The Mating Grounds Podcast

In this episode of Helping Joe, Tucker and Nils finally get a look at Joe’s deeper emotions after he reads Daring Greatly. They talk about how the book affected him, what he learned, and how to apply the lessons to his dating life. Connecting with friends and girlfriends is essential to living a happy, fulfilling life. Making real connections requires vulnerability, opening yourself up, letting people in, and showing them who you really are. Romantic chemistry is exposing one element (you) to another element (her) to see if there’s a reaction. Being vulnerable and exposing emotion are very difficult for Joe and many other men. It is one reason why Tucker spent so much time in therapy.  This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month. 

In this episode of Bad Advice From The Internet, Tucker explains how pushing your honesty onto other people who are not directly asking for it signals a lack of social intelligence, which makes you less likable and less attractive to women. For example, if a woman asks, “What are you looking for?” and you blurt out, “I just want to have sex and not date you,” it’s an immediate turnoff for her. Women look for physical safety, social safety, and emotional safety before dating or sleeping with you. If you are radically honest like this, she worries that you will tell all her friends that you two are just having sex, ruining her reputation.  This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month. 

This is a big question that could take 5 hours to answer. In this short Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoffrey Miller broadly explain love, why we evolved to feel love, what love is not, and how to think about love and the relationship you are in. Watch out for desire, lust, obsession, and analyzing resume traits, which are all NOT love. Also, love takes time to figure out. Tucker developed slowly and didn't figure it out until he was 34.  This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month. 

This call is from a man who was sexually shamed most of his life and is transitioning out of that. In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Dr. Geoffrey Miller, and Nils Parker knock down one big assumption with his question by advising him to ask, "What do I want?" Not "What should I do?" Explore who you are to figure out what you really want (your mating goal). They give many suggestions for how to do this. This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month. 

  This week of Helping Joe is a continuation of Episode 10 where Joe talks about recent dates with girls from episodes 7, 8, and 9 and new girls he is seeing. Tucker and Charlie break down his irrational, ineffective thoughts and how to replace them to get better with women. They also get into advice on texting, going back to her place, being honest and funny about your insecurities, and why you don’t need to have all your shit together before a woman will be very into you.    This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month. 

Tucker Max explains how this is some of the worst advice that women give men. Being too open with your feelings too early in the relationship signals desperation and low mate value to a woman. Only crazy people over-share with those they first meet or don't know well. When telling her how you feel, it's best to emotionally follow her lead in disclosing more. This happens piece by piece. She gives a little and you give a little, escalating vulnerability and honesty until there is a high level of trust in the relationship. Then you can talk more about your feelings.  This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month. 

This caller has the mating equivalent of a white people problem. He has a great girlfriend but doesn't believe he's good enough. Many guys have this issue of Imposter Syndrome when they are improving in dating and other areas of life. Tucker and Charlie have talked about this on Helping Joe when he loses confidence on dates. In this Q&A episode, Tucker, Nils, and Dr. Miller explain exactly what Imposter Syndrome is, why it's common with rapid improvement, and how it can be ridiculously arrogant. They talk about mental frameworks for overcoming this ineffective thinking, recognizing your high and realistic mate value, and building true confidence when more women are attracted to you.  This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month. 

After making a few jokes and explaining the obvious, which is to learn skills and get a better job, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoffrey Miller talk about how to be more attractive while poor. Getting in shape with body weight only exercises (Convict Conditioning), wearing simple & clean clothes that fit you, and having a great attitude (fun, kind, smart, or interesting), will put you in the top 25% of men out there. They also give some great free date ideas.  This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month. 

In this episode of Helping Joe, Tucker Max and Charlie Hoehn catch up with Joe on all the dates he has had in the last 2 weeks. They recognize and celebrate these wins to reinforce that Joe is on the right path and making progress. A huge part of building confidence is realizing the strides you’ve made since starting and internalizing positive feedback, from both the women you are dating and your friends (or coaches here). Later they get into mistakes Joe made on these dates, including his funny but self-crippling texts. They also talk about why accepting who you are and being the best version of yourself is more effective than following a successful model that doesn’t fit who you are. This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month. 

In this episode of Helping Joe, Joe went speed dating for the first time and Tucker Max and Nils Parker break down his mini-dates. They give Joe much needed fashion advice (Joe makes big mistakes here. Jokes follow.), feedback on his first date (and first meeting) conversations, and more ways to reframe his dating mindset and goal so that he has more fun and better results. They revisit Joe’s critical issues like cursing under his breath, not internalizing positive feedback, and changing his ineffective mindsets and irrational thoughts. At the end, Tucker gets very honest and open about his own issues, why he blew up in Episode 7, and why he had to talk to his analyst about Joe. This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month. 

In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoff Miller explain the internal worries (How am I doing? Does she like me?) that many guys have on first dates and how to replace those thoughts with more effective ones (How can I have fun? What is interesting about her?). Also, check out the psychology of choking in our Choke Book Notes or buy the book here.   Also, Tucker, Charlie, and Nils have spent the last two months answering this question on the Helping Joe series. It’s one of Joe’s biggest problems. Listen to Episode 4 and Episode 5 especially.  This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month. 

In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoff Miller explain that alcohol lowers your inhibitions and the worries about what others will think or how you will look, which all get in the way of being funny. There may be a deeper problem with your social skills, confidence, or shame. These can all be fixed (check out our other podcasts for more in depth advice).

This episode is a continuation of Episode 7. Tucker Max, Charlie Hoehn, and Joe try to regroup and talk about Joe's other dates that he went on, but they get right back to emotional issues that caused him to completely lose confidence in himself on a different date. The reason for this is absolutely ridiculous. You will laugh when listening to it.  Joe thought this girl was out of his league and rejected himself even though she was into him. There are a lot of lessons to be learned from his mistake about attraction, understanding women, and giving yourself the chance to succeed. 

This Bad Advice is from old people who are angry about new technology like texting. 20 years ago when calling was the default, this advice would have been valid. Now the default is texting, especially for young people.  The data shows that many women under 30 think calling is an intrusion of privacy and inconvenient or rude. To them, you are not more manly, courageous, or gentlmanly. You are just weird.  This is why understanding social groups is so important. Everything you do is contingent on that. Whatever is normal to do in that group is what you should be doing: If you are in your 40s asking out a woman in her 30s or 40s, call her. If you are in your 20s asking out a woman in her 20s, text her. 

In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoff Miller break apart this question, the details he gave, and the assumptions he is making. They explain how if you see a guy who is to be subservient to or "pussy whipped" by his girlfriend or wife, you are only looking at a small part of their relationship and making assumptions based just on that. It's unlikely that you know their entire relationship history and all the dynamics going on.  Sometimes, a woman is just awful or the man has given up too much control and dominance in a relationship (No More Mr. Nice guy is a great analysis of this problem). But ask yourself, "Why is this happening in the first place and why is he still with her?" Staying in that relationship is a choice that as a man you have to take responsibility for. 

If you live in a very racist state (Arizona) or city (Boston) move!  In this Q&A Tucker Max, Dr. Geoff Miller, and Nils Parker explain how sometimes the problem is 100% your mating market and not you. If that’s the case and you want to be successful with women, you need to leave.

In week 7 of Helping Joe, Tucker Max and Charlie Hoehn dig into Joe's mess of emotional issues after he has a great date, but ruins it by blowing off the girl he liked. What starts off as a small celebration with good tactical advice gets heated (Tucker gets angry) after they learn what Joe texted after. They rummage through some of his emotional baggage and explain how his fears are crippling his mating opportunities. As Tucker put it, “Joe is a wantrepreneur with women." 

This is the idea that the right way to get over a bad breakup, when you feel like shit, is to just sleep with other girls. It's actually only half wrong. For more long-term relationships, where you loved your girlfriend and were together for a while, it's awful advice. In this episode, we talk about how sleeping around in response to a sad breakup pushes off pain that you need to feel. These emotions are inevitable. It’s better to address them upfront. We talk about how to do this and how humans heal in groups. 

Both men and woman can have difficulty realizing they are more attractive after a big positive change like losing weight. In this Q&A Tucker Max, Dr. Geoff Miller, and Nils Parker talk about how to accept and believe you that you are more attractive by getting feedback from women, starting small with exposure therapy, and testing your mating market. 

In modern society, there is little threat of violence day-to-day. So how you do you display the Defender part of the Tender Defender model to women? In this Q&A Tucker Max, Dr. Geoff Miller, and Nils Parker break down a big assumption of being a Defender (It’s not all about violence.) and explain the many ways you can be a Defender without fighting. A better way to look at it is being an Effective Provider can solve her problems.