But then we have to take a moment to consider the cross. An excruciating death, reserved not for Roman citizens, but for rebels and slaves...  because it was SO  SO humiliating.   And yet, the God of glory, the One who DESERVES all glory and honor...  HUMILIATED Himself not only to come as a baby, giving up His power, constraining himself to human form, and giving up his rights in an infinite number of ways...   to then suffer the humiliation, the pain...  for the joy set before Him.    Not because we deserved it, ...but because it is a testament to HIS surrender to the Father's will that he endured the cross.    This is why you are humble and a servant to your spouse, ...because humility is the VERY dignity of Jesus.    Humility is what Jesus Himself modeled.    Why do you close your mouth when you want to criticize your spouse? Why do you pause instead of, "let them have it," when they deserve to be dressed d

"It's my spouse who needs to change."   If you've said this or thought this...you are right.    So now, no need to listen to anything because there's nothing for you to do but wait around in a grumpy mood 'til your spouse decides to do something.    :)   Maybe there's another opportunity here.    Maybe we can be (as our team member Kyle says) "playfully curious" about this response.    Why do we assume it's all on our spouse?  What questions are we...  a-refusing to ask b-unaware that we need to be asking c-too distracted to think about it :) (Oh, was that your email/TikTok/IG/Facebook/text message notification that just went off? :P )   Today's episode is to help you honestly look at where your marriage is, and discern if and how your partner is the issue.   And, if and how, with playful curiosity, you might have an opportunity in your situation, as well!   Love & Blessings, Belah   PS If you want to see if we can help you in your marriage and honestly evaluate where you can work in your marriage, we inv

  This episode was back from the very beginning of 2019. Wow! It's STILL relevant. And even when I re-listened, I was struck by a specific exercise that put life in great perspective. I encourage you to do the same -- for God's glory to ultimately be experienced in your marriage, family, and life! In the long view of your 100 years on earth, what is going to matter in THIS season? I had an abrupt and unsettling realization when I had a parent-teacher conference a few weeks ago. Though I believe I was discerning God’s will and way for my life, I don’t believe I was pursuing it in God’s timing. And that is one of the central themes around today’s podcast. What is your season (mine is a quarter inch) in the grand scheme of life? And what matters most right now? From there, what do you do with that understanding? How does it become practical and lived out? Blessings, Belah PS If you’d like to see if we can help you in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call here. From a Masculinit

This was meant to be a light & encouraging holiday podcast episode.    Then, it turned into a heavy and warning-type episode.    You'll be around souls this holiday.    Souls, that maybe you don't feel fully at peace with. Souls, that maybe you have been wronged by. Souls, that maybe you still feel the sting of the pain they inflicted on you.   This is spoken for no specific person...except, definitely for me. Also, maybe for all of those I work with. And maybe every person who has ever told me about their marriage struggles. And maybe everyone else I know, too.   So, yeah... take this one personally.   May God stir His truth in you.   This is the good news: "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."   This is the terrifying truth... "But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."  Jesus said this in the gospel of Matthew 6:15 (NIV).   Here's the deal...   I follow Jesus and need Him to save me. I NEED him

This was originally published a while back--but we highly recommend you listen again as you're praying through and discerning what God has for you in the new season of 2023. … I love New Years because everything feels fresh and energized. Even though, practically speaking, it's the same as every other day, you just have to start training yourself to use a new number at the end of your dates. But I am all about using whatever energy there is to increase my chances of growth and change--in God's will.  So, that's what today's podcast is about--becoming stronger in your vision. It's about realizing that you're going to stand before Jesus and He'll be curious what you did with your days…which lead to weeks…which lead to years, and then decades. We must be cautious about how we spend our time and spend it in priority to God's will.  I will show you the specific document I have used since 2013 and review at least quarterly to align my life with how I perceive God wants me to live.  I will also discuss the process I

This is the next part of Communication Secrets and I think it's an important addendum.    We talk about what to do when you're disappointed with your spouse.  When you want them to change.  When you feel they were irresponsible.   I have two examples for you:  1 - When a friend was irresponsible and God brought conviction even when He kept me from saying anything. 2 - When I was irresponsible (I know---unbelievable!) and God brought conviction even when my husband didn't say anything.   I hope this brings you encouragement, direction, and skills as you attempt to live God's way in your marriage.   Love,  Belah   PS - If you’d like to see if our programs would be a good fit for you in helping you grow in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call.   From a Masculinity Reclaimed graduate:  “For the first time EVER we had whole-hearted sexual intimacy, 2 or 3 times total. This was something that I had no idea even existed and it was barely believable. It was so amazing.  We haven't argued in mo

… So much stress revolves around communication. I've been there! My husband and I have miscommunications everyday. Today, for example, I was telling him about a sore in my mouth and he was sure I was talking about Europe.  That is silly and allowed for laughter. But what about when someone is lost and just hoping for the other to quickly look up directions. Or, when you're in a stressful situation, and one of you is incomprehensible (to you).  Well, I want to invite you to reframe what good communication is.  I want to invite you to consider what really matters in communication with your spouse.  I try to debunk some unhelpful cliches: "Your spouse should be your best friend," or "You have to be compatible with someone to be happy," or "If you don't connect on common interests, you'll die a miserable, lonely, painful death.” Alright, that last one isn't a cliche I've heard! (but maybe have felt?) Let's get some fun back in our lives and let miscommunication be the fodder!   Blessings, Belah PS If you need imm

Since Thanksgiving is coming up and we’re around people we love, but sometimes have strained relationships. We wanted to repost this episode so you can apply it to your family relationships and your spouse.  We love you and wish you a peaceful and grateful-filled Thanksgiving!! … Sometimes we look at our blowups and wonder -- how did we even get here?  How did a wrong turn, an unpaid bill, an unwashed dish, or a burnt potholder... turn into World War III? What happened here? And why is this kind of nonsense tearing our family apart at its foundations? It's because you're not really fighting about a potholder.  You're fighting about all the unmet expectations from the years and years of pain you've experienced. And so is your spouse.  How do you get out of this cycle?  And more important: what does Jesus require of you in this cycle?  What does it matter in eternity whether or not you succumb to these kinds of blow ups? Well, my goal is to give you a bit of fear of the Lord to decide you are going to be a real

Often preparing for Thanksgiving is the real STRESS. So -- guess what!? Make love now, so you have a connected, peaceful, and truly enjoyable Thanksgiving next week. ... Duty sex…this is such a huge challenge for SO many couples - on both sides of the aisle!   Husbands and wives, how does our personal approach to sexual intimacy affect our spouse?    Does sexual intimacy within our marriage lead us toward one another or away from one another?   And if it often or sometimes leads us away from each other, is that our Creator’s intention? How do we fix this? Can it be fixed?   The fact of the matter is, the answers to these questions can be hard to come by! There just isn’t a lot of guidance out there for couples who want a God-honoring sexual relationship in their marriage!    If sexual intimacy is a gift from our Creator - and we know that ALL of His gifts are good - then why is this area of our lives so often filled with hurt and pain?   Does it really matter whose fault it is? Playing the blame game doesn’t